She’s Finally Here!!

“It is the nature of babies to be in bliss.” -Deepak Chopra

I wanted to stop in and update everyone. The fabulous news is that there is a stinkin’ cute baby girl in my home.

I had a 20 hour long labor with only 2 1/2 hours of pushing. It was definitely a full day effort. If you look at the day I started with regular contractions though it was about 40 hours of labor. Baby J.C. was born at 8:28pm on October 7, 2010, at 8 lbs 5 oz 21 inches long.

It wasn’t a fun labor (not that I expected it to be.) I had a 102.7 fever and unfortunately so did the baby. She was in the NICU for the first 2 or so days, and I was visiting her every two or so hours to feed her and spend some time with her. We both were on watch because we had to have our temperatures stabilized and normal for a 24 hour period and we had series of antibiotics. She was finally able to stay with me in my room on Saturday night and we finally came home Sunday afternoon.

I’ve been slowly recovering and trying to get some strength back. J.C. is doing good though. F.H. and I make a really good team when it comes to taking care of her and sharing responsibilities. Luckily he was able to take the week off so that he can help out around the house and we have bonding time with her.

The boys are absolutely in love with her. They look at her with such wonder. They haven’t been able to do a lot with her considering she’s a baby but we’re trying to think of ways that they can be more involved in her care. The most precious thing though is watching them all give her a kiss good night before they head on up to bed. Especially Younger Boy whose face absolutely lights up and glows whenever he gets to see her or talk about her.

I’ll hope to be back sooner than later. It kind of all depends on having the energy and moment to spare. I hope that everyone is doing well!

Baby J.C. a couple minutes old.

J.C. all snuggled up and sleeping.

Baby Update

The Baby Update is that I'm still pregnant and am at 41 weeks today. Saying I'm uncomfortable is a bit of an understatement, but I'm trooping through it. I had a doctor's appointment and a stress test done yesterday to check on how the baby is doing. The good news is that the baby is doing fine. In fact, she was so active that we had to wait longer so the nurse could get the numbers she needed to let us go. The baby either kept moving away from the monitor or she's kick it off and we'd need to readjust. I have a feeling I'll have a handful of little sass on my hands.

The other good news is that I'm at least starting to open up. Last week my cervix was still closed up, but I'm about at 1 cm now so that's at least progress. Keep us in your thoughts and send us some labor-ific vibes. My friend put it fabulously as imagining the old Mervyn's commercials where the ladies are standing outside the doors saying 'Open! Open! Open!'

I'll keep you all updated!

The Boys and the Baby

One thing a lot of people ask me is how the boys feel about the baby. It always catches me as odd considering that for the most part we've been functioning as a rather healthy family unit for the past year and a half ... almost two years. However, I do know that some people just don't get it and I can't really hold that against them. Even I'm aware that blended family life isn't for everyone.

But as far as I can tell the boys are excited … especially Younger Boy. All of the adults that work with him at the school all already knew about his younger sister and her name. It was rather touching to me that he was so excited already.

Anyway, considering Jane had another baby two years ago I wasn’t sure how the boys would react to having a baby in the house. Older Boy has had the experience of having a preggo mom and new baby in the house. Middle Boy may or may not remember what life was like when Younger Boy was born. And Younger Boy is only aware of what life with a baby is like from the few times he was welcomed over to stay the night/weekend with Jane.

Their brother Trevor is now 3 years old, and they see him once a week (if Jane doesn’t cancel) for about two hours. From what they’ve told me, when they do stay the night over there their time is focused around whatever Trevor wants and doesn’t want to do. One time I was informed they watched Kung Fu Panda about 15 times over the weekend because Trevor really liked the movie.

I’ve been trying to have the boys involved with as much as I can. They help me with chores around the house. I talk with Middle Boy about all the possibilities of what she will be like because he likes to wonder aloud a lot about what she might be like. I’m rather glad that Younger Boy is older now because when Trevor was first born he had some baby envy – but who wouldn’t expect that. Especially when this new baby gets to live with Jane and get all her attention and Younger Boy has to have FH and I fighting for him just to get some attention. But from the amount that he talks about the baby I think that he is truly excited.

