We Got Married!

We endured much wedding preparation chaos but we overcame all. It even came down to the chaos of needing an extra $400 five hours before it was due, however with the help of my parents and getting FH’s taxes filed early we pulled it all off.

Our wedding day was a really joyous and amazing day! We made sure to include the boys were we could in the ceremony and the smiles on their faces and their excitement really paid off for it.

I wanted to share my wedding vows with you. I don’t normally cry and I didn’t think I would. In fact for the whole first part of my vows I was doing pretty well. Then I got to the part where I made promises to the boys and I looked over at them as I said their names. As soon as I said Older Boy’s name he got the biggest smile on his face and his eyes widened and he just glowed. And that did it. Tears swelled in my eyes and my heart just about stopped beating in happiness. I somehow choked out the rest of my vows but I did it.

Of all the boys I think I was worried most about being accepted by Older Boy since he’s the oldest of course. Although he’s the one who has been asking for months and months now when we’d be getting married he’s been saying little things that have made me feel welcomed both as a family member and a parent to him. For one he named me as his parent in an essay he wrote while on the other hand he named Jane’s guy as his stepdad. I’ve very much accepted that he has accepted me as a parental figure in his life. He also vocally gives me much credit for many things and that has made me feel even more welcomed.

Anyway, here are my wedding vows:

FH, I promise to love you, to hold you and to honor you, in good times and in bad, to enjoy you, to communicate with you always, and to console you when you need consoling. I will give thanks for you each and every day, and cherish you with all of my heart. And I promise to be a patient, loving mother to Older Boy, Middle Boy, and Younger Boy; caring for them and providing for them as my own. I promise to be their strength and their emotional support, loving them with all my heart forever.

We also did a family sand ceremony. I ended up going to a craft store and buying small vases, sea salt and coloring. I also got a glass etching kit and put the first letter of our first name on each of our vases. We also let the boys pick out the color they'd like. It came out really nice and all of the boys were really excited to be able to have a role in the wedding.

Here is a photo of the sand ceremony set up before the ceremony.

Here is a photo of afterward. And as an added bonus there’s my hand-made bouquet and our yummy cake.

I’m hoping now that things have been settling back down I’ll be able to post more frequently again.

Hello 2010

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous

I’ve had a hard time trying to find something to write about lately. First I was sick, and then things just started piling up. And here I am at almost 3 in the AM – and awake.

Some of you may remember that instead of resolutions I more find a mantra to follow for the year. Well, 2010 is a huge year for me and I’m already feeling it. The truth of where I’ve been is stressed out and panicking. I’m supposed to be getting married next month and I don’t know how we’re going to pay for the wedding. It’s a little hard to get all of the finishing touches going when you know you don’t have the money.

I’ve been trying to qualify for a loan. However, apparently I just don’t make enough money. I don’t make enough money at my job for the credit union to feel comfortable enough to loan me money. Basically, between college and having to be an adult and do things for myself and now having to be an instant parent and provide for children I have debt. And between what I make and the payments I’m supposed to be making (even though they’re counting things I don’t pay) I just about break even and so on their paperwork I don’t have any extra money to pay them back.

We’ve been scrambling. I’ve been scrambling to find a second job that I can handle and not completely overwhelm myself with. FH has been trying to find extra money from his paychecks to give me so I can try to pay off my debt. So please send a good thought my way that I’ve managed to pay off enough to qualify for a loan.

I called the wedding venue place that is basically the whole she-bang. They handle the ceremony, the reception, the cake, the dj, the catering, the set up, the clean up. They’re a great package. And we’ve got a great discount. But with three kids we pay for full time, and trying to pay off our debt we just haven’t been able to save up enough. Anyway, I called them to find out my options. And I got lectured about how maybe we shouldn’t have tried to plan something that we couldn’t afford.

