Different Boys In The Photo

We had dinner at Allison’s last night (Jane’s sister who has adopted me as her own family). I noticed some of the photos of the boys that Jane had gotten done with their little brother Trevor. It made me kind of sad and curious.

We’ve had quite a few family photos done and in all of them (for the most part) the boys are smiling and look happy and sparkly. (By sparkly I mean full of life and not covered in glitter.)

In these photos only Older Boy and Trevor were the ones smiling. Middle Boy and Younger Boy had these miserable, sad looks on their faces. I couldn’t tell if it was boredom, disinterest, true feelings coming through or a mixture of all of the above.

I always have a little chat with the boys before we take our photos where I kindly ask them to smile happily. And then throw in "Please smile pretty for your grandmas' because we're giving them these as a gift." (Which is entirely true in addition to the fact that I'd like a nice family photo of everyone smiling.) Younger Boy was the only one who acted up at our last family photo shoot but the photographer got him to smile for the photos.

I guess I was mainly surprised by a few things:

1) by their expressions. I've been in my new instant mom lifestyle for almost 3 years now. I’ve seen the three photo outcomes of the photoshoots that Jane has had done. In the first year after Trevor was just born (and after the divorce) it was Middle Boy who had a forced smile on his face. Older Boy and Younger Boy both had decent smiles on. But the last two years are the ones where Middle Boy and Younger Boy look miserable and unhappy.

2) the fact that these are the outcomes she’s getting for photos. They just look so completely different from the photo outcomes that we have gotten. I personally would not pay for a photo like that, not would I be happy if that was the best of the photos.

I consider that there are many different opportunities at play here:

Perhaps I just happen to schedule good photographers who care about the result of their photos and know how to make children smile.

Perhaps my kindly asking them to smile happily before hand makes a difference.

Perhaps the difference in our family photos just shows a reflection of the differences in our two homes.

Perhaps to Jane it doesn’t really matter and it’s more of a formality then a family keepsake.

There’s plenty more but I just was completely confuddled at the complete turn around in the comparison of the two photos. The most recent photos we had were just a day apart too. Jane had the boys take photos the day before we were taking our family photos. It’s just striking to me how different the boys look … even the smiling Older Boy lacks some of the glowing luster that he has in our family photo.

Or maybe it’s just the lighting of the studio and the fact that I put thought into the colors and clothes that the boys are wearing and Jane doesn't.

From “The Boys” to “A Boy”

My parent’s have been wonderful in terms of accepting my instant family as their own. A photo of the boys hangs in their living room, the boys get excited when they find out we’re seeing them and give them both hugs, and my parents have shown a great interest in the boys well being.

Starting last summer they started making arrangements to spend some one-on-one time with the boys. Each month they take one of the boys for a night or two so the boy of the month can get some individual time away.

This month was Older Boy’s turn. My dad brought him to a Shark’s hockey game and got him a hockey puck. I got a great photo text from my mom of him sleeping with his puck. It was really cute. I also found out that Older Boy was rather sad to have to leave.

At first I thought “oh, he doesn’t enjoy home” then I wizened up and realized it’s because he had just had the rare luxury of being an only kid for a couple of days. We try to make sure to spend individual time with each of them when we can, but with four kids (one being an infant) now that is a bit hard sometimes.

They also have always been the three of them for so long now I wonder if everyone kind of views them as “the boys.” And if it’s not the three of them it’s two of them. Because of their situation being in the spotlight really is a luxury to them. I didn’t think much of it until my told me about a conversation with my cousin’s fiancé.

He too was a child of divorce. And when he found out that my parent’s were the ones who asked if they could spend some get to know you time with each of the boys alone said “I wish someone had thought to do that with me.”

I too had a younger sibling, but I did get alone time here or there. OR if both of us went over to a family friend’s place there were siblings our age so we weren’t stuck with just each other to play with.

I’ve gotten the impression that perhaps the boys are tired of being “the boys” and would each like to be “a boy.” I may not be able to control how others treat them, and I may not always be able to do something lavish like take them out on a Crys and boy dinner date, but I’d like to see FH and I make more of an effort to single each boy out.

We’ve started with Older Boy by making sure he has a day to help make dinner each week. FH has come up with some activities that he can do with each boy also. I think it’s important for him to try and spend some more one-on-one time with each of them. We’ve brainstormed some other ideas too but I’d love to hear of any suggestions on ideas or personal experiences from you ladies.

What’s the Point?

Jane’s mom Jolie has asked us if she can have the boys a few weekends during the month. This is completely fine with us, but we told her we’d prefer to plan it out each month instead of trying to stick to a schedule of the first and third Saturday of the month. It just seems easier that way since we’re a social family.

This last week I picked the boys up from Jolie’s house. The four of them were outside waiting for me. The boys were playing ball. I got there and Jolie and I greeted each other. I think for the most part Jolie likes me as a person and has been impressed on what I’ve done with the boys so I’m not really intimidated by seeing her. I do have an issue with the conditions of which they live in (It’s a real petting zoo in there and really smells like one.) I asked the boys if they were ready to go and they said yes. Then they started taking off toward the car and I said “Wait a minute. Come say goodbye to Grandma Jolie.” One by one they came back and gave her a hug. She affectionately gave them hugs and kisses back and said she’d see them on Wednesday.

Once we got home FH asked them if they had fun. We got the half-hearted “yeah” from Older Boy and Younger Boy. Middle Boy told us “Not really.” When asked why not he said “Because we didn’t get to play video games.”

It got me wondering about what they thought their visits were all about. Perhaps it was really naïve of me to think that they would be excited to see their grandma and mom. I’m not from a divorced family but I was always excited when I got to see family members growing up. I also have wondered what these visits meant to Jolie and to Jane.

A couple minutes later I called the three of the boys down for a quick chat.

Crys: I wanted to know what you think the point is when you go to visit Jolie or your mom?

Older Boy: To get to do extra stuff.

Middle Boy: To play video games and watch TV.

Younger Boy: *Blank Stare*

Side Note: I’m not going to lie that it bothered me that was what they thought the point was. Later on when I talked to FH about it he said that he probably contributed to part of that. But I honestly think that both FH and Jane have contributed to it. Jane doesn’t really do a lot of visiting with them. They go over there and all they do is play computer/video games or watch movies the whole time. Sometimes during the warmer months she will bring them to the pool or the park, but that’s a rare occasion. Since video game playing time has decreased significantly since I moved in FH put a focus that they can go play video games at Jane’s.

Back on track: I told the boys that the point of their visits with Jolie and Jane was to spend some time with them and to see them. That yes they got to play video games and watch TV while at their houses but the point is to spend some time with them since they don’t get to see them all the time.

I then put Middle Boy in the other person’s shoes because it seems to be the only way to get him to understand lately.