I was sure what Older Boy’s reaction really was until a couple of days ago when he asked if he could feel her move. She had chosen to take a nap at the moment so I told him I would let him know the next time she was going nutty in there. Luckily it happened Friday morning and at first he lightly put his hand on the baby belly. I know she’s big enough that even Nasty Cat can definitely feel her but a little pressure doesn’t hurt if you really want to feel some movement. So I pushed his hand down a little harder and she moved up toward his hand. He had a sparkle in his eye and a smile on his face and I felt one of those warm fuzzies inside.

Will their opinions change once a crying, pooping baby is actually in the house? Possibly, but it’s nice to know that they already love her and are excited to have her here to be a part of the family. I’m three days past the estimated due date right now and they’re already making a little poll of their own to guess which day she’ll finally decide to stop being stubborn and make her grand entrance.

She Doesn’t Treat Them The Same

Some of you may remember from last year, but I got rather furious when I came to the realization that Jane only put effort into requesting the boys’ presence last year for her other son Trevor’s birthday. (For those that are new Jane had a new baby not too long after the divorce/I moved in. It’s been cause for some issues here and there.)

After talking with Jane’s sister Allison I came to the realization that not only was the effort made just for Trevor’s birthday but that this effort was made solely for Trevor. His birthday was yesterday, which was also my due date by the way but I’m still pretty preggo today.

Anyway, this year’s gripe/realization … I think it’s still pretty stupid that Jane doesn’t treat all her children the same. It’s beyond her constantly asking for the older boys and leaving Younger Boy out. She treats Trevor completely different from how she treats all three of the boys. For instance, she makes a big deal about making sure to take/request Trevor’s birthday off from work. Yet, we have to plan in advance just to try and get her to take time off to spend with the boys over summers, for holidays, etc. And she doesn’t even bother trying to take the day off from work for any of the boys’ birthdays. In face, we always have to prod her ahead of time to find out what her day off will be and when she plans on celebrating the boys’ birthdays.

I’m not as furious as I was last year. But it was most disappointing to come and realize that the injustice of how she treats all of her children is much more than I first though.

I’m glad that we at least treat them all the same when it comes to their birthdays, in additional to realizing that the way we celebrate may need some tweaking as they get older in age.

Baby Update: As you may have guessed I’m still pretty preggo. My due date was yesterday but I have a feeling that perhaps the baby didn’t want to share a birthday with Trevor … also that she’s probably about as stubborn as me so she’s going to come when she feels like it instead of when someone tells her too. Hopefully though, she’ll be considerate of my comfort level and will come sooner than later. I know it can’t possible by comfy in there considering she’s growing bigger each week. Here’s to hoping she’s not that stubborn.

Proud of My Husband

I guess a positive and a downfall is that I’m always looking for the positive in people - except for the likes of Kobe and Derek Jeter. Otherwise, even in Jane I have some faith in to one day be a decent human being.

She actually had set a new record for herself this year. She was consistently seeing the boys for a dinner date once a week. She had even been taking all three of them overnight about once a month or so. It got to the point that I stopped wondering when she was going to cancel on them because I really figured that maybe she had grown up a bit and started to grasp that Motherhood responsibility thing.

Then two weeks ago she cancelled. She didn’t give a reason, she just cancelled…the day of. Then last week she called up FH trying to cancel. At first her excuse was that they were having car trouble. And I’m very proud of FH because he said “No,” and said that even if she didn’t come the boys were still going to go visit at her mom’s house. Then she tried to throw in that her ear had been bleeding the night before. FH again said ‘No, we have a date night planned.”

Low and behold, when we got to Jolie’s house there parked out front was Jane’s car. We were pleasantly surprised (actually shocked) because we figured she was just going to be a no show.

We had a fabulous date night but then she really pissed me off again when she asked FH if Older Boy could come stay the night on Friday. And Middle Boy could come too if he wanted. And again, Younger Boy got dissed with no invite.

