Video Game Junkies

I mentioned a while ago that before I came into their lives all four of my boys (including FH) were ruled by video games. There were Nintendo DSs, a Wii, a Playstation 2, a regular old school Nintendo … I’m pretty sure that’s it.

I’ve worked pretty hard to try and encourage more playtime, outside playtime, creative playtime, reading and anything that doesn’t involve the TV or video games. It makes me sad sometimes, and a bit astounded, how easily a TV turned on can suck the boys in. I’ve noticed it’s mainly Older Boy and Middle Boy though. Younger Boy isn’t as easily pulled into a turned on TV as his older brothers are. I like to think that my influence has something to do with it.

It won’t even be anything intriguing. It could be a commercial or one of Younger Boy’s little kid shows. If the TV is on I can guarantee that Older Boy or Middle Boy will stop whatever it is their doing and will be staring at it, mouth slightly open, and all thoughts of whatever it was they were supposed to be doing are gone.

Back on topic, I’m fully aware that when the boys go over to Jane’s all they do is watch TV and play video games until all hours of the night. That’s why every time we pick them up they're exhausted and falling asleep. Any overnight adventure at Jane’s will surely result in a long nap the next day. It’s irritating, but what can you do?

FH told me that he had a conversation today with Older Boy.

The jist of it was that FH told Older Boy that he doesn’t mind that he plays video games over there since he doesn’t get a lot of time to play over here. (My sidethought is that I don’t mind the fact that they want to play video games. It’s just I wish they’d learn some self control when it comes to playing them.) Anyway, Older Boy told FH that he’s getting bored playing them because he’s played them so much. It’s a step forward, right? At least until Jane brings home a new video game for them?

Maybe next time they go over I’ll suggest to Older Boy to maybe bring a book and his drawing pad. In case he wants to read or draw.

I Have No Sympathy For Her

So I couldn’t find the post about how after the bullshit that Jane pulled this past Christmas we drafted up a Holiday Schedule (since one hadn’t been established at the time of their divorce.) But if some of you remember we did. And in that both FH and Jane signed off that the boys would spend two weeks with Jane during the summer at some point.

Being the organized person I am I looked through the boys’ summer schedule and made a list of weeks that would work for them. Due to the various summer camps there is only one week that all three of them are available. However, due to the fact that Jane and her man only have one car that fits 5 people and that they’re already taking up 3 of those chairs it would be easier to send 2 of the boys over anyway.

Some of you may remember how last summer Jane left Younger Boy out and only wanted the two older boys over. Well, in my planning I made sure to detail which of the boys were available and when to try and prevent that from happening again.

FH brought the list over and Jane mentioned that two of the weeks seemed appealing to her. One week she would have Younger Boy and Older Boy near the beginning of summer and then one week she would have Middle Boy at the end of summer. This was apparently all pending on her man’s possible new work schedule.

FH reported to me that Jane hadn’t quite answered our question of what weeks she would be taking the boys because her man would be going back to school (Good for him I guess) and would be working Wednesday through Sunday. Which would leave Monday and Tuesday open (if she has the days off from work.)

A bit flustered I asked FH what that meant and he replied that he didn’t know because Jane was playing the “Poor me I have to pay bills and stuff now” card. Except, I didn’t care about her new responsibilities that as an adult and a mother she ought to be partaking in anyway and I wanted to know what days she’ll be taking the boys for their summer days with her.

One thing that still irks me the most is feeling that I can’t make any plans for myself or my family because she’s not responsible enough to ask for time off to spend with her children. If I thought it would help matters I’d ask her myself so that she couldn’t give any of her “beat around the bush” reasons that FH tends to just take from her. But I know better thus I will allow FH to be the one to get the information.

And because I don’t care anymore I’m pretty set on just blocking out those two weeks she said appealed most to her and planning around them. That way if she at least takes them for the Sunday evening through Tuesday evening they’ll already be blocked out.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all about the boys spending time with their mother. In fact, if it hadn’t been for my pushing she probably wouldn’t be seeing them the once a week for 2 hours as long as she doesn’t cancel as it is. But with a baby on the way, a new part-time business, my own family to look out for and care for, and summer plans to be made I have no sympathy for the woman who doesn’t put effort into trying to see her kids unless we literally call her up and tell her she needs to take them for “this weekend” or “that weekend.” We gave her multiple weeks through out the summer. She’ll just have to pick which ones she wants us to block off and we’ll go from there.