Crys: Middle Boy, how would you feel if Grandma Jolie said, “I didn’t have a fun time visiting Middle Boy because I didn’t get to play video games.”

Middle Boy: It would make me sad.

Crys: Well, then perhaps that is something you should remember the next time you go over for a visit.

I realize that I can’t make Jane and Jolie visit with the boys instead of herding them over to play video games and watch TV. I also realize that I can’t make the boys want to visit them either. But, I can at least plant the seed of though that maybe there is more to visiting your family members than just playing video games.

A Little Selfish

J.C. is about two weeks old now and life has definitely been changed. I’m glad I’m on maternity leave because I think it will take me another week or so to get into the habit of waking up at 6:30am so that I can function before I have to wake the boys up to take them to school. And that means no matter how many times I do or don’t wake up during the night my morning responsibility is to make sure the boys get breakfast and to school on time.

I’ve felt a little selfish though lately and I’ve had a hard time sharing … although I do share because, I can’t very well not share when the boys live with us 24/7.

I’ve felt a little selfish because I’m a first time mom with instant kids and I’ve felt very flustered with that at times. I’ve had to set an alarm on my cell phone so that I’ll be sure to be awake when it’s time to pick up or drop off Younger Boy from kindergarten. I’ve had to one-handedly put together lunch components while holding a baby in the other hand. And I’ve had to share her and FH with them. I think that was hard because I really harbor the moments when it’s just me, FH and J.C. I’ve had to remind myself that there are three other people that are a part of this family – even when at times even some of them don’t act like it.

And it’s not out of dislike for the boys. I think it’s just me realizing that my situation as a first time mom isn’t typical. And that is frustrating at times.

So to deal with it, I’ve learned to soak in time alone with J.C. I’ve learned to soak in the special moments that FH and I have together with J.C. I’ve also learned to make sure to remind the boys that they get to be a part of her life too. Older Boy doesn’t need the reminder and I appreciate that he’s always willing to help out with her and to kiss her goodnight without us having to tell him that he can.

Middle Boy is in charge of gathering up the diaper bags every night and Younger Boy still talks about her all the time. But the two of them tend to walk past her at nighttime without a kiss on the cheek. I’m not sure it it’s just forgetfulness on their part because she’s usually sleeping or if they’re waiting for permission to kiss her. I always feel a little silly having to remind them to kiss their sister goodnight.

Anyway, that’s the main thing I’ve been learning to deal with lately. For the most part having a baby in the house hasn’t been nearly as impossible as some people have made it sound out to be. She sleeps well and isn’t a crying poopy mess all the time. I also now have that connection with a child and it is amazing. I also now cannot imagine how or why Jane would not want the boys to be a part of her life. It makes even less sense now to me. Luckily I’m totally over trying to make sense of Jane’s actions.

I didn't know that such a little person could make me feel so happy and warm inside. And as much as I have a hard time sharing, I feel even more happy watching Older Boy playing with her. That's love that is heart melting.

The Boys and the Baby

One thing a lot of people ask me is how the boys feel about the baby. It always catches me as odd considering that for the most part we've been functioning as a rather healthy family unit for the past year and a half ... almost two years. However, I do know that some people just don't get it and I can't really hold that against them. Even I'm aware that blended family life isn't for everyone.

But as far as I can tell the boys are excited … especially Younger Boy. All of the adults that work with him at the school all already knew about his younger sister and her name. It was rather touching to me that he was so excited already.

Anyway, considering Jane had another baby two years ago I wasn’t sure how the boys would react to having a baby in the house. Older Boy has had the experience of having a preggo mom and new baby in the house. Middle Boy may or may not remember what life was like when Younger Boy was born. And Younger Boy is only aware of what life with a baby is like from the few times he was welcomed over to stay the night/weekend with Jane.

Their brother Trevor is now 3 years old, and they see him once a week (if Jane doesn’t cancel) for about two hours. From what they’ve told me, when they do stay the night over there their time is focused around whatever Trevor wants and doesn’t want to do. One time I was informed they watched Kung Fu Panda about 15 times over the weekend because Trevor really liked the movie.

I’ve been trying to have the boys involved with as much as I can. They help me with chores around the house. I talk with Middle Boy about all the possibilities of what she will be like because he likes to wonder aloud a lot about what she might be like. I’m rather glad that Younger Boy is older now because when Trevor was first born he had some baby envy – but who wouldn’t expect that. Especially when this new baby gets to live with Jane and get all her attention and Younger Boy has to have FH and I fighting for him just to get some attention. But from the amount that he talks about the baby I think that he is truly excited.

I was sure what Older Boy’s reaction really was until a couple of days ago when he asked if he could feel her move. She had chosen to take a nap at the moment so I told him I would let him know the next time she was going nutty in there. Luckily it happened Friday morning and at first he lightly put his hand on the baby belly. I know she’s big enough that even Nasty Cat can definitely feel her but a little pressure doesn’t hurt if you really want to feel some movement. So I pushed his hand down a little harder and she moved up toward his hand. He had a sparkle in his eye and a smile on his face and I felt one of those warm fuzzies inside.

Will their opinions change once a crying, pooping baby is actually in the house? Possibly, but it’s nice to know that they already love her and are excited to have her here to be a part of the family. I’m three days past the estimated due date right now and they’re already making a little poll of their own to guess which day she’ll finally decide to stop being stubborn and make her grand entrance.

It Was Just A Thought

I’ve discovered that the bigger this baby grows the harder of a time I have doing rather normal things like bending over, getting up from the couch and painting my toe nails. Considering my feet are swollen half the time and I’m now in flip flops and barefoot a good majority of the time nice looking toe nails have been my latest obsession.

In my past life when I was a single, career-girl with a cat I used to frequent a nearby nail salon. I didn’t even care if I couldn’t understand the women who seemed to talk more to each other while doing our nails than to us. However, after I became an instant mother, who shares her paycheck to provide for her new family and a cat my trips to get my nails done have become almost non-existent. In fact, the last time I did have a manicure/pedicure was when I flew out to Michigan for a friend’s wedding last September. It was by far the best manicure/pedicure ever.

Recently I attempted to paint my toe nails. I was successful in getting color on them, but not very successful in getting that fabulous polished look. I looked at FH and for a moment considered asking if he would help me. However, I dare not tread on his masculinity by asking that of him. I’m still trying to convince him that it would be a nice gesture to come home from work with a frozen yogurt topped with fruit in hand (it’s my one craving.) That has yet to happen, but I still have a couple of weeks left.

I later informed him of the idea that I ought to teach Middle Boy or Younger Boy how to paint my toe nails. I received a really fabulous look at that thought. But I didn’t really get an objection. The Pro is that someone else could help me paint my nails … for free. The Con is that it would probably look about as good as if I had tried it myself … or worse.

