So I Wrinkled My Nose

Remember the great lengths Jane went to with the lies and manipulation attempts to make sure the boys were with her for Christmas (all day) for her aunt who has leukemia but has currently been in remission for the past year?

Well, we asked her which days she would like the boys over their winter break. You know, since they’re not in school for two weeks. She didn’t want them any extra days outside of her once-a-week day with them.

So despite the fact that the boys are available for days of overnight visiting – they’re going to see her 7pm Sunday night until 8pm Monday night both weeks of their winter break … with the exception of Christmas Eve evening to the morning of that following Saturday.

I guess all day Christmas Day kind of evens it out. But I’m not going to lie. My irritation this time has some selfish fueling in wanting to have some quiet work days without three children doing the children things they do. Trust me when I say it’s much easier to do my job when there isn’t fighting and arguing and crying occurring. But, considering I survived summer vacation I guess I can make it through winter break especially since they’re both short work weeks.

When FH told me she didn’t want any extra days with them I could have gotten all angry and frustrated. But no, I merely wrinkled my nose in slight disgust. I touched upon how interesting it was that she was all hot heated because she wasn’t getting her 40% of the time and here she was not even trying to get them any of the extra days when there wasn’t someone else benefiting from the boys presence (her aunt for Christmas and her son for the birthday party) and dismissed it with a “Whatever. Her loss.”

That’s big progress on my end on keeping my anger and frustration under control ... in my opinion.

I hope you all have a fun and happy holiday season with your families!

Getting Back to the Basics of Learning

As some of you may remember, I’ve decided to work with Younger Boy on learning some preschool basics while he’s home. This past week we have been working on tracing and learning the letters. He’s been very excited. I’m not sure what he’s absorbing, but I do know that he really wants to do it. In the middle of coloring yesterday he asked if he could write letters. I don’t even think I could describe my excitement in the fact he initiated the want to write some letters.

We’ve worked our way up to G so far. We tried some free-hand letters but his little hands just can’t quite grasp the crayon the way you’re supposed to be holding it in order to write. So I’ve been writing the letters down and letting him trace over them with a different colored crayon.

I also have letter magnets on the fridge and we’ve been going over some of the letters and words that start with them. Like Thomas starts with the letter T and Olivia starts with the letter O. I don’t expect him to get it, but I’m still excited that he’s been asking what letter different words start with.

He wants so very much to be like his older brothers and to be able to read and write. I want to embrace his excitement to learn and do things, but I want to make sure that I’m doing it right. I need to dumb it down I guess – get back to the basics. I’ve found that to be one of my more challenging things lately when it comes to teaching and helping the boys learn. Remembering how hard it was to learn simple things like letters and adding, because I learned all of that so long ago. Taking that step back is a lot harder than I thought it would be. But I have confidence that I can do this.

I’ve been thinking about getting some letter stencils or alphabet specific coloring books. I’m thinking more hands on things instead of flashcards since he is going to be 4-years-old., but I wanted to see if any of you have any ideas of other things I can get to help teach him the letters and to become familiar with handling crayons?

Younger Boy writing his letters.

Updates – Cats and Kids, Preschool & Meeting Jane

So before I went MIA for two weeks straight I thought I ought to jump on, wave hello and let you all know that I’m still kicking. October is by far a busy month, socially and work wise. And I haven’t been able to have much of a break because Jane canceled the last two weeks for one reason or another. I’m really feeling it, but I’ll make it. FH and I are flying out to St. Louis for a friend’s wedding. So we’re totally going to soak up some time together.

Cats and Kids
I’m writing a blog for work now for our cat website. It’s about blending a new family with instant kids and a cat. I’m only one entry in so far but I’m hoping that people will like my blog and I’ll get to blog more frequently. Right now I’m at about once a week and I already have a huge list of things to talk about when it comes to cats and kids. I'm really excited because not only do I get to talk about my cat as much as I want (because I do talk about Nasty Cat a lot), but I also get to put a face out there for being a stepmom. I always like to think of me and my cat as a packaged deal of our own. Especially for those moments that FH is not pleased with something that Nasty Cat has done. He brought the kids and I brought the cat...that's just how it is. Take it or leave it.