FH called her back later that night with the message that perhaps she ought to take Older Boy and Younger Boy this weekend, and to relay more info involving Middle Boy’s medical bills (that’s a whole other post).

To her credit she actually called back a day or so later and said it was fine with her if Younger Boy went over there instead. It still pissed me off, but at least she was willing to take him.

Anyway, I’m proud of my husband. My husband two years ago might have been willing to bend over and let her have her way without argument. But he’s been standing up to her lately and I like it.

Baby Update: As of right now that little baby is still trying to kick her way out. She hasn’t quite figured out that is not how you get out of there. I’m 38 weeks and oh so ready to be done. I’ll keep you all updated on whenever I actually leave to go into labor. The due date is September 29th so basically she’s coming whenever she’s good and ready.

And for those who enjoy a good visual, and aren't a friend on Facebook, here is the baby bump at 38 weeks.

School Has Started

School has started! And this year they start 20 minutes earlier then they did last year. This means that we all have to wake up earlier. Luckily for Middle Boy, he’s a pop out of bed, awake, morning early bird. Unluckily for Older Boy, Younger Boy and myself we’re sleep in until at least 9am, you’d best not wake me, where’s my coffee, I can’t believe I’m up this flipping early non-morning persons.

It’s been about a week and a half now and we’ve all managed to get a routine down. I drag my butt out of bed around 6:30am-6:50am. I wake the boys up around 7:10am. They make their beds, get dressed, come down and eat dinner. I’m meanwhile putting their lunches and snack together. The goal is to get out the door at 7:30am to get them to school around 7:40am. This way Older Boy can walk Younger Boy to his kindergarten class and still have time to make it to his class line and socialize a bit (wake up a bit more).

Considering I’ve cut out the coffee for now and I haven’t slept well through the night in months I’ve been majorly dragging butt. Thirty-six weeks pregnant is exhausting. Everyone keep telling me I have no clue what I’m in for because I’m going to be waking up even more during the night. But considering I’m waking up about 5-7 times during the night as it is I’m hoping that maybe I’m just getting in good practice for nightly feedings and diaper changes.

On a different note, Younger Boy is really, really excited to finally be at school. He’s in the morning class so I pick him up at 11:25am. Luckily, he was accepted into the after school program from 1:40pm to 6pm so he’s able to come back and socialize and play some more with kids his own age. It’s a blessing, in my opinion, but a pain in the butt trying to juggle between meetings at work.

His after school program teacher though was having trouble keeping him focused. Considering he’s a kindergartner (and an excited kindergartner at that) FH and I figured he’d have to work on learning to focus more. But she asked us the other day for tips.

She mentioned she had tried bribing him with “You can be in the front of the line” and some other mumbo jumbo. Basically we told her that in addition to being super excited he was probably testing her on what he could get away with on his scale of Jane-who-lets-him-do-what-he-wants-and-bribes-with-toys-and-goodies on the left and me-who-enforces-structure-holds-him-accountable-for-his-actions-and-challenges-him-to-find-things-to-do on the right.

He tried pulling the sad, blinking back tears that weren’t there yet trick in front of us when we called him over to have a chat. His teacher mentioned that the face scared her because she felt bad, so I demonstrated the resistance to it and got results. Perhaps I’ve just had more training in working with children and behavior between being an instant mom and working in the childhood development centers all those years.

The good news is that she reported to FH the other day that she found that if she gave him a task to focus on he was much better instead of going wild.

I’m hoping that with time Younger Boy will get used to being in a class environment. And that in a couple of weeks I’ll go into labor, because I’ve been really, really patient.

Memo to Nasty Cat – Don’t Get Too Comfortable

Memo: To Nasty Cat

Dept: Cats

From: Crys

Subject: More Changes

Nasty Cat, I want to acknowledge that you have been a pretty good sport with all the changes we’ve undergone together in the last two years.

You’ve been very tolerant with the boys, other children who come to visit the house and even with FH. You’ve also been very good, for the most part, about the constant moving every year to a new home. I feel your pain on not enjoying it all the time, but I appreciate it and I wanted you to know that I appreciate it.