Maybe I’ll just try to save up for a trip to the salon. But it’s not a completely bad idea. Right?

Aww – He Cares About Me!

Not that I doubt any of the boys care but I’m always so touched when they show it. I guess it’s a part of that “I hope they like me” thought I’ve always had since the first day I met them a little over two years ago.

I’m 26 weeks pregnant today and I’m just growing and growing. I can no longer pull off squeezing into over-sized jeans and my regular shirts. I’ve, for the most part, replaced all of my every day wear with maternity clothes. Except for my sleepwear because my pj pants can still stretch enough and sit under my stomach, and I’m in the market for some new tank sleep tops.

It was this past weekend and the five of us were finishing up a tasty breakfast. I had on pj pants and a tank top and my stomach was sticking far out. Younger Boy came up to me with a look of concern on his face. He scratched his head and asked:

YR: What is happening with your tummy?

Me: That is where the baby is growing.

YR: Oh. My baby is growing too.

Awww! I felt so special that he was concerned for me. His baby, of course, is the imaginary baby that is currently growing in his stomach. He has told me on numerous occasions that he is feeding his baby because he knows I have to feed my baby.

Since he’s still at home with me for the most part until his Pre-K camp starts he’s been very helpful. He helps feed Nasty Cat lunch and dinner, he helps me pick up things that I’ve dropped and just am not about to crawl under a table to retrieve, and just this afternoon he helped me tuck the tag of my shirt in.

Isn’t he just precious? You know, when he’s not busy bossing his brothers around.

Eleven Weeks

Eleven Weeks – that is how far along I am in my pregnancy.

I’m still trying to grasp it although seeing the ultrasound made it more real for me. I’m a mix of emotions. I’m excited, and terrified, and flat out amazed. I’m also hating on the first trimester. Morning sickness blows, and if I don’t eat something small every 30-40 minutes I feel nauseous.

I’m also exhausted. As excited as I am, I really was looking forward to some downtime between the wedding and getting to be a wife. It still seems weird calling FH my husband in casual conversation. It sounds almost unbelievable telling everyone that I’m pregnant. It was quite a surprise that not even a week after the wedding I’m peeing on a stick that is telling me I’m pregnant. Not just pregnant, but six or so weeks pregnant.

But that is life, and we’re going to open our next chapter with open arms.

If anything the boys are very, very excited. I’m not sure how involved they got to be in Jane’s last pregnancy. But we’ve been having them take part in helping me out now. I’m glad that they’re as excited as they are. It’s helping me adjust to it all much easier.

Older Boy has taken on the duty of litter box patrol. It’s been great because he hasn’t complained about it and he does it every night as if he’s been doing it for years.

Younger Boy and Middle Boy actually got to be there for the first ultra sound. We made sure there was a heart beat before we brought them and FH in, but they were really excited and fascinated by the experience. We’re hoping that Older Boy will be able to accompany us one of these times once summer comes.

So here he or she is!

We Got Married!

We endured much wedding preparation chaos but we overcame all. It even came down to the chaos of needing an extra $400 five hours before it was due, however with the help of my parents and getting FH’s taxes filed early we pulled it all off.

Our wedding day was a really joyous and amazing day! We made sure to include the boys were we could in the ceremony and the smiles on their faces and their excitement really paid off for it.

I wanted to share my wedding vows with you. I don’t normally cry and I didn’t think I would. In fact for the whole first part of my vows I was doing pretty well. Then I got to the part where I made promises to the boys and I looked over at them as I said their names. As soon as I said Older Boy’s name he got the biggest smile on his face and his eyes widened and he just glowed. And that did it. Tears swelled in my eyes and my heart just about stopped beating in happiness. I somehow choked out the rest of my vows but I did it.

Of all the boys I think I was worried most about being accepted by Older Boy since he’s the oldest of course. Although he’s the one who has been asking for months and months now when we’d be getting married he’s been saying little things that have made me feel welcomed both as a family member and a parent to him. For one he named me as his parent in an essay he wrote while on the other hand he named Jane’s guy as his stepdad. I’ve very much accepted that he has accepted me as a parental figure in his life. He also vocally gives me much credit for many things and that has made me feel even more welcomed.

Anyway, here are my wedding vows:

FH, I promise to love you, to hold you and to honor you, in good times and in bad, to enjoy you, to communicate with you always, and to console you when you need consoling. I will give thanks for you each and every day, and cherish you with all of my heart. And I promise to be a patient, loving mother to Older Boy, Middle Boy, and Younger Boy; caring for them and providing for them as my own. I promise to be their strength and their emotional support, loving them with all my heart forever.

We also did a family sand ceremony. I ended up going to a craft store and buying small vases, sea salt and coloring. I also got a glass etching kit and put the first letter of our first name on each of our vases. We also let the boys pick out the color they'd like. It came out really nice and all of the boys were really excited to be able to have a role in the wedding.

Here is a photo of the sand ceremony set up before the ceremony.

Here is a photo of afterward. And as an added bonus there’s my hand-made bouquet and our yummy cake.

I’m hoping now that things have been settling back down I’ll be able to post more frequently again.

Let The Holiday Festivities Begin!

This last weekend FH and I decided we should get into the swing of celebrating the holidays. Saturday FH took the two older boys out to pick out a Christmas tree. It’s cute and small and doesn’t overpower our apartment.

Last year we had to get a small tree to put up high on a table because Fat Cat is notorious for trying to climb Christmas trees. This year we got another small tree, but Nasty Cat is the only cat we have to keep an eye on since Fat Cat went back to live with my parents.

In following tradition with last year we brought home ornaments for the boys to decorate. At the moment all of the ornaments we have are the ones that we have made either here as a family or that the boys have made at school. Considering it’s a small tree our homemade ornaments fill it up quite nice. This year we brought home wooden stars for the boys to paint. Then we posted a photo of them from this year and put their name and the year on the back.

We also picked out a new patch for our stockings – Another tradition that we started last year. Since Jane had all of their stockings and my personal stocking is with my parents we thought it might be a nice idea to get new stockings for everyone and to put a patch each year. In my opinion they’re all really cute and I think the boys like being able to help decorate and choose what they would like on theirs. This year I added a sparkly martini glass patch to mine.

And we started one more new tradition. This year we decorated a gingerbread house. When I was little my sister and I would get to help decorate one with my dad and from what I remember it was a lot of fun. The boys hadn’t had the opportunity and both FH and I thought that they’d like to do one. I looked up a couple of recipes and finally decided that it wouldn’t hurt anyone to by a pre-made kit.

So last night the boys all took turns working together to put decorations on the house. It was really nice to see that the three of them were able to take turns and decide upon designs together. It was a refreshing moment from the usual bickering. FH even got in on the action by placing one gum drop on the roof, while I was the mistress of the icing.