Preschool
After much discussion, although we could afford to send Younger Boy to the preschool run by the city, it would not be helping us save money for the wedding. I really took to heart all of your comments about how well he’s been learning at home with me. So we’ve decided to wait until next year to send him to preschool. In the mean time I’ve bought some materials and resources so that I can work with Younger Boy at home on learning basic things like tracing, letters, counting and creative play. I’m also going to be looking into the local library hours and possibly some playgroup opportunities.

Meeting Jane
That alone explains this part of the update. It was two weeks ago at her kid’s first birthday party. On the way over I had decided that I was going to go in and meet Jane. A big part of it was because Allison was going to be there and I knew that it would help me feel stronger and less intimidated. Another part was that I realized that I wasn’t as intimidated by the thought of Jane as I used to be. I think meeting her in a public place in front of everyone was a good choice. Although, she had the chance to meet me earlier this year for Allison’s daughters’ birthday party so this wasn’t the first opportunity. I guess it also didn’t hurt that I was in one of those “I’m going to walk in there like I own this position” moods I get in before a job interview. Confidence has never failed me.

It was cake. We walked in and I got big hugs from Allison and her family. I was welcomed by her aunt. And then I pretty much introduced myself to her mid-conversation when it was apparent that no one else was going to do it. I think she was more intimidated by me being there. Especially when we went to pick the boys up because they came over to give us hugs. We lingered a bit afterward talking to Allison. Jane filtered in and out but pretty much kept on the other side of the room with her friends.

The boys made me feel good because I wasn’t ignored. They came over and talked to me, and asked me stuff, and they didn’t throw a fit when we were supposed to leave. I think my main fear was always that I was going to be made to feel like nothing special– and their actions showed both me and Jane that I was anything but nothing special.

So that’s the latest.

Turning On Light Switches

So here I am … amazingly. I have a story about me and a story about Younger Boy. Let me start with the story about Younger Boy.

When we put the boys in time out we usually say something or mention what it is they’re not supposed to be doing. It’s usually a question.

“Are you supposed to be body slamming your brothers?” “Is it OK to hit your brother when you’re angry?” “Is it OK to try and shove Nasty Cat’s head through that little loop?”

The boy in question usually answers and goes to sit in time out for a couple of minutes. Usually pending on the severity of what Said Boy has done how old Said Boy is. After the time is up we call Said Boy over and ask him why he was put in time out. Now Older Boy and Middle Boy usually have a pretty good idea why they’ve been put in time out. Younger Boy has consistently played the “I don’t know” card. Now, I know that he’s three years old but he knows that hitting his brothers is not OK.

And really, I’ve been grasping as the end of some ropes here. My frustration with the “I Don’t Know” card is does he really not know? The kid is smart! He knows his colors, he knows numbers 1 through 6, and he knows how to wipe his own butt! I’ve tried to make sure to use simple words and direct words to make sure he understood. But hearing “I don’t know” again and again and again is maddening.

So I’m sure you could only imagine my surprise last Tuesday when he told me exactly what he had done wrong.

Me: And why were you in time out?
YB: Because I was playing with the closet.

Shocked, surprised, almost speechless…those are all fine words that could explain the look on my face that I had to hide behind authority.

Me: And is it OK to play in the closet?
YB: No.
Me: OK. Please don’t play in the closet anymore. You could get hurt. Go play.

He’s done it about three other times since. In fact, all other occurrences of him landing in time out have resulted in a clear answer of understanding what he did wrong as well as the acknowledgment that he did something wrong. I mentioned it to my fiancé who also recognized this new found amazement.

It was like a light switch was turned on and suddenly he was processing things. It was proof that he has been listening to us, right? Maybe? I hope that it continues.

And now, on to me and my story.

I would like a comfy bed, a strong drink and some time off. Let me start off with last weekend. You already know about the birthday party I went to for Allison’s daughters and how I got to show off my mothering skills to Jane’s mom and grandmother. Well, the night before the birthday party we went camping. It was just for one night. My cousins had sent up a family camping trip. It was a lot of fun but apparently one night was enough to do some damage myself. I woke up and put on my glasses and the vision in my right eye was smudged. I don’t mean it was just blurry I mean that it looked like there was a dirty fingerprint smudged on my contact … except that I had my glasses on. I must have cleaned them a couple of times before I realized it was my vision that was the problem. I figured that maybe my eyes were just tired and exhausted from the crazy weekend. So I slept half the day away trying to rest up. Except that by Tuesday the smudge was still there and my eyes were still feeling tight and tired.