Besides, the boys themselves have a list of all kinds of things they too would like to do this summer. Including spending time with friends and visiting with other relatives. It's not like I can tell them "Oh sorry honey, you can't make any plans until your mother figures it out."

New Candle Lady In Town

Some of you may remember that one of our biggest issues in being a family of five is financially related. Jane doesn’t pay us anything when it comes to the care of the children. She’s not required to based off of their divorce papers.

This is one of the frustrating things for me. I am THE caretaker and provider of the children (in addition to FH of course) yet I just don’t have those legal rights. I’ve learned not to dwell on it because it only further pisses me off when she pulls one of her demand tantrums. Luckily they’re rare and few in a year.

Last year FH tried to pick up a second job, but the hours and the pay just weren’t worth it. And I was going absolutely stir crazy being home with the boys all day during the weekend. In January and February I tried looking for a part-time serving job. I waitressed myself through college and made some pretty decent money. However, when I discovered I was pregnant I knew that waitressing was not in my future.

Enter Partylite Candles. I had hosted a party last year and I had kept in touch with the consultant. My sister in law ended up hosting a party last month and that was when I decided that I ought to try being a candle lady. That and I didn’t have to put any money down on the table to start off so that was a big plus in my book.

So for the last two weeks I’ve been working furiously to get parties scheduled, my personal website up, and take care of my family. All the while making sure I’m taking care of me and our little lady in waiting.

I’m really excited, mainly because I’m hoping this will give me a chance to get out of the house more often. Ever since I started working full time from home I’ve become a sort of hermit. I love work, and when work is in my house I just don’t leave it as often. And I’m hoping that we’ll be able to use the extra income to save up to put a down payment on a house. Because this little two bedroom apartment just isn’t going to hold all six of us for too much longer once the baby is born.

So wish me luck! If you would like to check out the website feel free to contact me (there is an e-mail link on my profile). And now that I’m more settled in I hope to be on more often. 2010 has definitely been a hectic year so far, but I have faith that I’ll get a better grip on it all eventually.

Toilet Bowl Water Games

I don’t know what caused it or influenced it or even brought forth the idea of it. Yesterday afternoon I walked into the kitchen to refill my water bottle when I glanced into the bathroom. And there in front of the toilet bowl stood Younger Boy. His pants partially pulled up, Thomas underwear sticking out, his right arm furiously swirling around inside the toilet bowl water.

Yet this wasn’t what horrified and disgusted me. I interrupted his water play with an “Excuse me?!? What are you doing?!?” He immediately withdrew his hand from the water in the toilet bowl, walked over to the towel that we all use to dry our hands after we wash them, and dried his hands.

That made me a bit sick to my stomach as I considered that maybe this wasn’t the first time the child has stuck his hands in the filthy toilet bowl water and dried them on the same towel the rest of us use. I then chose to believe that this was indeed the first offense.

Younger Boy was then instructed to wash his hands, with soap, a lot of soap. Twice.

I grabbed a paper towel and moved the toilet bowl watered towel to the dirty clothes basket and replaced it with another towel. I have since added an extra towel on the back of the door for my own personal sanity and health.

I then sent Younger Boy off for his nap and grabbed the Lysol can and sprayed anything and everything that one might touch with toilet bowl watered hands.

At dinner last night Younger Boy and I had a conversation.

Me: Younger Boy, should we put our hands in the toilet?
YB: No.
Me: What do we use a toilet for?
YB: To go pee.
Me: And?
YB: And to go poop.
Me: Do we play in the toilet?
YB: No.
Me: Do we put our hands in the toilet?
YB: No.

I’m going to hope that this was the first and last time Younger Boy will participate in the Toilet Bowl Water Games.

Kind of Irked Me

I’m aware that when people say things to me they’re sometimes trying to be encouraging or positive. However, sometimes when people say things to me it really just irks me. I’ve learned to try and view it with a “Don’t take it personal” attitude. It’s not even that I’m all that sensitive, especially as I’m probably the one who generally is offending to others who are used to my blunt and honest disposition on things.

Ever since we found out that I was pregnant there have been little things said to me in terms of “Now you finally get to be a mother.”