Although as much fun as the boys had decorating I think their favorite part was when we were done and I let them lick up some of the frosting that I put on a plate.

Have any of you created any new traditions to do as a new family? I’m curious to see what other things blended families do together to create new holiday traditions.

And some holiday photos for your viewing enjoyment!

Middle Boy painting his ornament:


Our tree:


The finished gingerbread house:


And by popular demand! Stockings!


Last year's patches were the fish. This year he wanted the owl.


And mine! Last years were my purple flowers. This year the sparkly martini glass which FH found for me. I was going to get some ladybugs but FH found the perfect patch!

My Mothering Skills Under Spotlight

Sorry for the lack of blogs last week. It was a busy work week followed by a crazy busy weekend. It was a fun weekend, but there is one specific adventure I wanted to share.

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m good friends with Jane’s older sister. (I can’t remember what I called her before so I’ll call her Allison.) Allison is very much the black sheep of her family. By that I mean that she’s responsible, she doesn’t play the victim and she’s social. She also isn’t a big fan of Jane’s actions. I think she gets just as frustrated by everything Jane does. She's told me things that Jane has said to her and the things she's either admitted/or lied hoping to do I don't know what make me shudder. I think she often tries to figure out where it all went wrong with her sister. We have family game nights with Allison and her family at least once month. We’ve dubbed each other family and adopted sisters because that’s just how it feels.

Anyway, Allison had a joint birthday party for her two daughters this weekend. I was kind of anxious knowing that Jane might show up, but I was fairly convinced that Jane would not show. Jane canceled her visit with the boys this week with the vague excuse that she was being pulled out of the area for something. And I found out at the party I was right, Jane wasn’t coming because she had work. However, the rest of the family was there.

Jolie was there, Jane’s grandma was there, and some of her cousins were there. It was a bit intimidating. The only interaction I had really had with Jolie was the one time that I stayed the night over at house when my fiancé was still living there and when we would pick the boys up from her house if they were visiting. At the party I had the chance to sit down and socialize.

What caught me off guard was when Jane and Allison’s grandma (Grandma) came up and gave me a hug when she introduced herself to me. Allison was with me when she came over so it wasn’t as intimidating. What was intimidating was knowing that I was being observed. I made sure to be myself though. It wasn’t the first time that I felt that my mothering skills and techniques were under observation, but it was the first time that it was being done by Jane’s family.

And it wasn’t that bad. I’m sure my own personality helped though. I’m by nature a social bee. I’ve also been told that I’m quite charming and pleasant to talk to. I also made sure that I talked a little bit about myself as well as what we’ve been up to with the boys. Both Jolie and Grandma seemed so excited to hear about all the recent accomplishments of all the boys. I risked opening myself a little to them so that they could get to know me as an individual a bit better too. If felt like walking on thin ice, but it felt comfortable. Maybe I just have more confidence in myself than I give myself credit for. I think that they both saw how much the boys have blossomed and how well they are doing now. It didn’t feel quite as much as I had to prove myself to them, although that’s what I know I was doing.

By the end of the day Grandma gave me a hug. She told me that she loved me before she met me and now that she has she loves me even more and that I’m doing a good job. I felt a lot of relief, as I usually do when people tell me that I’m doing a god job. It’s not so much that I doubt myself, it’s more that I’ve jumped into this feet first without any clue what I was doing. So the reassurance helps me feel like I’m doing some good. It also gave me much relief that someone is out there batting for me. It was a really good feeling to know that Allison is telling her family all of the good that has been going on in our family lately, as well as letting them know that I’m a good person.

Who knows what Jane has told her family about me. Not that I expect much since she has nothing to go off of except her own bitterness. I came after their divorce and I had nothing to do with the choices she's made. It's. But still … I’m very thankful for my relationship with Allison. It has helped me a lot in my new step mom lifestyle.

Recharging On the Mountain

This last week was not ideal. I can’t even really remember what started the domino effect of crappy happenings. The earliest I remember was Middle Boys crying fit over nothing except the fact that he just didn’t take a good nap. Then it rolled into the shit hittin the fan at work. Not necessarily that I was in trouble, but that I had a lot of trouble to deal with. With the help of Facebook changing their layout design, children on spring break and causing a ruckus on my forums and online communities, and then my work computer keyboard deciding to just die ... it was not a fun week.

But I did get to recharge a bit. Although not in an ideal, alone away from the boys, type of way that I would love (like the spa!). We decided that we all needed to get out of the house, especially I who had not really gotten out in far too long.

We decided to go hiking out at Point Reyes State park out here in Nor Cal on Saturday. It was a beautiful day and perfect hiking conditions – Sunny, beautiful with a slight breeze. We did a warm up lap around the Earthquake Trail. The trail is basically a big mile long loop, but it runs next to the San Andreas fault that is marked with big blue posts. There’s also a fence right up next to it that was jerked apart during the major 1906 earthquake up in these part. The kids thought it was pretty neat. The park also set up little kiosks with information about the earth’s plates and earthquakes in kid-friendly language so they liked to stop and read from there too.

Then we decided to hike up a mountain side. My fiancé and Older Boy were all about it. Younger Boy and I brought up the rear and Middle Boy hovered between both of us. Although he realized that you got to rest more if you hiked up front because from time to time you’d stop to wait for Younger Boy and me to catch up within a reasonable distance. It was beautiful. I actually didn’t mind being Younger Boy’s hiking buddy. It meant that I got to go slow and steady and drink in the nature around us. And since he held my hand the entire way he helped to balance me out as we climbed up the incline.

He also talked my ear off the entire way. I don’t know how he had the energy to talk the entire hike up and hike up, but he did it. It was entertaining. At one point he decided that we were trains. I guess this could be in reference to me telling him that we were like Thomas the Tank Engine going up a hill. Either way, it worked and provided entertainment.

YB: I’m pulling you Crys.
Me: Are you Thomas?
YB: Yes, and you’re a freight car!
Me: Oh OK, then I want to be Annie.
YB: Ha ha, You’re a freight car!

He also talked about macaroni and cheese and French fries at Red Robin, pooping and farting, and the horse that we saw. A lady was riding her horse down the side of the mountain, it was pretty neat.

It took up about an hour to go a mile and a half up the side of the mountain. We decided to cut the hike short and turn around at that point. It took us about half an hour to get back down. Younger Boy was so proud that he hiked that mountain all by himself. Usually when we go hiking he asks for one of us to hold him when we get near the end, but he did it all by himself and got a big high five for it.

I really loved being out in the forest though, even if was on the side of a mountain. It was beautiful. Here are some photos I took along the hike.


I really loved these little flowers. There weren't many of them as they grew one or two stalks here and there. But they were beautiful.