I decided to make an appointment at the optometrist and luckily they were able to bring me in that day. My doctor couldn’t figure it out at first. He thought that all the stress from the weekend had done something to my retina. About five eyedrops later and as I was sure that I was going to be blinded from all the lights he was shining in my eyes he must have had his own light switch flipped on. I say this because he turned the bright light off and jumped up out of his chair as if he had just thought up how to create fire. He put something else in my eye and then switched the color of the light. A great “A ha!” came out.

Turns out I have dirty eyes. By dirty eyes I mean that between the smoke and bug sprays camping something got into my eye and dirtied up my corneas. In other words it’s like I’m looking through a dirty windshield. It’s pretty nasty and uncomfortable – much less inconvenient. I kind of need both of my eyes to do things, and since only one eye is sort of working it’s a pain in the butt to stare at anything since my vision is lop sided.

On top of that I’m now sick with some sinus flu like thing. I say sinus because my sinus feel like they’re about to explode. I want to drill holes in my cheek bones to release the pressure. And I say flu because I’m achy and I have a nasty cough and I feel nausea and just like yuck! I could do with a nice nap … maybe I’ll sneak one in later tonight.

But it is times like these that I’m thankful that my fiancé is capable of cooking dinner, doing laundry, handling the kids, feeding the cats and taking care of me. Because if he was one of those guys that just sat on the couch when I was sick and feeling like yuck … oh boy. That situation would not be a fun place to be.

My Mothering Skills Under Spotlight

Sorry for the lack of blogs last week. It was a busy work week followed by a crazy busy weekend. It was a fun weekend, but there is one specific adventure I wanted to share.

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m good friends with Jane’s older sister. (I can’t remember what I called her before so I’ll call her Allison.) Allison is very much the black sheep of her family. By that I mean that she’s responsible, she doesn’t play the victim and she’s social. She also isn’t a big fan of Jane’s actions. I think she gets just as frustrated by everything Jane does. She's told me things that Jane has said to her and the things she's either admitted/or lied hoping to do I don't know what make me shudder. I think she often tries to figure out where it all went wrong with her sister. We have family game nights with Allison and her family at least once month. We’ve dubbed each other family and adopted sisters because that’s just how it feels.

Anyway, Allison had a joint birthday party for her two daughters this weekend. I was kind of anxious knowing that Jane might show up, but I was fairly convinced that Jane would not show. Jane canceled her visit with the boys this week with the vague excuse that she was being pulled out of the area for something. And I found out at the party I was right, Jane wasn’t coming because she had work. However, the rest of the family was there.

Jolie was there, Jane’s grandma was there, and some of her cousins were there. It was a bit intimidating. The only interaction I had really had with Jolie was the one time that I stayed the night over at house when my fiancé was still living there and when we would pick the boys up from her house if they were visiting. At the party I had the chance to sit down and socialize.

What caught me off guard was when Jane and Allison’s grandma (Grandma) came up and gave me a hug when she introduced herself to me. Allison was with me when she came over so it wasn’t as intimidating. What was intimidating was knowing that I was being observed. I made sure to be myself though. It wasn’t the first time that I felt that my mothering skills and techniques were under observation, but it was the first time that it was being done by Jane’s family.

And it wasn’t that bad. I’m sure my own personality helped though. I’m by nature a social bee. I’ve also been told that I’m quite charming and pleasant to talk to. I also made sure that I talked a little bit about myself as well as what we’ve been up to with the boys. Both Jolie and Grandma seemed so excited to hear about all the recent accomplishments of all the boys. I risked opening myself a little to them so that they could get to know me as an individual a bit better too. If felt like walking on thin ice, but it felt comfortable. Maybe I just have more confidence in myself than I give myself credit for. I think that they both saw how much the boys have blossomed and how well they are doing now. It didn’t feel quite as much as I had to prove myself to them, although that’s what I know I was doing.

