The last couple of days have been rather chaotic. Clearing through junk, packing, driving, moving…moving is not on my top 100 lists of things I like to do. But here I am.
I had my last day as a Website Editor at my company on Friday, packed up what I could and moved up to Northern California Sunday and here I am, Day 1 of my new life.
And there’s so much change that I have been trying to prepare for… and, well Bob Dylan sang it best … the times they are a-changin'.
Let me romanticize it for you a bit.
There I was standing at the edge of a cliff, in my black power suit and shiny heels…the independent, career-oriented girl staring out across the ocean of change below. And it appeared that happiness, love and happily ever after were on an island a couple of miles out. And the only way to get there was to jump and swim.
Behind me was comfort of a job and some good friends that I wouldn’t trade for the world, but happiness and love weren’t here. At least not the ones that I knew existed.
Being the risk taker I am, of course I jumped.
And here I am, freshly walking out of the ocean of change (still dripping with it), and panic settled in this morning around 5:30 a.m.
What the hell was I doing here? Could I really live with a boyfriend? Could I really live with the three boys? Could I really do my new job from home, care for this new family, keep my sanity and not royally mess it all up? When did this growing up happen anyway? There were so many “Can I really do this,” “What am I doing,” and “Are you crazy” phrases pouring through my head.
And then, the strong-willed fighter inside of me bitch-slapped the insecure doubtful scaredy-cat inside me and said, “Pull your self together woman!” And I got myself up out of bed, took a shower, made some pancakes for breakfast and brought the boys to school.
I’m sure that there are going to be many more times that I’ll go through a panic fit … because change is scary, especially when it’s something as big as this. But I know that I can do it. And as scary as it is, I'm already a lot happier being here with the boyfriend and the boys (and the cats).
Highlight of this morning: I was putting a fresh diaper on Younger Boy. And I’m staring at it, trying to figure out “How do I fasten this?” Then I realize – “Woman, the diaper is on backward!” How many diapers have I changed lately? Quite a few! What a way to start off Day 1.
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Change is always hard and usually scary. At work I am undergoing many new changes that I don't particularly like. However, I am going to challenge myself to make the best of it.
And as a stepmom, you will always deal with change. Good luck on your journey and continue writing.
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