I know that you too are very excited and looking forward to tomorrow (Wednesday, August 25th) when the boys go back to school. And I do mean all three boys will be going to school for a good part of the day. Younger Boy will be going to kindergarten so that means that he will only be gone for part of the morning, but no worries he will eventually go all day too.

With this said I think it is time I inform you that I am now about 35 weeks pregnant. I know this really means nothing to you at the moment, but to me that means that in a matter of weeks I’ll be giving birth to this little baby. I’m not sure if you’ve ever experienced a baby before. I’m not sure what your life was like before I brought you home from the shelter. But a baby is a whole new thing for both you and me.

I know so far your main experience with this baby has been when you try to cuddle up around my suddenly large stomach and you get poked. I know it's confused you. There you are, napping on my lap when you get a swift poke (kick) to the head. FH and I really didn't mean to laugh at you, but the look of surprise and confusion on your face was priceless.

With my experience with babies they like to cry, and poop, and sleep, and eat … a lot. In some retrospect a baby’s life is very similar to how you spend your day.

I know you’re aware that we’ve acquired some new furniture. Like the chair on wheels contraption and the other lounging chair with the handle. We’ve been trying to set these out so that you can see them, get used to them, and realize that their not yours.

In closing – the baby is almost here. And that means that life is about to get all kinds of crazy again. I thought I ought to at least try to give you a heads up since it’s about to be you, me and the baby all day.

Just so you know, I still love you a lot and you’ll always be my kitty. But you’re going to have to learn how to share me. Oh, and you can have total rule over the boys’ rooms while they’re off at school.

Kind Regards,

Crys, House Co-Director

NOTE: I'm attaching a photo of you trying to sleep on my lap with the baby to help remind you that you have already sort of become a part of the baby's life. She knows who you are by your purring and I like to think that maybe she already likes you and her poking at you is her way of saying "hello."

Feeling A Little Guilty

Well, I’m glad to say that we’re moved out of the old apartment and are in the nice bigger townhouse. It’s not the permanent place, but it’s more fitting. Older Boy now has his own room which is a big deal. Middle Boy and Younger Boy are sharing a room and will just have to work harder on getting along. And the baby will have her own little nook in the master bedroom with us. She even has her own closet which is already full of clothes, blankets and diapers.

Can I also tell you that at 34 weeks I’m so ready to have this baby? I’ve been trying so hard to be patient because all I want is to have her already and get it over with. I’ve also been trying hard not to think too much about the whole birthing process that is in the very near future. Gah!

August has been crazy busy which is probably how it passed by so fast. It’s also been a relaxing time because the kiddos have been at one place or another. This week Older Boy and Middle Boy are staying with Jane for the week and we have Younger Boy here with us. He spent a weekend with Middle Boy at her home the first weekend of the month.

I’m feeling a little guilty because I don’t have a longing, missing feeling for them. I know that FH misses them like crazy. But I’m currently enjoying the quiet and less chaotic times. I’ve also been feeling rather disconnected from the boys. Even with Younger Boy I’ve felt disconnected lately and have been working on feeling that attachment to him again.

I’m not sure why. I think it might be a combination of being pregnant, them being gone, the looming reality that life is about to get even more chaotic, and me really enjoying some peace and quiet work days.

I guess that’s just the life of a stepmother though. I don’t care for them any less. I don’t love them any less. I don’t desire or wish the best for them any less. I also don’t loath them coming back. I’m just not missing their presence at the moment. It’s a sort of limbo … or perhaps it’s my way of trying to cope with the reality that more huge change is on the way.

I honestly look forward to a day when perhaps life will be a little more set and not so many new, big changes are happening all at once. I know change is unavoidable, but this is A LOT of BIG change happening all at the same time.

To Hope or Not Hope August Is Speedy

Dear August,

I’m rather torn about you. On one hand I would love if you went by slowly. You see, this week all three boys are at home. And it’s only Monday and I’m already going nuts.

But then next week all three boys will be off to Oregon and Southern California. And then the week after that we may or may not only have Younger Boy at home. (You know, if Jane actually gets her shit together and asks for the week off like she was supposed to do a month or two ago when we first decided on dates.) And then the week after that school starts!