By the end of the day Grandma gave me a hug. She told me that she loved me before she met me and now that she has she loves me even more and that I’m doing a good job. I felt a lot of relief, as I usually do when people tell me that I’m doing a god job. It’s not so much that I doubt myself, it’s more that I’ve jumped into this feet first without any clue what I was doing. So the reassurance helps me feel like I’m doing some good. It also gave me much relief that someone is out there batting for me. It was a really good feeling to know that Allison is telling her family all of the good that has been going on in our family lately, as well as letting them know that I’m a good person.

Who knows what Jane has told her family about me. Not that I expect much since she has nothing to go off of except her own bitterness. I came after their divorce and I had nothing to do with the choices she's made. It's. But still … I’m very thankful for my relationship with Allison. It has helped me a lot in my new step mom lifestyle.

Task Accomplished - The Wipe

Can you hear that? That beautiful wonderful sound? It’s the glorifying sound of heavenly angels singing and rejoicing because Younger Boy has learned to wipe!

Oh yes, I’ve witnessed this miracle all this week.

YB: I need a wipe!
Me: *walks over to open bathroom door* OK, then get some toilet paper.
YB: *Hops off toilet. Grabs about three squares of toilet paper, and lays strip of squares on sink top so that he can fold them into one thick square. Wipes*
Me: Good job! Do it one more time just to make sure you got it all.
YB: *Repeats above process* Crys, I wiped my butt!
Me: Yes you did! Good job!
YB: I can go to preschool!

So yes, Younger Boy has learned to wipe and is indeed about ready to go to preschool. Although he’ll have to wait for the fall because I’d like to get him a little more independent on wiping on his own first. And there’s this other thing I’ve mentioned to my dear fiancé that he should help with.

The thought occurred to me the other day when I was brushing my teeth. Younger Boy came in to use the bathroom and I noticed that as he’s finishing up he kind of finishes that stream of urine into his underwear. Not exactly full stream here though, more like the after drops of that stream.

Now don’t ask me how I came across this bit of knowledge … it’s possibly it came up during a conversation about how convenient it would be to have a detachable penis I could keep in my purse so that I could whip it out in an outdoor emergency situation. But the thought that came to my mind was, “What about the shake? Isn’t he supposed to shake it?”

Tangent: Yes, I have on multiple occasions participated in the discussion of peeing outside in the woods. Mainly my point is that it’s irritating that guys can go to a tree and whip it out, go, shake it and tuck it back in and you’re done.. However, we females need to find a location, find some balance, pop a squat, go, either shake like crazy or hope like hell you have some tissue or toilet paper tucked somewhere, and then you’re done. Not so much fun when you’re camping and its 4am and you really have to go, or when you’re in the middle of an orchard at a party and you’re bladder is full from too much beer.

Back on topic, I brought this up to my fiancé in the statement of “Isn’t he supposed to shake it when he’s done.” My fiancé looked at me like I was speaking crazy gibberish but then after he observed what Younger Boy was doing I guess my crazy gibberish made sense.

It was kind of funny. FH told Younger Boy to shake it and, because he wasn’t exactly shown what to shake, and because he’s three he interpreted it as he ought to shake his whole bottom half. Now, whether this was productive or not I don’t know because I had to leave the company of FH and Younger Boy to go giggle in the kitchen. So FH’s next assignment (and Older Boy’s) is to show Younger Boy how to shake it when you’re done.

So we have accomplished much:
Recognizing that he has to pee/poop.
Acting upon that realization.
Going correctly on the toilet (standing to pee or sitting to poop)
Wiping up after pooping

Now what we have to work on:
Wiping independently
Remembering to wash hands with soap afterward
The Shake

And I think that one of the older boys (My assumption is Middle Boy) needs to learn to master the shake as well. Because I know that all that wiping I end up having to do around the toilet isn’t all from Nasty Cat and Younger Boy.

Older Boy Is Blossoming

I am ever so thankful that the boys are all younger than tween years. I’m able to still work with them on behavior and teach responsibility young enough for them to hopefully grasp it into their teenage years. However, I am even more thankful for Older Boy. He just turned 9 and is old enough to grasp things. I am sad that he’s had to experience the heartache and pain of having his parents divorce, but I am glad that he’s been able to see the positive changes and is starting to grasp the right from the wrong.