The scenery


I love trying to catch the tops of these trees. It's enchanting to gaze up at.

Family Acceptance & Wedding Planning

I wanted to share some wedding planning since it’s been a while. Now, my family has always been about being unique. We don’t enjoy following what “everyone is supposed to do” and it’s not necessarily that we’re rule breakers or renegades, but we find pride in paving our own path. So I’ve been trying to see how I can make a twist with some family wedding traditions for my situation.

Wedding Tradition – The Unity Candle
Traditionally a Unity Candle symbolizes the joining of two families. But I really wanted to somehow include the boys in our ceremony. That’s when I stumbled upon the sand ceremony. It’s basically a large vase and instead of lighting candles the couple pours sand into it. And, I found a company that makes smaller vases so that children can also participate. I’m really excited about this because each of the boys can choose their own color sand to symbolize them, and take part in a special part of our ceremony.

My fiancé seemed really happy with this idea. He even suggested that we could get a China Hutch to put the vases on display. (I was rather impressed! Not only did he know what a China Hutch was, but he also wanted to put this special keepsake from our wedding on display without me having to suggest the idea in the first place!)

What I’m trying to figure out now is how to include our parents in it. With the Unity Candle the parents usually light the candles for their child (the bride and groom). But with the sand ceremony we would most likely already have the sand in the vases. I’ve considered spending a little extra money and getting our parents each their own vase to add sand as the base for our family. That way they can still participate, and they’ll each have a little keepsake from our wedding.

Wedding Tradition – Down the Aisle
So far, my mother has begun the tradition of having both of her parents escort her down the aisle. (I’ve actually seen this done at a couple of Hispanic weddings so I can’t really claim that it’s new.) Anyway, we’re doing it a bit different. In my bridal party are two of my best guy friends from the college days (both of whom my mother has dubbed as her sons). So the two of them will be escorting her down the aisle, meanwhile my father and my Grandma (my mom’s mom) will be escorting me.

My Grandma and Grandpa practically raised me. Both of my parents worked, so I spent a lot of time over at their house. My mom called me a couple of weeks ago to relay that my Grandmother had shared that her dream had always been that she and my Grandpa would be able to escort me down the aisle at my wedding (Which my mom found totally touching and appropriate). Sadly, my Grandfather succumbed to Alzheimer’s Disease and passed away from complications from it around my Sweet Sixteenth Birthday (wasn’t much of a Sweet Sixteen). But I am very excited to have my father and Grandma escort me down, and in my heart I know that my Grandfather will be there with us.

The thing though is that it’s a still a secret to my Grandma right now. She’s kind of at that age where she’s old, and rather extremely aware of her health (the woman has already taken care of costs for her casket and left directions for her funeral proceedings). So basically I’m going to surprise her with this dream-come-true a little later this year, probably for a Christmas surprise. She is already excited though because she’s already out shopping for the perfect dress to wear.

Family Acceptance
Getting engaged and moving in with the boys has really given me a whole new appreciation for my family. Not only have they been excited for me, but they have been oh so welcoming to my fiancé and the boys. We’ve been hanging out with my cousins and my parents quite a bit. (Which is pretty normal for my family members that life near each other.) In a family that’s been torn apart my stupid drama, us younger generations (my mother and down) have really embraced family ties and the importance of having your family close at heart.

Of course I received many looks of shock and disbelief from some members, but still at the end of the day (or once the shock has passed) most of them really have been happy for me and welcoming of the new family members. The boys have also been rather open to having quite a large family now (my family is huge, especially compared to what they are used to from my fiancé and Jane’s families). Middle Boy was so excited and he told my mom, “I have so many cousins now and I don’t know all their names!” She was pretty touched by that. She’s worked in child development for years and I think was really touched that he was so open to including our family as a part of his family now.

That Is Your Penis

OK, I have been bursting to share this story with you ladies. And I slightly teased it in the last entry with the usage of the word “urinating” so I had to come back and tell it to you. It’s a little overdue, as it occurred on Christmas Day, but better late then never.

Background Info
On my mom’s side of the family there are seven granddaughters. We are essentially the seven princesses. I am the first granddaughter and bear the title of Princess #1. I kid you not, my Grandma still writes that on all of my birthday cards. My grandparents pretty much raised me while I was young and growing up, and as a young child I, Princess #1, could do no wrong.

Well, as an adult Princess now I generally can still do no wrong, but I can be misinformed which could cause slight mistakes that my Grandma either shakes her head at or lectures me on the proper way to do things. (The best is when she has my mother call me to inform me of my misinformed actions.)

Fast Forward – Two Weeks Before Christmas
Now I’ve heard little boys call their parts so many different things. There’s my weenie, my pee-pee, my privates, my stick, and my personal favorite my pee stick. Well, as an instant mom I wasn’t sure exactly what the standard name had been set as for this. As a gutter-minded dirty foul-mouthed chick that generally hangs out with all guys, you can imagine the words I’ve used for it.

So there I was, monitoring Younger Boy as he sat on the toilet. I had my sister Wendy on the phone as we discussed plans for the Christmas holiday when I noticed Younger Boy pulling and tugging at his package. In fact, I almost called it that to his face.

Me: Stop pulling on your pac…your coc…..your, your … stop playing with your junk.
YB: OK. *immediately lets go*
Wendy: *on the phone* You realize he’s going to be the only kid at preschool who calls it his junk.
Me: Yeah, I know. Not the best choice of words. But it was the best I could come up with.

Fast Forward – Christmas Day
So there we all were … at my parent’s house …Wendy, my parents, my Grandma, my cousins, and my family. We were sipping red wine and munching on nuts. My sister, my Grandma, my mom and I were standing in the kitchen talking when she did it. Wendy, my dear younger sister, took the opportunity to rat me out to my Grandma.

Oh yeah, she told her exactly what I told Younger Boy, and the follow up comment she made to me. My Grandma shook her head in that way that only she can. The head shake that I have obviously chosen an action based on misinformation. I took a swig of pinot noir because I knew it was coming.

It was a great lecture. She bestowed her Grandmother wisdom on the topic of how I ought to be using the correct terms for these things. “Penis,” “Testicles” and “Urinating” were the correct words that I ought to be using because any other words I allowed him to use would not only disservice him, but could lead to other kids teasing him down the line when he referred to his penis as his pee-pee.

Wendy did not quite plan on this lecture, but it satisfied me that she was included in it. Whenever she has kids, there will be no excuse for any male offspring to mislabel their penis in the early years. Ha! Karma is a bitch.

Fast Forward – Three Days After Christmas
With this new information in mind, I was on the ready for the moment that I needed to spring into action. And oh yes, my moment of glory came just three days after Christmas. I was in the boys room pulling out clean pajamas for Younger Boy. Older Boy and Middle Boy were already in their beds laughing and talking with me. Younger Boy comes bouncing in, butt naked pulling on his penis.

