Well, I’m glad to say that we’re moved out of the old apartment and are in the nice bigger townhouse. It’s not the permanent place, but it’s more fitting. Older Boy now has his own room which is a big deal. Middle Boy and Younger Boy are sharing a room and will just have to work harder on getting along. And the baby will have her own little nook in the master bedroom with us. She even has her own closet which is already full of clothes, blankets and diapers.
Can I also tell you that at 34 weeks I’m so ready to have this baby? I’ve been trying so hard to be patient because all I want is to have her already and get it over with. I’ve also been trying hard not to think too much about the whole birthing process that is in the very near future. Gah!
August has been crazy busy which is probably how it passed by so fast. It’s also been a relaxing time because the kiddos have been at one place or another. This week Older Boy and Middle Boy are staying with Jane for the week and we have Younger Boy here with us. He spent a weekend with Middle Boy at her home the first weekend of the month.
I’m feeling a little guilty because I don’t have a longing, missing feeling for them. I know that FH misses them like crazy. But I’m currently enjoying the quiet and less chaotic times. I’ve also been feeling rather disconnected from the boys. Even with Younger Boy I’ve felt disconnected lately and have been working on feeling that attachment to him again.
I’m not sure why. I think it might be a combination of being pregnant, them being gone, the looming reality that life is about to get even more chaotic, and me really enjoying some peace and quiet work days.
I guess that’s just the life of a stepmother though. I don’t care for them any less. I don’t love them any less. I don’t desire or wish the best for them any less. I also don’t loath them coming back. I’m just not missing their presence at the moment. It’s a sort of limbo … or perhaps it’s my way of trying to cope with the reality that more huge change is on the way.
I honestly look forward to a day when perhaps life will be a little more set and not so many new, big changes are happening all at once. I know change is unavoidable, but this is A LOT of BIG change happening all at the same time.
5 comments:
This reminds me of that song "Waiting For My Real Life To Begin."
I think we all feel that way most of the time, like life hasn't really started yet or like we're in the middle of really big changes. What I am finding, 10 months into motherhood, is that life seems to be one series of changes after another. It doesn't appear to turn into what I always thought it was going to be: the same thing every day.
Maybe that's a good thing?
Anyway--it's totally okay to enjoy your peace and quiet... maybe just don't let the boys know QUITE how much you enjoyed it ;)
Are you kidding me? Don’t feel even a little bit of guilt! You work ridiculously hard, you’re allowed to have some quiet relaxing time to yourself. Enjoy it – you certainly won’t have any down time once the baby is here!
I know exactly how you feel. My stepson is staying with his mother for a week beginning on Saturday (which is the longest visit he's had with her for a year), and though I'll miss him and I'm not happy about the type of environment his mother provides, I'm so excited to have a week alone. It's almost like a vacation. Well I guess a vacay where I still have to go to work, but hubby and I can have each other in the afternoons. Enjoy this time and don't you dare feel guilty!
Don't feel guilty! You deserve a little bit of low key time before the baby comes! And of course DH misses his kids... but on the other hand he isn't home with them all day either!
Enjoy the time and relax!
Don't feel guilty. When you are pregnant ANY break is welcome!
Post a Comment