Older Boy is very motherly, however I’ve been working with him to be less “I’ll do it for you” and more “I’m going to help show you/teach you how to do it for yourself” with his younger brothers. (I’ve had to do the same lesson with my fiancé but I’m proud to say that he’s caught on to his lesson on that very well.) Backing up a bit, I’m very thankful for Older Boy.

Older Boy has helped me to potty train Younger Boy. And he’s helped to be the good example of how to do it with him for other things too. He’s helped to be an example of how to be a big boy and eat your food. He’s helped to be an example of how to buckle your seat belt. And he’s also been oh so helpful in being the example of how to do the right thing, and what to do when you see others doing the wrong thing (although we’re still in the process of that but slow and steady is better then not at all).

I think that this “Helping to teach” his younger brothers has been helping to boost his confidence in himself and helping him to feel more independent as well. My latest request for him was actually to help show Middle Boy how to do something.

Usually Older Boy will help me out by sitting with Middle Boy while he reads to help with words he gets stuck on. However, lately I decided that Middle Boy really needed a lesson on how to properly brush his teeth. And by properly brush his teeth I mean not to make a giant foaming mess that will end up on my shirt hem or pants when I go to put my contacts in/do my hair or make up. Older Boy was up to the challenge. Not only was he awesome and show Middle Boy how he brushes his teeth, but he also stayed to watch Middle Boy brush his teeth and even was very helpful in providing tips and reminders to Middle Boy like “spit in the middle of the sink” and “don’t allow the foam to just fall out of your mouth and onto the counter top.”

I was making lunches for them while they were doing this, but all I could think was, “Thank goodness for Older Boy!”

I’ve also been trying to connect with him as being the oldest child in the family. (My fiancé is the youngest in his.) I think he’s been pretty thankful that he has another older child to relate too. Whenever we have to do the “You’re the older brother and you have to set the example” sort of thing I always tell him one of my experiences that I had to learn about being the good example for my younger sister. It probably also helps that my mother tells him stories of the time I messed up and what I learned growing up as the older child.

It is absolutely amazing to me how much Older Boy has blossomed since I moved in. He started off being this really quiet and not very confident boy in his shell all the time. He’s a thinker that observes the situation at first, but he’s really started to come out of his shell and be more of a participant than just an observer. I think having people who encourage him, challenge him, and show him that there are so many opportunities out there and all you have to do is try has really helped him a lot.

He Makes Me So Proud!

While potty-training Younger Boy we made the mistake of allowing him to plop down on the floor to 1) Before going to take off his pants/underwear and 2) After going to put on his pants/underwear. I say mistake because 1)It was a pain when going out because he insisted on doing this and I always had to insist that he not. Come on, it's a public bathroom floor! Ewww. 2)It was a pain having to wait on him to take his clothes all off and put them all back on again when trying to go pick up the older boys from school, and 3)It got kind of gross (poop stamps and cat litter spewed across the floor is all I have to say).

So lately I have been trying to tail him there to remind him (teach him) how to pull his pants down around his ankles instead.

Me: Stand on the stool. Turn Around. And pull down your pants.
YB: And my underwear, and sit down!

This is the conversation we have daily … about five to nine times daily. Sometimes I omit the “Turn Around” because as he progresses he does it automatically.

Last night he goes running across the living room telling us he has to go potty. As he goes running by I call out:

Me: Stand on the stool!
YB: And pull my pants down. And my underwear.

Little did he know I was tailing him. Just to make sure. It has occurred before that he gets there and plops his butt down on the floor getting ready to pull everything off and I intercept the play and get him up on the stool.

I peeked around the corner and saw him place the stool in front of the toilet, get up on it and pull his pants down. Can I tell you how proud I was, I admit I teared up a bit. I turned around and went back to my fiancé and our intense game of Uno.

Me: *sarcastic fake sniff* He makes me so proud.
FH: Did he use the stool without you having to tell him to.
Me: Yes!

So proud. My bathroom floor is on its way to being safe and free of poop stamps … maybe.

The Year Of The Coffee Bean

Until today I hadn’t quite figured out what my resolution will be for this year. I actually stopped making resolutions a couple of years ago and decided to create a yearly sort of mantra to follow.

2006 – The Year To Take Risks
2007 – The Year To Take Smart Risks
2008 – The Year To Be Optimistic and Think Positively
2009 ???