YB: It’s my pee-pee!
Me: No, that is your penis. Pee-nis.
OB: Why do you call it that? *Genuine confusion sets in on his face*
Me: Because that’s what it’s actually called. *flustered at first, but the answer rolls out like I knew it all along*
OB: Oh *satisfied with my answer the confusion clears*
YB: My Pee-nis *laughing as he tugs on it some more*

Oh boy … I can see it now. We’ll be standing in line somewhere, surrounded by a lot of people … possibly little old ladies and other loud-mouthed children just looking for a new word to mimic. Younger Boy will find just the right moment to announce to all those within hearing distance that he has a penis. I mean, come on, isn’t that one of the ultimate rights of passage as a parent? When your kid embarrasses you by giving an anatomy lesson?

I totally look forward to it.

Holiday Ramblings

This is my first year sharing a holiday. And I don’t mean with Jane, as she thus far is the least of my holiday issues. No, I’m talking about sharing the holiday with my fiancé’s family. It’s also my first year having children to consider gifts and what not for. And I must admit, it’s a bit more stressful now that I’m living it.

Financial Stacking Tricks
My fiancé and I are paying for our monthly bills/loans; providing for a family of five; trying to find presents for our families; and provide all the holiday cheer for our own family. It probably doesn’t help matters much that we’re also trying to pay for a wedding on top of the holiday spending. Plus, have I even mentioned that Middle Boy’s, my fiancé’s and my birthday are all in a row about a week and a half after Christmas? Because they are! Oh My!

That’s not even the icing on the cake. It’s a pretty good icing base, as the financial issue is the biggest of my problem, so far at least. And I’m hoping it remains that way. No, I’m still plotting our Christmas Day marathon in my head. Have I mentioned that I’ve never had to split a holiday between families before.

Holiday Tap Dances And Cooking Talents
Thanksgiving was a pretty good starter. And I’m hoping that Christmas Day will go along the same lines. The main issue I’m having is that I just don’t have all of the details yet. And by “details” I mean that I don’t know what I’ll be expected to bring food wise for either of the feasts yet. I’m trying to fit in cooking time. Traditionally, I make a bunch of my homemade French apple pies and give them out to extended family. It’s a tradition that I’d really like to keep going as this is really one of the few chances I get to see the people that I give the pies too.

Thanksgiving I came down to the line as I like to prepare things the night before and then throw them together the day off so that they’re hot, fresh and delicious. Not wilted or soaked through. I need details people!!! Perhaps I’m far too organized and structured for my own good.

At work I had a giant wall calendar with color coded deadlines on it. I also had post-it notes on the calendar for things that didn’t have a set deadline but really ought to get done. That and I had great satisfaction in taking the post-it note down when I was through with a task. The point is that I’m trying to plan things out and organize them without the details. And it’s driving me up the wall.

Making Christmas
Whew … let’s jump to presents. I’m really all about getting useful gifts. Now, I remember wanting the most useless toys, and I got a few of them. We had the boys write out lists for things they wanted (that weren’t video games). They wrote some nice little lists. They’re each getting one things off of that list. But man, there are quite a few simple things that they didn’t quite ask for that they’re getting too. Like warm, winter clothes! I feel like a jerk, but now have a new appreciation for my parents.

I remember the socks I got each year. I knew they were coming, and I didn’t hate getting them as those socks got put to good use, specifically the slippery socks that we slid across our hardwood floors in. Now, as a parent, I see why I got winter socks each Christmas.

Sharing Me
I also am still getting used to spending/sharing my time with another person. It was a big deal moving in with a boyfriend, and now that he’s my future hubby, that’s a whole new reality check I’m dealing with. And now I'm expected to also go over to spend time with his family. Not that I can’t do it, and I do enjoy spending time with his family. It’s just a new concept to balance out.

I’ll make it through. Perhaps not completely sane, but I’ll figure it out. I, at least, have that much faith in me.

Give Me That Tragedy

“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart's desire. The other is to gain it.” -George Bernard Shaw
“Yes, losing your heart's desire is tragic. But gaining your heart's desire? That's all you can hope for. This year I wished for love...to immerse myself in someone else and to wake a heart long afraid to feel. My wish was granted. And if having that is tragic, then give me that tragedy. Because I wouldn't give it back for the world.” -Peyton Sawyer (The Tide That Left And Never Came Back, OTH)

How I adore my One Tree Hillisms.

I have wonderful, happy, exciting news.

On Tuesday the boyfriend and I actually got to go out on a date (very rare occasion). The boys were at Jane’s to spend part of their Thanksgiving week off.

He brought me out to the pier to watch the sun set. (It was a bit overcast but this has become a special spot for us to go to.) We were sitting on a bench watching the sun set, the calm water and the lights of houses across the water light up. There were some annoying skater boys in the back of us, and I laughed at them while the boyfriend muttered annoyance at them. We were holding hands gazing out at the water when he turned to me and said something about putting an end to an evening of nervousness.

And that, is when he pulled out a beautiful diamond ring and got down on one knee as he asked me to marry him!

I managed to whisper out a yes as the excitement and rush of bliss filled me up, and he slipped the ring on my finger.

Then we went and played some putt-putt golf (he in his slacks and tie and me in my wedges and poufy skirt. It was great!) And then went out for a delicious Italian dinner.

So the boyfriend has officially been promoted up to fiancé. It’s still sinking in, but I can’t shake the blissful happy butterfly feeling that rushes through me lately. I don’t think I want to shake it, as it is actually rather nice and refreshing.

And the boys are very excited about it. Older Boy has been asking for about two months now when we’re getting married. And Middle Boy had a huge grin on his face and swooped up to give me a hug after we told them. Younger Boy seems more interested in whether or not he can play with play doh or not. Expected I guess from a three-year-old boy. Of course, now they’ve been asking when I’m going to get a ring for Daddy. They crack me up.

I was very nervous about telling the boys to be quite honest. Even though Older Boy had been asking for months when we were getting married, or my favorite, “Daddy, when are you going to get a ring,” I had a really bad dream one night last month where we did tell them and Older Boy got so mad and angry that he was trying to purposely sabotage me. But, they are excited and that puts my worried soul at ease.

We’ve started planning and we’re trying to figure out how to incorporate the boys into it so that they feel that they are a part of it. We’ve been trying to work on becoming a family, and I think making them feel a part of it would be great (I hope!)

Anyway, that is where I have been. We’ve been sharing the good news and I’ve been all over the internet (Etsy, The Knot, Here Comes The Guide) trying to be prepared and doing my research. But I had to come on and share it with all of you too! I hope that you all had a great Thanksgiving! Oh, and here is a photo of the ring because, as a fellow lady, I know you all want to see it.