Well, a year ago we totally thought we could save up the money. We really did. And I didn’t want to go get hitched for cheap in Reno or Tahoe or Vegas. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it’s just I wanted a nice little intimate wedding. I figured that since I was trading in my hopes and dreams of this dream life I wasn’t getting I could at least get my small intimate wedding … right?

So here I am. Awake because I’m stressed and am trying so hard to be positive that this is all going to pull through last minute. And I’m frustrated because I’ve come to the realization that I’ve kind of lost my way. Back to the top – I’ve been trying to find a mantra for this year. What is 2010 going to be for me?

At first I thought it was going to be the Year of Tranquil Transitions. I thought just maybe if I thought about how I was going to spend the year calmly and patiently going through these crazy new transitions that it would maybe just happen; except these first few weeks have been anything but tranquil. And the reality keeps hitting me of the new transitions I’m about to go through. All of this – wife, instant mother, daughter-in-law, etc. is about to all become official.

It’s a bit frightening when you’re finally looking it in the face. So I think that 2010 is going to be the Year of Recreating Myself. I say “recreate” because every time I think I’ve “found” myself something happens and I find myself having to “find” myself all over again.

So here’s the breakdown:

2006 – The Year To Take Risks
2007 – The Year To Take Smart Risks
2008 – The Year To Be Optimistic and Think Positively
2009 – The Year Of Being A Positive Influence
2010 – The Year of Recreating Myself

And some of the few things bringing me peace are the thoughts that I’m not the only one who has found herself in this position. I can only assume that hundreds of instant parents have had to recreate themselves too. And that I will get past these hurdles. I know deep down that I’m much stronger than I give myself credit for.

Now I have to remember to believe in it over just saying it to myself.

June 2009 Wrap Up

I thought I’d give you some updates on things that I’ve mentioned in past blog entries.

Re: She Left Him Out Again – The issue of Jane wanting the two older boys to spend quality time with and not Younger Boy.

So Jane has two weekends planned with the two older boys. We suggested the three weekends to let her know that we did have at least three weekends available in case she had changed her mind about Younger Boy. As predicted, she in fact hadn’t thought her original request through. She didn’t know if she could get that much time off. Luckily for her, I did the thinking and planning for her. She even decided that our suggested weekends would work out best. And she informed us that her man will be watching the boy over the weekend.

The only issue I have with this is that I honestly don’t see her spending any quality time with the child that is over on the Saturday and Sunday. She works at Noon both days and has demonstrated on numerous occasions that she enjoys staying up late the night before playing online computer games and enjoys sleeping in to the point that she doesn’t send the boys off with a goodbye or anything when we’ve picked them up. I do hope that her man takes this time though to possibly take the effort to get to know the boys since he’s going to have at least a day and a morning with each of them.

My main hope for these weekends is that she’ll take some time to spend with the two older boys and not spend it on her computer the entire time.

Re: Turning On Light Switches – My latest health issue of having dirty corneas.

So as of my last visit in to the optometrist my eyes have not cleared up. In fact they seem to have gotten worse. My vision has cleared up a lot but the condition of my corneas has not. I had to throw out all the drops I had and get preservative-free eye drops. That was a pain. I’m really hoping thought that this works because I’m not excited about getting any of the procedures that they explained to me done to my eyes.

Plugs in parts of my eye functions or surgery just don’t appeal to me nor does it appeal to my pocket book. So please send some good thoughts my way for my eyes to naturally clear up. And I’ll try my best to remember to put drops in my eyes every hour. Not the easiest thing to remember … especially when I’m busy working on a big project or out and about.

Re: Give Me That Tragedy – My wedding planning.

Well, I’ve done it. I’ve found THE DRESS. I didn’t think I’d find it. Especially with all the bling and lace on the wedding dresses I saw. And I’ll tell you what; I was just not impressed with the 20 lb dress the lady had me literally dive into to try on. Twenty pounds of fabric just isn’t ideal to dance in, much less carry around for at least 5 hours for a wedding ceremony and reception. My ankles just aren’t built for that. He he. And of course, I have a sneak peek for you all because I have much love.

