Being A Role Model

Have you ever heard yourself saying something to your child and mid-sentence thought “Am I really saying this? OMG, I’m turning into my mother/father/grandmother” but had to continue saying it because the child is looking at you waiting to sink it all in? Well, I experienced this last night.

Middle Boy was pretty vocal about the fact that he didn’t like what we were having for dinner.

MB: “I don’t want it.”
Me: “You should be thankful that you have food. Some children don’t get to eat food every night for dinner….*insert pause as realization of what is coming out of my mouth and sideways glance at boyfriend who is wide-eyed and shoveling food into his mouth to keep from laughing*…because *insert another pause as I think of a good reason that is going to make sense to a 5-year-old because I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t understand any reason from my Non-Western world college course*… their families … can’t afford to buy food as often as we do.”

And then I sat there and took a drink from my cup, because the cup was big enough to hide the slight frown/grin/laugh that was forming on my lips.

I really couldn’t tell you who said that to me, but I know that it was some adult figure in my life. And as embarrassing as it was, I’m rather thankful for the role models I’ve had, because without them, I don’t know if I would have the strength to do what I do.

Some of them are role models of who I don’t want to be.

The overprotective ex-boyfriend’s mother who automatically didn’t like me because I (and the rest of the female population) just wasn’t good enough for her baby boy.

The mother who was so interested in spotless, clean perfection that her kids weren’t allowed to be kids and have fun – like playing in the dirt/sand because God Forbid you get your jeans all dusty.

There are the role models of who I do want to model myself after.

My mother is a role model of who I’d like to be. It helps that I did follow in her path of getting involved in child development. And trust me, I’ve already put in the “Mom, I have a kid issue question for you” regarding homework. Again, Middle Boy really didn’t want to read at home. So my mom came over and helped show all of us how reading can be fun to a kindergartner, and so far, we haven’t had an issue in reading since.

My mother has also always been the mother who helped push me to be independent and taught me to hold myself accountable. That my actions cause reactions and that other people may get their feelings hurt and to handle my friends with loving care and respect.

Not that she’s perfect, who is? I also have gathered that I’d like to have somewhat of a relationship with my boys. I want to know what is going on in their heads. I’d like them to feel comfortable talking to me about things and in asking me for help. (Something I still struggle with often with my own parents.)

There are also role models that have inspired me to take on the challenge of instant motherhood. Women that have given me hope that there is a light at the end of a very frightening path.

My Editor from my old job showed me that it’s possible to be a mother and have a full-time job in my chosen career. And although I’m no longer doing what I was doing, I am managing to be a stay-at-home mom and hold a full-time work from home job.

My other inspiration was my high school sweetheart’s mom (step mom). She also became an instant mom to three boys. It wasn’t easy, I could tell growing up. But those boys did respect her and care. And she did it. She’s still doing it, even with a fourth child that they had later on, and now a new grandson.

I’m very thankful for all of the role models I’ve had along the way. Also for the fact that I took all of it in and can reflect back on it. (Is that the mature growing up in me?)

And I want to make sure, that no matter what bad role models my boys (and any future possible children come along) have encountered, I want to make sure that I am a positive example of how a woman can be and what a woman can do…even if it’s taking quite a few for the team by not causing more drama or sounding like my mother now and then.