Self-Imposed Ickyness - Pressure To Not Fail

I absolutely adore my boyfriend’s family. It’s funny, since we dated in 7th grade I had some sort of view of them. I played softball on a team against the one that one of his sisters was on and his dad coached. I also was fairly intimidated by his mom who was on the same side as mine when it came to our first date to the movie theater. They very much insisted that we go on a group activity instead of just us two on a date. (Which I understand now, but as a 7th grade girl it was rather inconvenient to go and find friends that could go that I didn’t mind tagging along.) Then I moved and there is was a big gap, and now I have a completely different perspective of them.

We have family dinners with his two sisters and their families often. And I’ll talk to his mom on the phone now and then. And his dad and I are the only ones in the family that drink coffee… needless to say, I love being a part of his family now.

The thing though is that I feel a pressure whenever I’m with them. I don’t necessarily think that they’re trying to put it on me. I truly think that this pressure is self applied, but the fact is that I feel it. As said in a past post (The Vodka On Top Of The Fridge) I feel like such an outsider because of how I’ve lived my life and how they’ve lived theirs, but I feel this pressure that I have to prove that I’m fit to be a good parent, that I am a good parent to the boys to them. This pressure to prove that I’m fit to be a future good wife, that I am a good partner to their brother. I feel like they’re putting me side-by-side with Jane and comparing us, and damn, of all the people you’re going to compare me to, I really dislike, with a fierce passion, being compared to her.

I don’t usually ask details of life before me (unless its something that I need background info on, like how have you guys done “this” or “that” before). But his family throws them out now and then. Usually it’s starts with praise for me (usually from his mother) or a comment about how much better, how well, or how good the way things are run/handled concerning the boys are now. Then it's followed with some detail about how she did it (and it always disappoints me to hear how not great or selfish she is.) And trust me, it is so nice to get the pat on the back, but that being compared to Jane thing again … it just feels so slimy and uncomfortable.

It’s just I feel spotlighted sometimes, that now that I’ve been acknowledged that I’m doing so well, or so much better than Jane ever did, that I have to make sure that I don’t mess up, that I don’t slip. (It must be that hidden need to be perfect and the best at everything I do. Damn that impulse! That will be a future post.)

Am I making sense here? I’m not sure if I am, but it’s one of those icky and weird feelings that I feel that I don’t think I’ve quite figured completely out yet. Much less one I don’t know will ever go away, but there’s got to be a way to deal with it … To thin out the thickness of it.

I feel like the student that is being pressured by his parents to get straight A’s. Except their not saying “You had better be a good mom/partner or else…” I feel like my actions and how I deal with things, and the things I tell them are looked at and being compared (possibly) to what/how Jane used to do it. And I’m pretty sure I already mentioned this but I sure as hell don’t like being compared to Jane by anyone (although I know that really there is no way around it.)

As I said, it’s self applied, but I hate the feeling of it. And it’s just yet, another challenge (of self-imposed ickyness) that I need to work on balancing out.

But, I don’t let this stop me from hanging out with them and having a good time.

My Current Definition Of Happiness

Derek: Well, your son's lucky to have a mom that chose him over her career. I wasn't so lucky.
Haley: Yeah, I'm sorry. We all make different choices and we need different things. I think eventually we learn to define happiness for ourselves on our own terms in spite of the pain other people have caused us. You know?
-Even Fairy Tale Characters Would Be Jealous, One Tree Hill

If I haven’t mentioned it before, I am a One Tree Hill junky. The show sometimes makes me angry with bad storylines, but the quotes that I get from it are heavenly. I sometimes think that my life has been a mix of Peyton Sawyer’s and Brook Davis’ lives from the show – Only because I’ve actually experienced a lot of what they have. It’s weird to watch a storyline on a television show and think – I’ve lived that. Now if only one of them could experience being a step mom – although Brook is currently a foster mom so I guess that’s kind of close enough. Anyway, last week’s episode had the above snippet. It made me feel rather content.

I think my definition of happiness has had quite a makeover. It received the same treatment as The Plan. It was cut here, trimmed here, allowed to grow here and then shaved some more from over there. My definition of happiness has been through quite a lot, and I think that it might be a work in progress.

Reflecting back, I see that at first I thought happiness was landing my dream job. Happiness to me was being the busy, hard working career woman that I was. Around the end of 2007 I began to realize that my career wasn’t happiness. I wasn’t quite sure what it was, but I knew that living in an area that I didn’t like breaking my back performing a dream job that wasn’t exactly a dream was not happiness. No way was that true happiness.

And then the boyfriend walked back in. And that was happiness and it wasn’t happiness. It downright reminded me of the line from Shakespeare:

“My only love sprung from my only hate!
Too early seen unknown, and known too late!
Prodigious birth of love it is to me
That I must love a loathèd enemy.”
-Romeo And Juliet (Act 1, Scene 5)

My love had three boys. And although I have come to dearly love those boys … the situation has brought me great heartache at times. If I stayed in this relationship I wasn’t going to get what I had earlier planned as a happy ending.

And here I am. It has been a little over two months since I’ve moved in. Jumping forward I see that my definition of happiness has a lot of room to grow and change and develop.

But for now happiness is…

• Being with my boyfriend and seeing the smile on his face
• Being able to live with all of my boys, and not have to drive from over 300 miles away to see them
• Having my family with me, and sharing my new family with my family
• Snuggling with my cats on the couch
• Seeing my orchid plant still in bloom (amazingly it is still alive)
• Getting a hug from the boys
• Hearing the boys tell me that they love me
• Hearing the boys tell me they missed me when they come home from Jane's house
• Seeing the confidence on Older Boys face last night when he told me that he won two of the matches at his martial arts lesson.
• Seeing the joy on Middle Boys face when he realized that he can read words on his own
• Seeing the smile on Younger Boys face as he learned how to finger paint yesterday

Happiness is going to be enjoying life, in spite of the frustration that Jane might bring. Happiness is enjoying the small things that make me feel alive and thankful that I have taken on this opportunity. Happiness is whatever I decide it will be, and only if I remember to allow myself to have it.

3 Year Olds Have Feelings Too

I have been working to be proactive when it comes to Jane’s visits with the boys. And I mean that in the most positive and compassionate way. Before I came she hardly ever saw them – maybe once a month. I arrived and she had her baby, and she started calling more often. I took a weekend to read through the divorce papers so that I could understand legalities a bit better in their situation. They have joint legal custody, but he has sole physical custody.

I’ve had to come and think about things… a lot of things. Is this “sudden want” to see the boys:

• Because she’s on maternity leave and has time to see them (before she had the baby her available days were Thursday because that was her day off.)
• Because I’m here and she feels that she suddenly has competition
• Because perhaps, there’s a chance that she’s actually changed and WANTS to see them because she wants to. (And I say this because the way she’s presented taking them was as if she was doing us a favor by taking them off of our hands.)
  

