She Actually Made A Decision

I really should know better then to be disappointed in Jane’s decisions. Thursday is her day with them. Well, yesterday morning I found out that my almost nephew was having a birthday party later that evening. My fiancé called me up to let me know. I thought the best course of action might be to see if Jane might be willing to drive out here earlier and have an early dinner with the boys and then we could pick them up a little later. She would still get the same amount of hours with them, and I was kind of hoping that by making her come out here she would be forced to actually pay attention to them.

Basically I didn’t want to call in a big favor to her. I didn’t want to give her the opportunity to later down the road say “You didn’t give me the chance to see my boys.” I also wanted to make her make a decision herself without referring to her favorite “It’s up to the boys.” I wanted her to be an adult.

She didn’t exactly take my bait at all. Instead she took the easy way out. She decided that she didn’t need to see the boys that day. I didn’t know if she thought she was doing them some really grand gesture by not seeing them or what. But it disappointed me that she didn’t to put effort to see them. It’s not like we live too far apart. And the traffic from there to here is much less hectic than the traffic from here to there. She just makes me so mad that she makes no effort to be a part of their lives. What the hell does she think she’s doing? She’s not doing them any favors with her actions. She really isn’t.

I’ve stopped telling the boys which days they’re supposed to see her now. We have the calendar that she signed, and they know that they’ll get to go and visit her. But I’m just so tired of having to find some nice way to tell them when she decides not to see them. I don’t enjoy getting their hopes up only to tell them later that “No, Jane decided that she can’t see you today.”

Man she makes me mad. Doesn’t she care that she’s hurting their feelings? That she makes them feel like crap? I can’t even imagine what it is that they’re thinking. I think that Older Boy is the only one who has really grasped that “My mom doesn’t give a damn about me.” You can tell by the look on his face when we have to sugar up whatever excuse she gave us about why she can’t see them this week. When they do find out that they’re going to see her they start brainstorming all the latest accomplishments and achievements they’ve done that they can share with her. I seriously hope that she at least pretends to be excited for them. Because she’s rather indifferent and seems to not give a damn about any of it when FH gives her an update of what the boys have been up to. Not that I want her to lie and put on a false face for them, but she could at least try to want to be involved and care about what they care about.

I almost wish that she had just said “No, I’d like to see my sons today.” Then we could have just brought them to her house, and it would have sucked that they would have missed their cousin’s birthday but they didn’t know about it anyway. Instead, they just knew that they were going to their cousin’s birthday and had no clue that they were supposed to see Jane.

It’s rather confusing and frustrating to me. I don’t enjoy keeping things from the boys. I’d like to be able to confidently say “Yes you’re going to go see Jane today” or “Yes you’re going to your cousin’s birthday party tomorrow” or even “You’re going to see Jane and then we’re going to get you and go to your cousin’s birthday.” But I don’t know what else to do. I’ve seen them disappointed and let down so many times already. I guess I should be happy that she at least made a decision and didn’t try to phone it in and leave it up to the boys. Right?