I have been extremely busy, and it’s exhausting. We had three birthdays to celebrate this past week. Middle Boy’s, my fiance’s and mine all fell in a nice little row. The boys went to Jane’s for the weekend, so my fiancé and I decided that we were going to have a party. More I decided and he thought it would be fun. So one of our friends came over and made carne asada, I made some tasty finger foods and a birthday rum cake for the two of us, and whipped up a bowl of my champagne punch.
Well, in addition to our one friend that was already there, only one other friend came over. His best man at least left a Facebook message that he wouldn’t’ be able to come, and our other reliable friend did note that he “Might not be able to make it” on the Evite I sent out. Can I just express my disappointment in the friends we have up here?
I have never, and I mean NEVER has such flaky friends before in my life. In So Cal I threw parties quite often, and my friends always showed up. It might have been the same 4 to 6 people all the time, but they came when they said they would. And, if they couldn’t make it they would let me know.
Is it because we have kids? Have a developed a stigma now that I have kids I’ve been written off the fun list? I don’t think it’s quite this, although we did mention it was a “kid-free” party. Only a couple of our friends have kids, but I still sent them an invite so they’d feel the love. Maybe the people of Nor Cal just don’t party the way that we did in So Cal? Although I totally remember my parents throwing parties when I was a kid and the house was always packed. Maybe it was because it was the '80s.
I’ve decided that I need to make new friends. All the friends I have up here are from Elementary school and high school. Some have gone their own ways but, have kept in touch and some of them we are better friends with now then we were back then. But all in all, I’ve decided that I need new friends.
I’m a social butterfly. I crazy, need, want, yearn for socializing with others. Working at home has killed a good majority of the opportunity to socialize. The other part of it is taken up by taking care of a family now. And the other opportunity to socialize is with family (whom I love, but really would love to socialize with others that aren’t family) and these friends I already have.
I’ve decided to look into some evening classes or workshops. I’ve entertained finding a good cake decorating class since I’ve become, as some of my better friends have dubbed me, Ms. Ace of Cakes. I hand-crafted a pokemon cake for Middle Boy’s Birthday cake and I did a Thomas & Friends cake for Younger Boy’s birthday. All with buttercream frosting and cake decorating paintbrushes (Except for the Thomas on Younger Boy’s cake. Thank goodness Thomas is still cool enough to have cake decorations out. Pokemon – not so much.)
Back to my vent, I’m going to do something about this instead of just sit around whining, crying and missing having friends – reliable friends. I refuse to believe that I cannot have a life because I have kids. I refuse to change and skew my comfort level that much. This is a big part of who I am. I feel like a firefly in a jar right now.
Do any of you do anything on the side to make new friends or do you take time to go out with friends?
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5 comments:
ugh! i feel your pain! Many of my friends are still single/dating and childless. They tend to not think that i may need more than 20 minutes notice that they are hitting the town. The friends i have acquired that are family people are just as busy as i and may qualify as an Olympic event schedule a get together with those friends. I used to get really upset and have a "i have no friends" temper tantrum. But now i seem to have reached a point where i realize it's hard to get together and that just makes me cherish the times i do. And i make it a point now to SCHEDULE stuff. My friends might now be capable of scheduling in advance but i sure can so if i want to do something i'll call everyone and set something up with enough time that i know I can be there! And i have been told by my childless friends that they don't want to "bother" me so they tend to not call...so i've told them i'd rather they call every opportunity because they have better odds of catching me at a moment when i could do something if they call often.
I think you did a great job at articulating exactly how we've all felt at one time or another.
I do think that kids change the dynamics of our friendships, but not necessarily in a bad.
Keep in mind that the holidays are busy for everyone, and there is also a big difference in attitudes between NoCal and SoCal.
Chin up, Dolly. It will get better.
If not, I propose a Quasi-Step-Mom Get to Gether.
I finally had to break down and create an account so I could post on your blogs. I just wanted to say that I can't wait to see you Friday to do a belated celebration of your b-day!
I also want to say, that I'm not sure about the attitudes of NorCal vs. SoCal being a factor. I think some people, no matter where they're from or live, are just more flaky than others. And the older we get, the more everyone gets put, or elects to put, on their plate. Take it in stride. It'll get better!
I have friends who can be flaky like that too. It's so annoying because when I throw parties I like to anticipate who will show up... but I've given up on the fact that people actually respond to invites any more. Nothing wrong with expanding your social circle... I'm not sure if your into running, but I've found runners to be extremely accepting, social crowds. I joined a running club here and it saved me from my anti-social misery.
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