Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Memo to Nasty Cat – Don’t Get Too Comfortable

Memo: To Nasty Cat
Dept: Cats
From: Crys
Subject: More Changes

Nasty Cat, I want to acknowledge that you have been a pretty good sport with all the changes we’ve undergone together in the last two years.

You’ve been very tolerant with the boys, other children who come to visit the house and even with FH. You’ve also been very good, for the most part, about the constant moving every year to a new home. I feel your pain on not enjoying it all the time, but I appreciate it and I wanted you to know that I appreciate it.

I know that you too are very excited and looking forward to tomorrow (Wednesday, August 25th) when the boys go back to school. And I do mean all three boys will be going to school for a good part of the day. Younger Boy will be going to kindergarten so that means that he will only be gone for part of the morning, but no worries he will eventually go all day too.

With this said I think it is time I inform you that I am now about 35 weeks pregnant. I know this really means nothing to you at the moment, but to me that means that in a matter of weeks I’ll be giving birth to this little baby. I’m not sure if you’ve ever experienced a baby before. I’m not sure what your life was like before I brought you home from the shelter. But a baby is a whole new thing for both you and me.

I know so far your main experience with this baby has been when you try to cuddle up around my suddenly large stomach and you get poked. I know it's confused you. There you are, napping on my lap when you get a swift poke (kick) to the head. FH and I really didn't mean to laugh at you, but the look of surprise and confusion on your face was priceless.

With my experience with babies they like to cry, and poop, and sleep, and eat … a lot. In some retrospect a baby’s life is very similar to how you spend your day.

I know you’re aware that we’ve acquired some new furniture. Like the chair on wheels contraption and the other lounging chair with the handle. We’ve been trying to set these out so that you can see them, get used to them, and realize that their not yours.

In closing – the baby is almost here. And that means that life is about to get all kinds of crazy again. I thought I ought to at least try to give you a heads up since it’s about to be you, me and the baby all day.

Just so you know, I still love you a lot and you’ll always be my kitty. But you’re going to have to learn how to share me. Oh, and you can have total rule over the boys’ rooms while they’re off at school.

Kind Regards,
Crys, House Co-Director

NOTE: I'm attaching a photo of you trying to sleep on my lap with the baby to help remind you that you have already sort of become a part of the baby's life. She knows who you are by your purring and I like to think that maybe she already likes you and her poking at you is her way of saying "hello."

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Feeling A Little Guilty

Well, I’m glad to say that we’re moved out of the old apartment and are in the nice bigger townhouse. It’s not the permanent place, but it’s more fitting. Older Boy now has his own room which is a big deal. Middle Boy and Younger Boy are sharing a room and will just have to work harder on getting along. And the baby will have her own little nook in the master bedroom with us. She even has her own closet which is already full of clothes, blankets and diapers.

Can I also tell you that at 34 weeks I’m so ready to have this baby? I’ve been trying so hard to be patient because all I want is to have her already and get it over with. I’ve also been trying hard not to think too much about the whole birthing process that is in the very near future. Gah!

August has been crazy busy which is probably how it passed by so fast. It’s also been a relaxing time because the kiddos have been at one place or another. This week Older Boy and Middle Boy are staying with Jane for the week and we have Younger Boy here with us. He spent a weekend with Middle Boy at her home the first weekend of the month.

I’m feeling a little guilty because I don’t have a longing, missing feeling for them. I know that FH misses them like crazy. But I’m currently enjoying the quiet and less chaotic times. I’ve also been feeling rather disconnected from the boys. Even with Younger Boy I’ve felt disconnected lately and have been working on feeling that attachment to him again.

I’m not sure why. I think it might be a combination of being pregnant, them being gone, the looming reality that life is about to get even more chaotic, and me really enjoying some peace and quiet work days.

I guess that’s just the life of a stepmother though. I don’t care for them any less. I don’t love them any less. I don’t desire or wish the best for them any less. I also don’t loath them coming back. I’m just not missing their presence at the moment. It’s a sort of limbo … or perhaps it’s my way of trying to cope with the reality that more huge change is on the way.

I honestly look forward to a day when perhaps life will be a little more set and not so many new, big changes are happening all at once. I know change is unavoidable, but this is A LOT of BIG change happening all at the same time.

Monday, August 2, 2010

To Hope or Not Hope August Is Speedy

Dear August,

I’m rather torn about you. On one hand I would love if you went by slowly. You see, this week all three boys are at home. And it’s only Monday and I’m already going nuts.

But then next week all three boys will be off to Oregon and Southern California. And then the week after that we may or may not only have Younger Boy at home. (You know, if Jane actually gets her shit together and asks for the week off like she was supposed to do a month or two ago when we first decided on dates.) And then the week after that school starts!

Yet, I’m really miserable in the department of baby creating right now. I’ll be at 32 weeks sooner than later and am apparently the size of a hippo. People keep asking me if I’m sure I’m not having twins and last night was the first night that sleep just wasn’t happening. I don’t know if I’m up for a month and a half more of sleepless nights like this. Or perhaps this will actually be the last month of normal sleep I have before the little blossom arrives.

We’re also in the middle of moving…Which I am not a fan of … especially because I can’t do anything. But it is a bigger apartment and not only will Older Boy finally have his own room but I will once again have a washer and dryer in the unit.

So you see, I would love more than anything if you went by as quickly as July did, but at the same time something tells me that I really ought to cherish your presence. So please don’t be offended if one minute I hate you and the next I love you. If you need to point blame you can point it at the crazy preggo hormones.

Thank you for hearing me out.

Kind Regards,