Thank you everyone for your encouragement and understanding. I think a lot of it was a ton of built up stress, and the fact pointed out that FH and I really need to try to get some time to ourselves to work on our relationship. If we don’t take care of us then there is a greater chance it just won’t work out. Right?
I very much needed to get the feelings out, and then sleep on it. I felt a bit better this morning, although I’m still stressed.
Another part of it is just stress from wedding planning. I never dreamed I’d be paying for my own wedding, at least I always figured I’d have some financial help. But in the current economy both our parents are strapped for cash as well. I also never counted on having to pay for three kids that weren’t mine. Considering FH and I are the only ones providing for them, that down right frustrates me when I’m no longer able to treat myself to my once a month splurge.
I finally allowed myself to order coffee from a coffee shop as my treat for the month because it had been about two months since I had done so.
Another stressor is that FH got a second job on the weekends, which leaves me and the boys home all weekend together. It’s not that I don’t like hanging out with just me and the boys, but it was a very long weekend without him there. Especially since on Saturday I wasn’t sure of when he’d be home and it was a very long waiting day. And then on Sunday the boys decided it would be the day to not listen, bother each other without mercy, and to totally act up to the point that I was pulling my hair out.
A big part of me wishes that I had been the one to pick up a second job just for the sanity of getting out of the house and conversing with others. But another part of me thinks a second job would not be mentally sound for me right now. I’ve always been the super do it all woman, but lately I’m just exhausted with all the current stress factors.
I also just don’t know who to turn to sometimes. It’s bad enough I’ve never had an easy time reaching out. But when it comes to feeling frustrated about the situation it’s not easy to talk to just anyone about it. I feel like if I don’t get it out then I’m going to bottle it up. And yet on the second hand I need to work on not getting so frustrated with it. Jane’s not going to change and this is most likely how life will continue to be.
BTW, thank you for the idea of swapping babysitting nights. I know I have other people out there who are always willing and have told me to let them know if we would like a night off. I think in the madness of wedding planning events the last two and half weeks and feeling pinched because we just don’t have any money to spare this week (it’s the week in the month where I pay all my big bills and FH doesn’t have any money left over either) I’m just feeling like I’ve dug myself into a big hole and I can’t figure out how to get out.
I find that even though I’ve been doing this for a year there are still a lot of things I’m having to adjust and adapt too when it comes to having children in your life. I assume this is something almost every parent feels as their child grows and becomes a different person. Throwing sass one day and hugs the next. I also assume that the fact that I’m raising someone else’s children with no previous experience of my own is another punch being thrown at me.
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10 comments:
I know things are difficult, and being financially strapped makes it even harder. Take a deep breath, things will get better. It's hard in the begining, and it takes time to coe to terms with things, figure out what you need, and what works best for your family. And you're welcome :-)
Hey, relieving stress is what blogging is for. Don't be afraid to use it as your outlet.
Sorry to hear about FH's 2nd job. Maybe you can recruit kids to help you with chores! Or take them out for a long walk or bike ride, tire them out.
I can't imagine planning a wedding under all the additional stress. I guess that's why we chose the courthouse wedding. It was the easiest, cheapest way at the time. I think my parents were disappointed, but I've never regretted it. If I had it to do over again, I'd get married in Las Vegas instead :)
I think you're absolutely correct in all of your assessments.
Raising someone else's children i.e. stepchildren is actually more difficult than raising your own biological children, and then there's the fact they don't start out all newborn with both of you learning. They usually arrive already morphed into kidlets with personality to spare, and it's up to you to figure them out. It can be tough.
It sounds as if you're dealing with it all very, very well honestly. You have a good mindset.
This is your outlet.
I also can relate 100%
I went from being a single career girl who nearly lived out of a suitecase for business and pleasure to parenting two kids, two dogs and a husband.
Screw the coffee, splurge on the wine.
All kidding aside, hang in there, Love.
You're doing great! Sorry I don't have more to offer you than tons and tons of encouragement. (That and remember you can always call and vent too!)
I'm with Minnie- Wine is your friend.
Just kidding. Sorry to hear about FH's 2nd job. I'm sure it makes for a long weekend.
Try to treat yourself to something special, even if its just 10 minutes of a good book. You deserve it.
Finding a release for you is crucial. Definitely talk to your fiance about all of these things. Keep blogging. Keep finding new ways to let some stress out.
You are right, you are not alone. When I desperately need time to myself, my boyfriend steps up so I can hang back and take care of myself for a while. It's amazing how much more my head is in the game when I can get a break here and there.
After reading both of your previous posts, I really feel for you. Does your fiancee know how you are feeling? It might do wonders to open up to him. If he can watch the kids periodically to allow you a break have him do that. It will do wonders for your outlook. Also, you two DO need to have REGULAR alone time. Even if it is a quick walk around the block, sipping hot cocoa and talking before bed, or listening to "your" song in the car, make time for each other, or the relationship is going to sour.
Good luck with all of it!
Hey, sorry I'm behind on your post, and I'm sorry you've been feeling overwhelmed lately. This weekend should be great for a bit of rejuvenation - keep channeling that energy throughout the rest of the month. (Not to sound all hippie, or anything.)
If it helps, I think what you are doing is admirable. You are an amazing, strong women. :)
It IS such a huge thing to deal with all the regular stress of life and relationships, and then throw in someone else's kids that take tons of attention. It's a little bit insane!
I think we, our society, often underestimate how much support parents need, and how much more support step-parents need. I hope you are finding support here in bloggyland, and in "real" life too. Even though it's hard- reach out! I'd love to listen or chat over email if you ever need to. We stepmama's must stick together:)
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