I’ve thought about this a couple of times now. I want it to be something realistic and yet challenging. I want to gain something from it, and I want to be able to share what I gain with others.

I was reading through my old LiveJournal today. I often find that I’ve learned a lot and have come a long way by reflecting on my challenges of the past. It’s like looking outside the box at the girl back then. The girl back then has helped shape me to be the woman I am now, and the girl back then continues to help shape me when I reflect back upon what she’s learned.

This was a past entry I found:

January 6, 2008

An excerpt from: “Bad Childhood, Good Life” by Laura Schlessinger:
"A young woman went to her mother and complained about her hard life. She was tired of the struggle, felt like giving up, but was willing to hear advice from her mother.

Her mother took her into the kitchen, filled three pots with water, and added carrots to one pot, an egg to another pot, and coffee beans to the third. She turned the heat under them up to HIGH and let them boil.

At the end of about half an hour, she removed the carrots, egg, and coffee beans from the pots and put them on plates. She asked her daughter what she saw and learned. The daughter had no clue. So the mother explained that each of those three foodstuffs had been exposed to the same challenge: boiling water. The carrots went in strong and sturdy and then turned to mush. The egg went in fragile and ultimately turned hard. And the coffee beans changed the hot water around them -- producing a wonderful aroma and a delight to the taste buds.

'So, my darling daughter, when the hour is the darkest and the trials are the greatest, how do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot that loses its strength? Are you the egg that becomes tough and hardened? Are you the coffee bean that influences the universe in a positive, hopeful way?' "

I hope all of you think about this and understand the message.

Despite the struggles that I have encountered, I have always aimed at being the coffee bean that influenced the universe in a positive and hopeful way.

Re-reading that entry made me think that with my current situation it might be most beneficial to myself and those around me if I focused this year on making sure that I take my 2008 Positive and Optimistic view and influence it upon those around me. Not that I want to wear rose-colored glasses and loose touch with reality, but thinking positively and looking for the positive things has made a world of difference in my life.

Right now I am often faced with a lot of negativity and pessimism. I don’t expect to change anyone, but I’d like to make sure that I’m being the example of positive and optimistic influence … if that makes sense.

I’ve decided that 2009 will be The Year Of The Coffee Bean … a.k.a The Year Of Being A Positive Influence.

How Their Progress Entertains Me

Can I just say that I love some of the conversation snippets the boys have? They really crack me up and provide me with the entertainment and a reason to get me laughing each day (although they usually aren’t trying to be funny).

Example 1 – Middle Boy’s Reading Progress
Middle Boy has really come a long way in his reading skills this semester. He started the semester off not knowing much or anything about sounding out words, and now he’s reading easy Dr. Seuss books and starting to learn how to read other books (those silent E’s and other *special* vowel sounds are tricky).

At his parent conference his teacher was so impressed at how well he blends his sounds together. My fiancé and I were pretty proud of this since we’ve been teaching him all along and encouraging him to read at home. I also can’t begin to tell you how many times a week I heard the phonics alphabet cd or heard about his Alpha Friends (the characters associated with letters that they learn/review each week).

Anyway, last night my fiancé and Middle Boy were sitting down reading a book. And Middle Boy was trying to blend together the sounds for the word “kisses.” My fiancé was having him sound out the different sounds/phrases that Middle Boy could recognize – “Kiss” and “Es”

FH: Put it together. What does it say?
MB: Kiss. Eh-sss. *loudly* Kiss-Ass!

I was sitting at my desk working when I heard this. Now usually when I’m trying not to laugh I hide my mouth in my shirt collar. Well, when I attempted to do just this I about cursed at myself for wearing a split V-neck that day. I ended up covering my mouth with my hand and leaning a little further onto my desk while I tried to control my giggles. It was so precious and classic.

Example 2 – Younger Boy Learning to Use His Words
Now, Younger Boy has this habit of screaming and yelling instead of using his words when he doesn’t like something his brothers are doing to him. In fact, all of them had this habit when I first moved in. Middle Boy and Older Boy have embraced my method of “Using your words” quite well. Younger Boy on the other hand is a bit more of a project. He still hasn’t quite grasped it yet. I’ve worked and volunteered at Child Development Centers for quite a while during college and high school. The method exercised there is:

Tell them to stop whatever it is they're doing. And then tell them why/what you want them to stop and how it makes you feel when they do it.