My concerns with this “sudden want” to see the boys is, “Is it going to last?”

I suggested working trying to set up a schedule, and then the boyfriend brought up the whole maternity time off ending at some point. That terrified me. I don’t want to get the boys hopes up if it’s all going to end. I’ve already seen it happen once. And it broke my heart to have to tell them that they actually weren’t going to be seeing Jane that weekend.

So we’re just playing it week by week, month by month, holiday by holiday. I don’t know if she was going to ask for them for the Thanksgiving holiday. But I asked the boyfriend to find out if she would like them for a couple of days during their week off. And I guess she said yes, so I’m hoping that she won’t change her mind.

Back on topic, I have tried to be proactive about it. I’ve been trying to remind the boyfriend that I need to be made aware of what decisions have been made when it comes to them visiting her. I don’t want to make plans only to find out that plans were already made. [Refer to “And Then I Exploded.”] That is communication between us. However, this post refers to her lack in communication with us. She likes to drop things on us the day of.

Jane was supposed to take the boys this weekend. Come Friday, I find out she only wanted two of them. She said it was because she didn’t have room in her car for all of them to visit her father this weekend. However, after the boyfriend picked them up he said that she was talking about continuing only taking two at a time. Now, she did just have a baby and I understand that, but do the boys?

We chose to keep Younger Boy with us, since she didn’t say which two she preferred to have. We chose to keep him because he’s still potty training and the last time he stayed at her house he allegedly finger painted with his poop. (Which he has never done here, but I’m not going to say she’s a liar.)

All I can say is that it broke my heart when the boyfriend and Middle Boy went to go pick up Older Boy without him. He knew that he was supposed to go to her house. And (while we are working with him on this) Middle Boy isn’t very common sense smart yet when it comes to gloating about getting to do things others don’t/not teasing people about getting to do things others do. They walked out the door and Younger Boy sat there, on the ground with the saddest look on his face. Head looking down, hands clasped in his lap. And one lone tear trickled down his cheek.

It took a lot of strength not to cry myself. I beckoned to him and we sat there. I wiped his tear and told him I loved him. (And I know that I’m not replacing her, I never will and I don’t intend to. I like to hope that we can have a relationship of our own.) He was soon smiling, and that was important to me.

The boyfriend and I decided to make it a fun weekend for Younger Boy. We took him out to Pier 39 to see the sea lions and the big hit with him was the pigeons (the kitcheons). We all had donuts for breakfast in our bed and watched cartoons all morning.

I know that he’s only three, and he may or may not remember it. But I hope that he’ll remember that he is loved, and he is wanted, and that he had a good time with us. He has feelings too, and those feelings can be hurt while us adults are too busy trying to 1) figure life out, 2) thinking about ourselves and 3) make our life work the way we want it to.

The Vodka On Top Of The Fridge

I spent the whole weekend with my boyfriend and his family. His parents were down to celebrate their anniversary so we brought the boys over to both of his sisters’ houses (Saturday and Sunday) to hang out with everyone.

I love his family. But sometimes I feel like such an outsider. It makes me kind of sad. I know that I have the rest of my life to build new relationships, but right now it kind of sucks. I love hearing stories of when they were growing up. It’s quite humorous.

I think what makes me feel like such an outsider is that my life has been completely different than theirs, and it makes me feel like a wild, party girl. (And although I did have my party days, they’re not quite what I know a wild, party girl is.)

I’ve found that sometimes I’ll say something that is obvious to me, from my life experiences. And the boyfriend looks at me like “what?” It has happened while with his family too. I forget how it came up, but I brought up Beer Pong. And I got the “What?” look. And then he asked some of the others there and I got multiple “What?” looks. And it was far simpler to just stop from there than to continue on. And I lived this really independent life for so many years! All of them got married young, all have at least two kids minimum. (All the siblings, no joke!) So sometimes I feel like the young out of control wild child teenager compared to them.

And man, do I ever feel like a party girl when I’m with them. I don’t drink every day, nor do I get out of control. But I do enjoy a nice glass of wine with dinner or a delicious cocktail now and then. I grew up with alcohol in my family. My dad would have a glass of red wine every night with his dinner. My mother is a tequila connoisseur. I’ve worked on becoming an amateur wine taster and learning all about the different wines. I’m aware of alcoholism, and I don’t believe that my drinking habits even come close to alcoholism or being out of control. (As I have seen it in real life with family and friends.) But when you’re with a family that hardly ever drinks, and with a boyfriend that literally just started drinking (mainly more because he’s met me and my family) well … I feel like I’ve corrupted him. I feel almost evil, and dirty, and wrong.

His parents were over last night to look at the apartment. We had bottles of Vanilla Absolute, Strawberry Stoli, Hazelnut Kahlua, the remains of some Strawberry Margarita mix and some nasty Mike’s Hard Lemonade bottles (his because man that stuff is nasty) on top of the fridge. (Off Topic, if you’re looking for a tasty White Russian mix – I recommend a 1 part vanilla vodka, 2 parts Hazelnut Kahlua and the rest half and half or whole milk. So good!) On Topic, I heard his mother being motherly and, in that worried motherly tone, reminding him that alcoholism runs in his family. (It reminded me of my mother except she starts off with “Don’t forget depression runs in our family…”) But it made me kind of flinch as I sat there at my computer working.

Every time we see family (either his or mine) it’s like he’s discovered something new that he likes or dislikes and has to share it. He likes Corona. He likes White Merlot wine. He likes margaritas. However, he’s not fond of straight liquor, and I really don’t foresee the two of us toasting over Irish Car Bombs together in the future. There was another time this weekend when it was jokingly pointed out that the boyfriend didn’t drink until he met me. And I know that it was jokingly, but man … I dislike being blamed for the choices people make. (Not that they were accusingly pointing a finger. I guess it’s just a tender spot to push with me.) Do I influence people? It’s a possibility. I’ve been told “I blame you” for a lot of thins. I believe that anyone can be a role model or influence (good or bad) in a person’s life. But it’s how the person being influenced perceives and acts upon this influence. Man, I hope that made sense.

It makes me wonder about how our wedding is going to be. I can see it now. My family would be on one side with the glasses of alcohol, laughing and being their crazy selves (sober or not), and his family in the corner with their sodas, looking upon us all saying “Tsk, Tsk.” OK, maybe not completely 8th grade school dance. I’ve had drinks with his sisters before. But still … sometimes I feel like the wild, fraternity sweetheart college girl in the group. And it’s not a bad thing, but it can just be an awkward thing. I guess it’s something we’ll all just have to work on accepting.