Yet, I’m really miserable in the department of baby creating right now. I’ll be at 32 weeks sooner than later and am apparently the size of a hippo. People keep asking me if I’m sure I’m not having twins and last night was the first night that sleep just wasn’t happening. I don’t know if I’m up for a month and a half more of sleepless nights like this. Or perhaps this will actually be the last month of normal sleep I have before the little blossom arrives.

We’re also in the middle of moving…Which I am not a fan of … especially because I can’t do anything. But it is a bigger apartment and not only will Older Boy finally have his own room but I will once again have a washer and dryer in the unit.

So you see, I would love more than anything if you went by as quickly as July did, but at the same time something tells me that I really ought to cherish your presence. So please don’t be offended if one minute I hate you and the next I love you. If you need to point blame you can point it at the crazy preggo hormones.

Thank you for hearing me out.

Kind Regards,

Crys

It Was Just A Thought

I’ve discovered that the bigger this baby grows the harder of a time I have doing rather normal things like bending over, getting up from the couch and painting my toe nails. Considering my feet are swollen half the time and I’m now in flip flops and barefoot a good majority of the time nice looking toe nails have been my latest obsession.

In my past life when I was a single, career-girl with a cat I used to frequent a nearby nail salon. I didn’t even care if I couldn’t understand the women who seemed to talk more to each other while doing our nails than to us. However, after I became an instant mother, who shares her paycheck to provide for her new family and a cat my trips to get my nails done have become almost non-existent. In fact, the last time I did have a manicure/pedicure was when I flew out to Michigan for a friend’s wedding last September. It was by far the best manicure/pedicure ever.

Recently I attempted to paint my toe nails. I was successful in getting color on them, but not very successful in getting that fabulous polished look. I looked at FH and for a moment considered asking if he would help me. However, I dare not tread on his masculinity by asking that of him. I’m still trying to convince him that it would be a nice gesture to come home from work with a frozen yogurt topped with fruit in hand (it’s my one craving.) That has yet to happen, but I still have a couple of weeks left.

I later informed him of the idea that I ought to teach Middle Boy or Younger Boy how to paint my toe nails. I received a really fabulous look at that thought. But I didn’t really get an objection. The Pro is that someone else could help me paint my nails … for free. The Con is that it would probably look about as good as if I had tried it myself … or worse.

Maybe I’ll just try to save up for a trip to the salon. But it’s not a completely bad idea. Right?

I Get The Good Stuff

Younger Boy started his pre-Kindergarten prep camp this week. It’s two weeks long but this is his first taste of a school-like setting and he gets to play and do stuff with kids his own age.

His teacher told me that he has been one of the happiest children there and always sings the loudest and is always just so excited and happy to do things. I told her that he’s been asking me for about a year and a half now when he gets to go to school so he’s just so happy to be able to have something of his own.

He’s so excited that on Tuesday when his school was cancelled for the day (a body was discovered in the park next door) that the poor child about cried. I felt horrible, even though I know it wasn’t my fault. I didn’t dump the body there, geesh.

Yesterday though it hit me … I may not be his “mommy” but I sure as heck get to enjoy the little things by being his “mom.” I was the one who got to see his face light up with excitement when I picked him up because he was just so excited to tell me about his day and about all the thins he did. I’m also the one who gets to hold his hand and be a part of this new chapter of his life where he starts school in the fall. And I’m the one who got to be a part of all this preparation for him to start school in the fall.

Sometimes I get hung up on the lack of child-mother bond with the boys. Or sometimes I get hung up on the fact that I’m not their birth mother. So I’m trying to really soak in all the good stuff that I do get to be a part of. And I try to give myself credit because a lot of this good stuff wouldn’t be happening without me being a part of their lives…mainly because a lot of it didn’t start happening until I became a part of their lives.

I also remind myself that she might always be their "mommy" but she has continuously made the choice not to be their "mom." And that I'm the one who has continuously, despite the nasty moments, made the choice to be the one that is here for them, to nurture them, to help guide them and love them and experience life with them. I get to be the difference in their lives. And isn't that what all people want? To make a difference in at least one person's life in a lifetime?