One I often use with Younger Boy: “Please stop yelling at me. It hurts my feelings because I don’t like it when you yell at me like that.”

It’s all nature to me now and I don’t usually stop to think about it when I use the method. And sorta off-topic, the method sounds pretty funny when used on some of my friends at the Fraternity House back in college. Great example: “Please don’t call me a whore. I do not get paid to have sex, nor do I charge others to have sex with me. So I’d appreciate it if you stopped calling me that.” Oh yeah, it came out just like that, without a thought. And it received a good chuckle, BUT it worked 92 percent of the time.

Back on topic, I’ve been working with Younger Boy to use my method. So earlier this week I caught this conversation between Younger Boy and Middle Boy who were playing in their room:

Story set up: Middle Boy is trying to shove his Transformer toy into Younger Boys Thomas and Friends train station (which Younger Boy is playing with) and Younger Boy is trying to push the toy out with his hands. They both try using my method against each other.

MB: Younger Boy! STOP! DON’T DO THAT!
YB: STOP! I'm MAD AT YOU!
MB: I'm sad *sniffs*
YB: Yes! You are!

OK, maybe I’m just mean and evil but that cracked me up. It was nice to hear that they were trying to use their words … albeit a little backwards and out of order … but still! And, oh, how I wish I could insert voice inflections because Younger Boy’s “Yes! You are!” sounded so direct and intended. Luckily for me they were in their room and I could silently giggle into my shirt collar in the living room at my desk.

Oh yes, How I Love the random snippets of conversation I hear from the boys.

Potty Training Boys - Fine Tuning the Details

From my last post “Instant Mom Adventures In Potty Training” I celebrated in the achievement of getting Younger Boy out of diapers and peeing on the toilet. We’ll it’s been a little over a month since then and there has been much progress. *Does A Celebration Jig of Delight*

Achieved:

• Becoming aware that “I have to go poop”
• Acting upon that awareness
• Pooping in the toilet (at our house/when he’s with us at least. I can’t for sure say the same for Jane. But if she’d rather not be proactive in potty training then that’s her choice.)
  

Next on the list:

• Learning to wipe
• Peeing like a big boy
  

Now you see these last two have brought some new elements to the plate that I’m just not familiar with.

Let’s start with peeing like a big boy. That is much further down my list at the moment. I’ve been trying to recruit the assistance of my fiancé, Older Boy and Middle Boy to help me out here. I don’t know about you, but I’m a visual learner. There is a photo of me as a three-year-old imitating my dad by sitting on the training toilet in foot pajamas, holding open a newspaper and smiling for the camera. Was I ever so proud that I could sit on the toilet like my Daddy. *I do want to note that the newspaper is upside down* So I’m hoping that if one of them brings Younger Boy in there with them to show them how they do it, maybe he’ll be inspired to want to do it too.

I did attempt it yesterday:
Me: Do you want to pee like Daddy, Middle Boy and Older Boy?
YB: Yes!
Me: OK, first you have to stand on your stool facing the toilet.
YB: OK
Me: Then pull your pants down, No YB, you don’t have to take your pants off. Leave them near your feet.
YB: OK *assumes the position*
Me: *Throws a purple fruit loop in the toilet* OK, do you see that? Try to pee on it.
YB: *Grabs my hands (which are trying to help him balance on the stool) for dear life … hesitates … whimpers … shrinks back* [Obvious stage fright and there will be no performance today folks.]
Me: You know what YB, that’s OK. You can try again later.

We’ll, E for Effort, right? Perhaps not the best directional method, I do know for a fact that pregnancy tests state a bit more detail then “Pee on the stick.” But I just didn’t think that the phrases “Aim for the purple loop” or “Try to shoot your stream of pee at the purple loop” were going to help my cause. It just is this one little issue I have with potty training boys.

You see … it’s just that I don’t have the package that they have. As a woman I actually lack the male anatomy parts, thus I am just not familiar with how that all works in all matters of toilet use. In college, if I was out at a party in an orchard and I had to go, I didn’t have the convenience of a hose-like device attached to my body to help funnel it in a convenient location. I had to pop a squat with the rest of the ladies.

