Thursday, March 5, 2009

I Need To Recharge

I've been meaning to blog for days now. I've sat down to do it, and then something happens. And I can’t catch up. It's not that I feel I'm experiencing a set back in life, I just literally feel like I can’t catch up because the job never ends. No matter how much I get done at work or how crappy of a day I’ve had at work, I’m never done working. By that I mean that I don’t get to come home from work and sit on the couch and get a few minutes because there is my other job as instant mom. There are no minutes to sit down, relax and try to catch my breath.

I need to recharge. I simply have not been able to fully recharge in the couple of kid-free hours I get alone to myself every Sunday (And that is if Jane doesn’t call to cancel.)

My fiancé is on vacation this week. I thought... I really thought that it would be helpful in giving me a break. But it’s not really. I don’t have to drop the kids off at school or pick them up. But I still have to do the other stuff I do every day. There are still crying fits, and yelling, and having to find things because the boys don’t thoroughly look hard enough when they’ve lost something, and there are drippy noses, and chattering, and constant reminding.

That last part has been the teetering of my patience lately. I think my patience is broken. Although I think it’s more the fact that I’m tired of saying things, repeating things, reminding of things multiple times. I don’t mind repeating myself a second time, and I’ll hold my tongue and remind a third time, but when it’s constantly reminding of things (we’re talking I’ve said it over and over and over again) it’s really starting to just frustrate me. We’ve constantly had to remind the older boys that “You need to put your toys/things/equipment away someplace that you can easily find it and so Younger Boy can’t get to it,” – it’s been about six months since I’ve been preaching that one.

And Younger Boy is in this phase…have I told you about this phase? We’ll he’s decided that he’s incapable of performing any actions without my permission or without me having told him the words to do so. This includes going to the bathroom, blowing his nose, turning the light off or on in a room and closing the door. We’re at the point where we are trying to ignore him until he does it himself…but that is a drain. An example, he stands there in the doorway to his room telling me “I have to go potty.” He says this about 10–15 times before he comes and stands next to me. “I have to go potty” another 10–15 times. Then a “I just have to go potty,” as he finally turns and walks to the bathroom sputtering a couple more “I just have to go potty” phrases. Right now he’s sitting in the doorway to his room saying, “The lights off.” He’s only said it about five times…but this expression of ‘I’m helpless and can’t do anything without you” is driving me up the wall. Especially because he was doing all of this just fine about a month ago, without asking me permission/needing my verbal OK on it. This phase came out of no where … WTF?!?

That’s motherhood, right? They go through phases? They’ll get it eventually, right? Because I’m so exhausted…I’m so exhausted of having to find everything, all the time. I’m so exhausted of having to remind them of everything, all the time. I’m so exhausted of hearing the same phrase uttered 20 times when he knows, and has been told he doesn’t need my permission. I feel like a broken record. And really, I’m not bitter, I’m not furious, I’m not about to leave. But I’m just so frustrated that it’s seems like they’re not listening and understanding. It’s the whole “in one ear and out the other” deal.

Where was I? I need to recharge. But I don’t know how to recharge in my new lifestyle. I’ve been trying all kinds of things, trust me. None of them really work, because at some point in the month I always seem to end up back here. Or maybe that’s just the new deal I signed up for. I’m not necessarily experiencing a feeling of hopelessness, but more a feeling of being pushed to the limit and oh, so exhausted. There has to be some sort of balance, right?

How do you recharge with kids in the house? I’m beginning to understand that being a stepmother is not only the most challenging thing I’ve ever taken on, but that I’m having to re-invent myself (again) to a lifestyle that I not only jumped into headfirst, but am learning as I go along. Not that any parent really understands what they’re getting into when they have kids, but it’s kind of rough when you’re the new parent to kids that have been around a couple of years…and you feel like you ought to already know more than you think you do. Or maybe I’m just not giving myself enough credit. I’m guilty of that often because I always think that there’s someway to better myself. The learning process is never over in my mind.

I enforce my positive thinking daily, and look for happy little moments. That’s what gets me through the day. Because what I've learned is that life happens, no matter what. And you need to find something that is going to help you get through it.

7 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hang in there sister! Yes, it is a phase. You will go often feeling like you're running at "1/2 power" Then one day you look in one of the boys rooms and realize that everything is put away. And at the end of a day you'll realize not once have you heard "the light's off" and suddenly you're recharged. For me it seems to be my "1/2 power" spells are getting longer right now too...but everything comes full circle.

Smirking Cat said...

One thing that has worked wonders at our house is making the kids ask before they take a toy out. It got so out of hand, yanking out toy after toy without putting anything away, so finally we decided no more. They have to ask to get something out, and whatever they had out before has to be cleaned up before they get something else. It's helped a lot with them being aware of needing to keep the house clean, not just toys.

I'm not in the same situation because we only have the kids every other weekend. When they are with us, I like to get up early to have time to myself before they wake up. Plus they look so sweet sleeping, before they are awake and talking, ha ha.

Mrs M said...

Crys - I could have written that very post a few years ago honey, so I'm right there with you. It does get easier, the kids will learn to put things away, have a little independence etc. I would guess that Yongest boy is seeking attention and testing boundaries (perfectly normal at his age) I would ignore the constant repeats and when he finally does what he is seeking permission for I would go over the top with positive reinforcements 'Wow youngest boy, you did that all by yourself. You are so fantastic. Do you think you could.....'

I've found a good Californian white wine excellent for dealing with such challenges!

Morocco said...

Ah, this is my life as a teacher! Take heart, nothing last for long--good things or bad!

Anonymous said...

I am a stepmom, but I didn't have to become an "instant mom." I already had kids of my own before I became a stepmom. Your situation must be so tough at times.

Make sure you "notice" when the kids do something right. For example, "Hey, I noticed that you put your shoes away. Thanks." Or "I noticed that you threw your wrapper in the garbage." When you notice the good things the kids will want to repeat them.

Good luck with it all!

Yo said...

these are boys. you have three of them. these are phases. there will be more of them.

boys! they're fun. you get to throw them around and wrestle with them.

but you need to find time for yourself. if you don't have time for yourself, it's going to start showing. can you get a babysitter for an hour or two a week? like a random wednesday, go grab a cup of coffee and read a book. go out for drinks.

you need to take care of you. work with fiance to carve out some time for just you.

oh, and ps...if i was there when youngest boy was asking for everything 30 times, i would have giggled into my glass of wine.

Minnie said...

I think everything you're feeling is completly normal.

Truthfully, I also think that your ability to recognize that you need a break or a recharge is healthy and responsible.

I hate that you're having a tought time, but in my experience it does get easier, really.