And I think that’s really something to be proud of and thankful for.

Baby Update: I’m at 29 weeks now, and so many people keep telling me that I look like I’m going to have this baby in August instead of in September. Which I promise I don’t mind the baby coming early I just would hope it would be a health 2-3 weeks early instead of a whole month early. I do know that I wish the little blossom would stop wedging her foot underneath my ribcage. She also really enjoys kicking me on the right side of my rib cage. I’ve been joking that she’s trying to get hers in now…it makes sense to me. Ha ha.

Karma Comes Back Around

Hello everyone. My name is Crys, and I have a pretween. What is a pretween you may ask. Well, it’s that age range from about 9-11 years of age. You know, before the child is a tween. The very, very beginning of tweendomhood. I could only assume it’s like a toddler learning to walk. The child takes one step to feel it out, then another step and another and then the child falls flat on his or her padded diapered butt. And the child looks to see his or her mother’s reaction. If it’s a look of horror the child cries, if it’s “eh, you’ll be fine” then the child may push back up onto wobbly feet and try again.

Except with a pretween it’s not learning to walk. Its learning how to have an attitude with ones’ parents and seeing just how much of an attitude can be flung. It’s desperately trying to break free from the stigma of being a *gasp* “child.” Its wanting to be old enough to be left home alone, yet without considering the responsibility of having to be responsible when you’re left home alone. It’s also when the child is still oh so very unsure of what is going on and may want to leave a bit of a grip on childhood (without claiming to it) because responsibility is scary.

At least this is what I’ve observed with Older Boy. Earlier last year (around his ninth birthday) Older Boy informed me that he doesn’t like playing with toys. I told him “OK.” He wanted books, clothes, money or gift cards. I tried to spread the word but unfortunately only a few people got the memo. Same thing around Christmas. Some people thought they were being clever by getting him more older kid toys (like a magic set). However, Older Boy put focus into such toys for about a day to a week and then he was done with it.

My mom discovered that drawing supplies were the next way to go with him. Yet, it possible to receive too many sketch pads when you’re a growing and active boy. This past couple of months I’ve observed him testing the waters with responses like “Whatever” and “I don’t care” and “Sup.” The day I heard him greet his grandma over the phone with a “Sup” was the day that it dawned on me that “Oh no, he’s becoming a pretween.”

It was around his tenth birthday a couple months ago that I noticed that it wasn’t just him, but that his other 9-10 year old friends also had the same water-testing “I don’t care” attitudes. Sometimes they just didn’t care and other times they had to revert back to the unsure “Ask your mom … Ask your dad ….” I’m pretty sure I heard “Welcome to the Jungle” playing in the background that day.

I already informed Older Boy that if I ever ask him to make a choice about something and he answers with an "I don't care," then I'm going to make the choice for him and I'm NOT going to care about what he thinks of that choice. He has since then not replied with an "I don't care." If only my mom had said that to me she may have saved herself a few headaches.

I think that I ought to be paid a stipend to deal with the child transition from child to pretween. And then maybe double it for the tween to teenager stage. I’ve only been doing this instant mom thing for almost 2 years and at the moment I can’t have a good stiff drink to cope at the moment. First it was the potty training, then it was the learning to read/write tantrums, then it was being pregnant and now it’s living with a pretween. I’m learning that this having kids stuff means that life will always be interesting. And that having other people’s children makes life never, ever boring.

My mom posted on her Facebook wall a copy and paste meme about “Daughters Week” or something like that and “Post this to show how much you love your daughters.” My mom posted a photo of us and wrote “These are my two most amazing blessings!!!! My life would be so boring if I didn't have them in my life!!! I am so grateful for these two beautiful and independent girls!!”

I’ve also concluded that karma comes around for all kinds of actions. And that your kids’ actions might have something to do with the karma you deserve for your actions as a kid. And that sometimes in life, you get to deal with the karma of other people who decide that being a parent is too much work.

I’m hoping that karma from my childhood will be nice to me since I’ve decided that other people’s children are too wonderful of an opportunity to pass up.

