Feeling Pretty Guilty

I’ve been feeling pretty guilty the last couple of days. The boys are all at Jane’s right now. My fiancé dropped them off on Friday and will pick them up again Wednesday late afternoon. The apartment is pretty quiet. The cats are pretty calm, in fact, they look so bored sometimes because they’re not running away from children that I don’t think they know just quite what to do. I haven’t had to sit down and remind Younger Boy, “You chew your food, and swallow your food before you shove more food in your mouth.” Hell, I didn’t even have to make lunches, try to find something to keep Middle Boy busy so that he wouldn’t talk my ear off or search for Older Boy’s ever missing belt.

And I really feel kind of pretty guilty because I’ve really kind of been enjoying it. It's like a whole new type of self-imposed ickyness that I'm dealing with.

Now don’t get me wrong, I miss those little stinkers like crazy. But it’s just kind of nice to have a break from being an instant mom. It’s rather nice to be able sit and work without having a little voice talking to me from across the room. It’s kind of nice that I can make dinner, whatever I want without having to figure out how to make it kid-friendly, and that we can eat dinner without any fits or sighs or pouting.

I especially felt like a major bitch this morning when my fiancé mentioned how he’s starting to miss taking care of them. And frankly, as much as I miss them, I’m not feeling that need to take care of anyone just yet, although, I did feel the need to make my future hubby a lunch so that he would have something to eat on his route today.

It’s only been a couple of months and this is truly the longest that we’ve had to ourselves. And it’s kind of nice.

And I know that the minute they come running in to give me a hug I’ll get hit with that wave of “I missed you so much and I’m so glad you’re home” which will promptly be followed by some wave of frustrated anger when one of the boys forgets where he’s at and starts to throw a fit, or scream instead of use his words, or some other nonsense ridiculous tactic they use on Jane to get their way. And then I’ll be ever so glad that their home and excited for them to open their stockings and gifts.

But for right now, it’s really kind of nice, and damn do I ever feel like a bad person for enjoying a little room to breath.