Now, I’m aware that I’ve yet to experience childbirth or a baby of my own. I’m fully aware that there is something missing between myself and the boys since I am not their birth mother. However, since moving in I promise I have not totally been denied the experience of being a mother.

It’s mainly my mother-in-law and some other family members who have said such things. It always catches me off guard and I have to really bite my tongue with the response I want to sling out.

For example, a month or two ago my mother-in-law told me that I’ll finally get to celebrate my first real Mother’s Day. It really irked me. I’m aware she meant it as a mother who has given birth to a child of my own. However, I’ve celebrated a real Mother’s Day. I got the homemade card that was made at school and I swallowed the tears and joy that came with it. I’ve had the opportunity of being able to help see a child excel and grow both physically and intellectually. It’s amazing…that joy and pride you feel when you see a child growing and you know you had something to do with that.

It’s just become kind of obvious to me that now that I’m pregnant with a child that some people have this view that now I’m a real mother. Thank goodness for people like my own mother and sister who realize that I was already a mother before I got pregnant. Not that I need anyone else to validate my worth as a stepmother to the boys, but it’s nice to be recognized. It’s also nice to have family members that treat your new family as if they’ve always been there and not like a stranger still feeling their ways around the formalities.

As I mentioned, I’ve taken to the attitude to not take it personally and to just go with the flow. But I guess it’s just one of those things that stepmoms get to deal with.

It kind of goes with the frustration of wanting to scream out “You try diving in to an already made family, learning to spend all of your paycheck, time and effort on three kids that aren’t yours and you tell me how sane and appreciated you feel!” Maybe I can put that on a giant wine goblet for those rough days.

Baby Update: Going on 19 weeks on Wednesday. Everything in the ultrasound looked good. Good heart beat, all four heart chambers developed, all the good stuff. Now that we know it’s a girl we’re all really excited. My aunt had already started buying girl stuff before we found out so we informed her that she could be at ease that she was right.

Sugar and Spice

And Everything Nice.

It's a GIRL!!!!

The Three Faces of Younger Boy

Younger Boy is now 4 years old. For most of you who have followed me from the beginning you know that Younger Boy and I have come a long way together from being the ripe age of 2-years-old-in-diapers to the 4-year-old-potty-trained-letter-loving kid he is now. One thing that I’ve always found frustrating is his behavior when he’s with me, or FH and the boys, or when he’s coming home from being with Jane. It drives me absolutely batty.

Face One – Me and Him

When it’s just me and him he’s this active, happy, calm, fun-loving kiddo. He listens, he has amazing manners, and he’s adventurous and enjoys trying something new – or at least is willing to try something new.

Face Two – When Dad and the Brothers Come Home

He kind of turns into a big mean butt-head. He finds the need to defend himself against Middle Boy, whether or not Middle Boy is antagonizing him. He starts doing things he known he’s not supposed to do (probably because Older Boy seems to think that if he’s doing something with Younger Boy it will be OK even though it never seems to be.) He gets cranky and rude more often. He may or may not be willing to try something new.

Face Three – Coming Home from being with Jane and Jolie

He’s a baby. He can’t do anything himself. He has no manners whatsoever. He doesn’t want to do anything. He gets whiney and starts sniffling and crying at everything.

I bring this up because I really really hoped that as he got closer to being 5-years-old and wanting to start Kindergarten he would perhaps leave some of this negative behavior behind. However, I’m now seeing the light of day. As long as Jane and Jolie baby him and treat him like a baby instead of a big boy he’s going to revert back to the behaviors of his 2-year-old days.

I guess this is me hoping that eventually as he gets even older he’ll at least start to realize that bringing that behavior back home with him isn’t going to fly. Middle Boy learned that last year. He was in the middle of saying something rather not OK and he looked at the look on my face (the raised eyebrow) and realized who he was talking to. This was followed by the “Oh shit that’s not going to work on Crys” look on his face and from then on he left that version of himself at Jane’s. One can always hope, right? All I know is that consistency in my behavior works. So I’m not giving up all hope.

Baby Update: Today I’m at 17 weeks. My mom took me out shopping for some maternity clothes because my clothes just weren’t fitting anymore. The problem is that we bought some of them a size bigger than I needed in anticipation of how big I will grow. But, it’s nice to at least be able to fit inside of a pair of pants, even if I’m tugging on them now and then compared to not being able to squeeze into them.