Preggo Update: I’m at 28 weeks this week. Hello third trimester. And hello swollen feet and “everything” gives me heartburn. I was most disappointed to find out that a handful of Raisinettes was actually the devil in disguise. I’m hanging in there though! It’s just around the corner!

Kind of Irked Me

I’m aware that when people say things to me they’re sometimes trying to be encouraging or positive. However, sometimes when people say things to me it really just irks me. I’ve learned to try and view it with a “Don’t take it personal” attitude. It’s not even that I’m all that sensitive, especially as I’m probably the one who generally is offending to others who are used to my blunt and honest disposition on things.

Ever since we found out that I was pregnant there have been little things said to me in terms of “Now you finally get to be a mother.”

Now, I’m aware that I’ve yet to experience childbirth or a baby of my own. I’m fully aware that there is something missing between myself and the boys since I am not their birth mother. However, since moving in I promise I have not totally been denied the experience of being a mother.

It’s mainly my mother-in-law and some other family members who have said such things. It always catches me off guard and I have to really bite my tongue with the response I want to sling out.

For example, a month or two ago my mother-in-law told me that I’ll finally get to celebrate my first real Mother’s Day. It really irked me. I’m aware she meant it as a mother who has given birth to a child of my own. However, I’ve celebrated a real Mother’s Day. I got the homemade card that was made at school and I swallowed the tears and joy that came with it. I’ve had the opportunity of being able to help see a child excel and grow both physically and intellectually. It’s amazing…that joy and pride you feel when you see a child growing and you know you had something to do with that.

It’s just become kind of obvious to me that now that I’m pregnant with a child that some people have this view that now I’m a real mother. Thank goodness for people like my own mother and sister who realize that I was already a mother before I got pregnant. Not that I need anyone else to validate my worth as a stepmother to the boys, but it’s nice to be recognized. It’s also nice to have family members that treat your new family as if they’ve always been there and not like a stranger still feeling their ways around the formalities.

As I mentioned, I’ve taken to the attitude to not take it personally and to just go with the flow. But I guess it’s just one of those things that stepmoms get to deal with.

It kind of goes with the frustration of wanting to scream out “You try diving in to an already made family, learning to spend all of your paycheck, time and effort on three kids that aren’t yours and you tell me how sane and appreciated you feel!” Maybe I can put that on a giant wine goblet for those rough days.

Baby Update: Going on 19 weeks on Wednesday. Everything in the ultrasound looked good. Good heart beat, all four heart chambers developed, all the good stuff. Now that we know it’s a girl we’re all really excited. My aunt had already started buying girl stuff before we found out so we informed her that she could be at ease that she was right.

I’m Here! I’m Here!

I realized today that it has been weeks since I’ve updated. I finally have a break so here I am with a rambling update.

Can I tell you that having a very sick FH in bed while I tend to the house chores that he usually does, taking care of the boys and trying to grow a baby are all very exhausting when done at the same time. I think last week has by far been the longest week ever.

It all started last Saturday when Older Boy had his first ever slumber party to celebrate his 10th birthday. I learned that I have no idea what 10-year-old boys enjoy doing to entertain themselves. Apparently video games, board games and movies did just fine though.

I also learned that apparently it’s at 10 years of age that the infamous and indifferent “I Don’t Care” and “I Don’t Know” start to show their ugly heads. I noticed Older Boy started with the “I Don’t Care” probably about two weeks or so ago. I had to think back to when “I Don’t Care” reared it’s ugly head when I was younger. It was about this age.

And my thoughts were confirmed by all three of the 4th grade boys that came to our house.

The smart thing we did was send Middle Boy and Younger Boy to my parents’ house. The dumb thing we did was actually expect the fourth graders to keep somewhat quiet when it got too late. I was awoken around 1am by high pitched giggling. Luckily FH got to be the parent that got up and told them to go to bed. Thank goodness because I was exhausted and cranky and likely to snap.

Then FH got a nasty, painful, energy zapping sinus infection. Luckily we got him some antibiotics; unluckily it was almost a week later (this last Saturday) so we both got drained – He from his illness and I from trying to do everything while pregnant.

