Teaching The Art Of Standing Up

I’d noticed some small mystery puddles here and there earlier this last week. But by Friday they escalated into huge ponds … and it was when Middle Boy squealed “He’s peeing on the stool” that I figured it out. If I hadn’t witnessed it with my own two eyes I would not have believed it. There he was, Younger Boy, sitting propped up with his hands on the toilet seat. That little booger had somehow maneuvered enough and aimed so that a stream of urine was sailing out underneath the toilet seat lid and above the top of the toilet bowl rim. Oh, and it sailed straight onto his stool and created a boy-made lake at the base of the toilet.

He thought it was the coolest thing ever. And if it were not for the look of sheer joy and amusement on his face, I probably would have written it off as a freak accident. But after it occurred two more times, and my fiancé and I had Clorox and wiped the floor and toilet bowl I was pretty done with it (Especially after I caught Nasty Cat sniffing around the toilet bowl).

Can I just say that I thought of all of you wonderful ladies as I sat there scrubbing the floor and the toilet bowl? As mentioned in another post, I remember being told, “Get ready to scrub.” But no one told me that the boy could manage to produce a geyser of urine in between the toilet seat and bowl, and only get a couple of drops into the bowl. (I think I was starting to write this very entry as I scrubbed and disinfected.)

Anyway, I declared to my fiancé that it was time to teach Younger Boy to stand up while urinating. I busted out the Cheerios and started the lesson on Friday. My fiancé was home from work so I had him show Younger Boy the ropes. Older Boy even helped out by doing a demonstration. That was great:

Me: Do either of you have to urinate? *looking at Older and Middle Boy*
MB: Nope
OB: *Has a look of curiosity on his face*
Me: I need one of you to show Younger Boy how to go to the bathroom standing up. It might help him to have one of you show him since he likes to copy everything you do.
OB: I’ll do it.
Me: Thank you. That’s a big help.

And oh, it was a big help. It, however, was going to take a little bit more demonstration and help from those in the house that have penises, because really, it’s easier to show a three-year-old boy than to try and explain the dynamics of it. I’ve amused my fiancé and his friends quite a bit this weekend. Let me share:

Example One of me trying to help Younger Boy out
He was holding it wrong. In fact, if he actually had gone he would have efficiently peed into his cupped hand. I tried to show him and maneuver his hand and fingers so that he wouldn’t be directly peeing into his hand. That’s when he decided that my help would be good enough and he dropped his hand away, leaving me holding it for him. And it was really kind of awkward.

Me: No, you hold it. That’s not my job.

Example Two of me trying to help
Again, he was holding it wrong. In fact, the angle and direction that he was pulling it reminded me of Stretch Armstrong. I didn’t know if he actually could urinate with it pulled and twisted as it was, but if he did he would have shot it right into the cats’ litter box. That just wasn’t on my list of things I wanted to completely clean out that night. And I tried so hard to explain to him:

Me: No, don’t pull on it. Just hold it with your fingers.
YB: *Pinches it in his fingers and pulls even harder*
Me: No, don’t try to rip it off
*Frustrated I walk out into the living room where my fiancé and his friends were hanging out*
Me: YOU have a penis! You go show him how to hold it!
FH’s Friend: You are talking to FH, right?
Me: Well, yeah.
FH’s Friend: OK, just making sure, because the rest of us have those too.

So Younger Boy is successfully standing up now without being reminded. We’ve even scrapped the Cheerios in the bowl after the first day. It takes him a bit longer to get over his stage fright and I’ve already asked his older brothers and my fiancé to PLEASE show him how it’s done so that he can see that it’s quite OK to go standing up. And I DO expect to be scrubbing for a bit longer, but I’m quite OK with it if that means that I’ll not have to clean up the Younger Boy-made lakes every day.