When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous
I’ve had a hard time trying to find something to write about lately. First I was sick, and then things just started piling up. And here I am at almost 3 in the AM – and awake.
Some of you may remember that instead of resolutions I more find a mantra to follow for the year. Well, 2010 is a huge year for me and I’m already feeling it. The truth of where I’ve been is stressed out and panicking. I’m supposed to be getting married next month and I don’t know how we’re going to pay for the wedding. It’s a little hard to get all of the finishing touches going when you know you don’t have the money.
I’ve been trying to qualify for a loan. However, apparently I just don’t make enough money. I don’t make enough money at my job for the credit union to feel comfortable enough to loan me money. Basically, between college and having to be an adult and do things for myself and now having to be an instant parent and provide for children I have debt. And between what I make and the payments I’m supposed to be making (even though they’re counting things I don’t pay) I just about break even and so on their paperwork I don’t have any extra money to pay them back.
We’ve been scrambling. I’ve been scrambling to find a second job that I can handle and not completely overwhelm myself with. FH has been trying to find extra money from his paychecks to give me so I can try to pay off my debt. So please send a good thought my way that I’ve managed to pay off enough to qualify for a loan.
I called the wedding venue place that is basically the whole she-bang. They handle the ceremony, the reception, the cake, the dj, the catering, the set up, the clean up. They’re a great package. And we’ve got a great discount. But with three kids we pay for full time, and trying to pay off our debt we just haven’t been able to save up enough. Anyway, I called them to find out my options. And I got lectured about how maybe we shouldn’t have tried to plan something that we couldn’t afford.
Well, a year ago we totally thought we could save up the money. We really did. And I didn’t want to go get hitched for cheap in Reno or Tahoe or Vegas. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it’s just I wanted a nice little intimate wedding. I figured that since I was trading in my hopes and dreams of this dream life I wasn’t getting I could at least get my small intimate wedding … right?
So here I am. Awake because I’m stressed and am trying so hard to be positive that this is all going to pull through last minute. And I’m frustrated because I’ve come to the realization that I’ve kind of lost my way. Back to the top – I’ve been trying to find a mantra for this year. What is 2010 going to be for me?
At first I thought it was going to be the Year of Tranquil Transitions. I thought just maybe if I thought about how I was going to spend the year calmly and patiently going through these crazy new transitions that it would maybe just happen; except these first few weeks have been anything but tranquil. And the reality keeps hitting me of the new transitions I’m about to go through. All of this – wife, instant mother, daughter-in-law, etc. is about to all become official.
It’s a bit frightening when you’re finally looking it in the face. So I think that 2010 is going to be the Year of Recreating Myself. I say “recreate” because every time I think I’ve “found” myself something happens and I find myself having to “find” myself all over again.
So here’s the breakdown:
2006 – The Year To Take Risks
2007 – The Year To Take Smart Risks
2008 – The Year To Be Optimistic and Think Positively
2009 – The Year Of Being A Positive Influence
2010 – The Year of Recreating Myself
And some of the few things bringing me peace are the thoughts that I’m not the only one who has found herself in this position. I can only assume that hundreds of instant parents have had to recreate themselves too. And that I will get past these hurdles. I know deep down that I’m much stronger than I give myself credit for.
Now I have to remember to believe in it over just saying it to myself.
10 comments:
I can so relate to this. Although this was my second marriage, I never had a wedding the first time just got married in front of a judge so I wanted to have something special the second time. However, once again it didn't turn out that way. I didn't get everything I wanted and I was bummed out but when it actually happened, it turned out that all that wasn't as important as I thought it was. I think we spent about $500 for everything - dress, his stuff, the girls dresses, flowers, the rings and although it wasn't how I had dreamed it was still beautiful - the pictures I have of it are awesome so don't get down, it WILL turn out okay. Hugs!
A wedding isn't worth going into debt. You'll need the cashflow for other things later...important stuff like cars and doctors and air conditioning. I know it's a disappointment for you now, but try to remember that the best things in life are free. Love, honor, trust, devotion. That's what matters. You don't need a princess gown and la-dee-dah ceremony to declare your committment. Keep it simple and don't stress yourself out. Hang in there!
I agree with Sharon, it is not worth going into debt over. The important thing is to be around family and friends and to celebrate.
You could try getting a job at a grocery store, or someplace you shop frequently. Not only will it help increase your cash flow, but you normally get employee discounts, which will help with the grocery bill.
Sending you an email. . .
My wedding is next month too and I'm having the same issues. I know what you're going through! Think about what's really important to you on your big day.
When I was a kid, the motto in our very cash-strapped family was "Something will turn up".
I really, really hope that something turns up for you that will let you have the wedding that you want without extra financial strain.
Fingers crossed for you!
I didn't realize you were getting married in a month, lady! This year is going to be amazing for you and the commitment your going to make is going to be blessed. You are already such a trooper, I can only imagine what great things are going to come for you in your year of re-creation.
I hope things work out and you get a wonderful wedding
How about the year of Creating yourself. Humans are supremely creative, I don't think you have to Re create yourself, you are doing great who you are. Just make yourself who you want to be each day.
I love it:)
Are there family or friends that could make the cake, or some of the wedding goodies? Do you know someone who could help with the flowers? If I had to throw a wedding today I would have the cake, flowers, and some of the decorating done for free or at a steep discount simply because I "know" people. Look around, maybe there are people who can help you out. Good luck with all of it!
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