I am currently being rewarded though. FH and the boys are off camping this week. That means that Nasty Cat and I have the house to ourselves. The quiet is nice and I’ve been able to sleep and relax. Although I do miss them, it’s really nice to get some time to myself to recharge and catch up.

Baby Update: As of Wednesday, April 7th I’ll be 15 weeks in my pregnancy. The all-day-morning sickness has been traded in for nasty headaches. I guess I’d rather get a nasty headache once in a while though compared to feeling sick to my stomach every day all day. I'm still waiting for the moment that I just might enjoy being pregnant like so many of my friends. However, I'm not ashamed to say that I'm maybe a part of that other group that does not enjoy it. Because I honestly am not enjoying it. But, I'm excited and happy as the weeks go on.

Trying To Relax

It’s no lie that I lead a high-stress life. At work I handle customer service with pet owners and multiple projects daily. At home I have my instant family. And now in life my body is 100% of the time working to create a baby and I have to make sure to eat the right things, get enough sleep and not over do it. Needless to say I am also a Type A personality. (I should probably add a + or 2 after that “A” there.)

So my mother comes over this weekend and she and FH get into how stress can reflect on the baby’s personality and temperament. Great! Let’s add some more things to stress me out. So I’ve been working on a few ways to not stress or to at least calm myself more. Which isn’t easy.

Luckily Jane has been on best behavior as of late. By that I mean she has actually kept her dinner dates with the boys the last month or so and is actually sticking to the holiday agreement that she gets the boys for the weekend this Easter. (I’m secretly hoping this means we can start sending them over there for the weekends again.)

However, Middle Boy and Younger Boy have not been on best behavior. In order to deal with this I’ve been trying to let FH go in there and lay down the law of the land. However, apparently I’m the big boss in the house so I only try to intervene when it gets crazy hair pulling out of control. (That’s a great blog I’ll save for later too.) But I’m hoping that they’ll start to show a bit more respect for FH when he’s being the authorative parent. Personally I think he just needs to just be more consistent in stepping in.

Back to me, I’ve found that the Winnie-The-Pooh movie, classical music, baby lullabies, ice cream and chocolate pudding cups are my best means of relaxing – And of course catching any moment of quiet that I can.

I’m curious to see what types of things you’ve found to help yourself relax from the crazy stepmomma or momma life. I know it’s only going to get more crazy once the baby is born but I figure now is a good time as any to start practicing ways to relax and recharge.

BTW – I’ll be 13 weeks on Wednesday. Yay for the recent decrease in morning sickness as the second trimester creeps into the picture!

Eleven Weeks

Eleven Weeks – that is how far along I am in my pregnancy.

I’m still trying to grasp it although seeing the ultrasound made it more real for me. I’m a mix of emotions. I’m excited, and terrified, and flat out amazed. I’m also hating on the first trimester. Morning sickness blows, and if I don’t eat something small every 30-40 minutes I feel nauseous.

I’m also exhausted. As excited as I am, I really was looking forward to some downtime between the wedding and getting to be a wife. It still seems weird calling FH my husband in casual conversation. It sounds almost unbelievable telling everyone that I’m pregnant. It was quite a surprise that not even a week after the wedding I’m peeing on a stick that is telling me I’m pregnant. Not just pregnant, but six or so weeks pregnant.

But that is life, and we’re going to open our next chapter with open arms.

If anything the boys are very, very excited. I’m not sure how involved they got to be in Jane’s last pregnancy. But we’ve been having them take part in helping me out now. I’m glad that they’re as excited as they are. It’s helping me adjust to it all much easier.

Older Boy has taken on the duty of litter box patrol. It’s been great because he hasn’t complained about it and he does it every night as if he’s been doing it for years.

Younger Boy and Middle Boy actually got to be there for the first ultra sound. We made sure there was a heart beat before we brought them and FH in, but they were really excited and fascinated by the experience. We’re hoping that Older Boy will be able to accompany us one of these times once summer comes.

So here he or she is!