I tried to do some research on this dilemma and by “do some research” I mean that I had to ask the fiancé. (We’ll refer to him as FH – Future Husband in conversation.)
Me: So, I have this problem.
FH: What’s that?
Me: I need to know how boys wipe.
FH: Huh?
Me: Well, since YB is with me often through out the day, and I obviously, at least the last time I checked, don’t have that package, I don’t quite know how it works.
FH: *Gives me the “Are you F’ing Kidding me” look and gives a sort of chuckle*
Me: No, I’m serious. How do you wipe? Do you stand up? Do you sit down? Do you have to maneuver around that thing? Do you just move it to the side? Do you just reach around? I don’t have one so I don’t know.

This research really didn’t help me. Although I did gain some information that I suppose will be somewhat helpful in my efforts to teach something I’ve never done before. My younger sister found my research quite hilarious but agreed that she didn’t have a damn clue how it’s done either.

I’ve concluded that the older males in the house are also going to have to just bring Younger Boy in there with them too so that he’ll have another example of how boys do it.

So for now, I will try my best to do this latest task. I will flourish in the joy that the boy is pooping and peeing in the toilet and that I don’t have to deal with diapers at the moment. And I will also bask in Younger Boy’s excitement and delight that he is going to the bathroom like a big boy.

His latest phrase is, “When I learn to wipe my butt I can go to preschool!”

At least I have something motivational enough on my side to help leverage him to want to learn to wipe.

Instant Mom Adventures In Potty Training

I wanted to share something that I’m proud and excited about. Since I’m working from home I’ve been working with Younger Boy on potty training.

When I first moved in (September 14, 2008) Younger Boy was in diapers. Never indicated when he had to go potty, just went in his diaper. Yet he was showing signs that he could control it.

I wondered if his resistance to go potty had anything to do with the divorce (his last stance to hold on to anything he knew from before), a lack in support and encouragement to go potty in the toilet (my boyfriend was the only one encouraging it, but since he works during the day Younger Boy was with people who weren’t encouraging it) or a combination of the two with a dash of stubborn. (The latter being Highly likely.)

And then I came along.

After about a week of having to work and change diapers I got pretty tired of it. I went out and bought some training diapers on September 22nd. He started to show some progress, but figured out that the training diaper was just a fancy diaper that worked like his big brothers’ underwear.

Well, I will not be outsmarted by a 2 year old.

I went out and bought toddler underwear. And since Thomas & Friends are his favorite things in his 2 year old life right now, I found some Thomas & Friends underwear. And I decided to ask him what he wanted.

Me: Do you want to wear a diaper or Thomas & Friends underwear?
YB: Thomas underwear.

So we started working on wearing underwear. And oh boy, did my poor carpet get some leaks. (It made me kind of chuckle because the apartments charged a pet deposit fee, and I must say that Younger Boy has put more stress on this carpet then both of the cats combined. Maybe they should, instead, charge a Child Deposit Fee.)

I used a potty chart with heart stickers for going potty on the toilet, and a fish sticker for going poop on the toilet. Here’s a picture of the chart and Younger Boy’s progress:



Not too many fish on there, yet. But, he is recognizing when he has to go potty. He’ll actually go running by me on his way to the bathroom announcing “I have to go potty!” and triumphantly comes out saying “I get a heart.”

He also is sleeping in underwear all night, and wearing underwear all day. In fact, I’ve thrown the remaining training diapers up on the closet top shelf (reserved for out of town trips in the near future, but hopefully not distant.)

Achieved:

• Peeing on the toilet
• Wearing underwear full time (out of training diapers)
• Becoming aware that “I have to go potty”
• Acting upon that awareness
• Can put clothes on and pull them off (with some assistance now and then)
• Sleep through the night without wetting the bed
• Sleep through a nap without wetting the bed
• Being able to hold it when someone else is in the bathroom

Next on the list:

• Becoming aware that “I have to go poop”
• Acting upon that awareness
• Pooping in the toilet. (Oh yeah.)

I thought that it was about time to share something exciting from my experience. I don’t require a pat on the back, but it is nice to be able to see that I’ve made a difference. Who knew that seeing the number of those hearts grow on that chart could inspire me that “Yes, I can be an instant mom and, hopefully, do a good job at it.”