My Mothering Skills Under Spotlight

Sorry for the lack of blogs last week. It was a busy work week followed by a crazy busy weekend. It was a fun weekend, but there is one specific adventure I wanted to share.

I think I’ve mentioned before that I’m good friends with Jane’s older sister. (I can’t remember what I called her before so I’ll call her Allison.) Allison is very much the black sheep of her family. By that I mean that she’s responsible, she doesn’t play the victim and she’s social. She also isn’t a big fan of Jane’s actions. I think she gets just as frustrated by everything Jane does. She's told me things that Jane has said to her and the things she's either admitted/or lied hoping to do I don't know what make me shudder. I think she often tries to figure out where it all went wrong with her sister. We have family game nights with Allison and her family at least once month. We’ve dubbed each other family and adopted sisters because that’s just how it feels.

Anyway, Allison had a joint birthday party for her two daughters this weekend. I was kind of anxious knowing that Jane might show up, but I was fairly convinced that Jane would not show. Jane canceled her visit with the boys this week with the vague excuse that she was being pulled out of the area for something. And I found out at the party I was right, Jane wasn’t coming because she had work. However, the rest of the family was there.

Jolie was there, Jane’s grandma was there, and some of her cousins were there. It was a bit intimidating. The only interaction I had really had with Jolie was the one time that I stayed the night over at house when my fiancé was still living there and when we would pick the boys up from her house if they were visiting. At the party I had the chance to sit down and socialize.

What caught me off guard was when Jane and Allison’s grandma (Grandma) came up and gave me a hug when she introduced herself to me. Allison was with me when she came over so it wasn’t as intimidating. What was intimidating was knowing that I was being observed. I made sure to be myself though. It wasn’t the first time that I felt that my mothering skills and techniques were under observation, but it was the first time that it was being done by Jane’s family.

And it wasn’t that bad. I’m sure my own personality helped though. I’m by nature a social bee. I’ve also been told that I’m quite charming and pleasant to talk to. I also made sure that I talked a little bit about myself as well as what we’ve been up to with the boys. Both Jolie and Grandma seemed so excited to hear about all the recent accomplishments of all the boys. I risked opening myself a little to them so that they could get to know me as an individual a bit better too. If felt like walking on thin ice, but it felt comfortable. Maybe I just have more confidence in myself than I give myself credit for. I think that they both saw how much the boys have blossomed and how well they are doing now. It didn’t feel quite as much as I had to prove myself to them, although that’s what I know I was doing.

By the end of the day Grandma gave me a hug. She told me that she loved me before she met me and now that she has she loves me even more and that I’m doing a good job. I felt a lot of relief, as I usually do when people tell me that I’m doing a god job. It’s not so much that I doubt myself, it’s more that I’ve jumped into this feet first without any clue what I was doing. So the reassurance helps me feel like I’m doing some good. It also gave me much relief that someone is out there batting for me. It was a really good feeling to know that Allison is telling her family all of the good that has been going on in our family lately, as well as letting them know that I’m a good person.

Who knows what Jane has told her family about me. Not that I expect much since she has nothing to go off of except her own bitterness. I came after their divorce and I had nothing to do with the choices she's made. It's. But still … I’m very thankful for my relationship with Allison. It has helped me a lot in my new step mom lifestyle.