Imagine this dress in Ivory (Because White just isn’t my thing. I blame sorority for that.)

Family Acceptance & Wedding Planning

I wanted to share some wedding planning since it’s been a while. Now, my family has always been about being unique. We don’t enjoy following what “everyone is supposed to do” and it’s not necessarily that we’re rule breakers or renegades, but we find pride in paving our own path. So I’ve been trying to see how I can make a twist with some family wedding traditions for my situation.

Wedding Tradition – The Unity Candle
Traditionally a Unity Candle symbolizes the joining of two families. But I really wanted to somehow include the boys in our ceremony. That’s when I stumbled upon the sand ceremony. It’s basically a large vase and instead of lighting candles the couple pours sand into it. And, I found a company that makes smaller vases so that children can also participate. I’m really excited about this because each of the boys can choose their own color sand to symbolize them, and take part in a special part of our ceremony.

My fiancé seemed really happy with this idea. He even suggested that we could get a China Hutch to put the vases on display. (I was rather impressed! Not only did he know what a China Hutch was, but he also wanted to put this special keepsake from our wedding on display without me having to suggest the idea in the first place!)

What I’m trying to figure out now is how to include our parents in it. With the Unity Candle the parents usually light the candles for their child (the bride and groom). But with the sand ceremony we would most likely already have the sand in the vases. I’ve considered spending a little extra money and getting our parents each their own vase to add sand as the base for our family. That way they can still participate, and they’ll each have a little keepsake from our wedding.

Wedding Tradition – Down the Aisle
So far, my mother has begun the tradition of having both of her parents escort her down the aisle. (I’ve actually seen this done at a couple of Hispanic weddings so I can’t really claim that it’s new.) Anyway, we’re doing it a bit different. In my bridal party are two of my best guy friends from the college days (both of whom my mother has dubbed as her sons). So the two of them will be escorting her down the aisle, meanwhile my father and my Grandma (my mom’s mom) will be escorting me.

My Grandma and Grandpa practically raised me. Both of my parents worked, so I spent a lot of time over at their house. My mom called me a couple of weeks ago to relay that my Grandmother had shared that her dream had always been that she and my Grandpa would be able to escort me down the aisle at my wedding (Which my mom found totally touching and appropriate). Sadly, my Grandfather succumbed to Alzheimer’s Disease and passed away from complications from it around my Sweet Sixteenth Birthday (wasn’t much of a Sweet Sixteen). But I am very excited to have my father and Grandma escort me down, and in my heart I know that my Grandfather will be there with us.

The thing though is that it’s a still a secret to my Grandma right now. She’s kind of at that age where she’s old, and rather extremely aware of her health (the woman has already taken care of costs for her casket and left directions for her funeral proceedings). So basically I’m going to surprise her with this dream-come-true a little later this year, probably for a Christmas surprise. She is already excited though because she’s already out shopping for the perfect dress to wear.

Family Acceptance
Getting engaged and moving in with the boys has really given me a whole new appreciation for my family. Not only have they been excited for me, but they have been oh so welcoming to my fiancé and the boys. We’ve been hanging out with my cousins and my parents quite a bit. (Which is pretty normal for my family members that life near each other.) In a family that’s been torn apart my stupid drama, us younger generations (my mother and down) have really embraced family ties and the importance of having your family close at heart.

Of course I received many looks of shock and disbelief from some members, but still at the end of the day (or once the shock has passed) most of them really have been happy for me and welcoming of the new family members. The boys have also been rather open to having quite a large family now (my family is huge, especially compared to what they are used to from my fiancé and Jane’s families). Middle Boy was so excited and he told my mom, “I have so many cousins now and I don’t know all their names!” She was pretty touched by that. She’s worked in child development for years and I think was really touched that he was so open to including our family as a part of his family now.