Toddler Fixations

From experience I knew that children could do some really nutty things. I mean, come on, I found out pretty early on while babysitting this lovely little princess that THERE IS a WRONG WAY to CUT a PB&J sandwich. So coming into my current living situation with my future hubby and the boys I thought I was pretty prepared.

Well, Younger Boy has shown me that you can never be too prepared for anything. The latest? Oh you’ll love this, I guarantee you’ll love this. Younger Boy has entered what the wonderful Sigmund Freud has labeled the Oral Stage. I came across this discovery a couple of weeks ago while we were waiting for Middle Boy to get out of Kindergarten.

We were standing outside his class with the other parents, leaning up against some metal pole bars/ledges. I look down to find Younger Boy licking the pole. I’m not talking like a cat licking its paw here – I’m talking like a dog licking its behind. That boy was going to town. He swished it this way, and that way – he slathered that thing up good by the time I looked down and registered what he was doing.

I cupped his chin and looked at him, trying hard not to show the disgust in my expression.

Me: Don’t lick that. It’s dirty and it has dirty germs that can make you sick. OK?
YB: OK *in a forlorn sad voice*

I glance to my left to find one of the mothers just looking at us. She had a blank “WTF” look on her face. I almost snapped, “What, haven’t you ever seen a kid licking a pole before?” But my humor got the best of me, so I said, “Well, at least it wasn’t frozen.” This warranted a chuckle after a few minutes. (I guess she hadn’t watched “A Christmas Story” all day long on TBS this year.)

We’ll that little booger struck again. We were all at Trader Joes in the frozen foods aisle checking out the fish in stock. Once again, I peer down and find Younger Boys running his tongue across the edge of the freezer ledge. I’m talking some crisp left and right, left and right formation here. This time I took his chin in my hand and maneuvered his head so that he was looking at me. His tongue was still stuck out mid-lick as I looked into his eyes.

Me: Don’t lick things outside *pause as I realize I’ve just set myself up with a prepositional tone of voice and need to think of something on the fly* and that aren’t lollipops. OK?
YB: *Tongue still sticking out* Oh-tay

I glance behind me at my fiancé to see what he thought of my smooth play of words there. He shook his head in approval with a “Good Save” nod. I can only imagine what that boy has explored with his oral fixation in our house.

Which brings me to the other fixation he has been actively participating in, I like to call it the Feline Fixation. And by that I mean the boy believes he’s a cat. I feel kind of sorry for the cats. Fat Cat (is a tuxedo female) and Nasty Cat (he’s pictured in my profile) are both really gentle and good when it comes to the boys. But lately, specifically Nasty Cat, has looked at Younger Boy with a “What is he going to do to me now” glance. And it’s not necessarily that he’s doing anything to them, but more trying to be one of them and the cats just aren’t buying it.

Feline Fixation Occurrence 1
This has actually happened more than once, but it still leaves me laughing in disbelief and shuddering at the nastiness. Younger Boy was following Nasty Cat around – crawling on all fours like a cat and saying “meow” here and there in between laughing and beckoning to Nasty Cat. Nasty Cat was doing his best to pretend there was not a three year old behind him.

Set up – my cats are spoiled. They have a fountain, and not just a fountain it’s the dome. The dome that pumps the water through a filter and up and out over the dome, it happens to the best of us cat owners I think. Anyway, I heard the silence, which following a bought of meowing can never be that good. I turn the corner to find Nasty Cat and Younger Boy at the cat fountain. Younger Boy was on all fours, head down, tongue out and lapping up the water coming out over the dome. Nasty Cat was staring at him like ‘WTF man? That is mine!”

Feline Fixation Occurrence 2
Younger Boy was once again, crawling and meowing like a cat. This time he was following Fat Cat around. We have one of those little cat trees with a tunnel in it, and it happened to be sitting by me. Well, Fat Cat planned her escape by running through the tunnel. She totally thought she had outsmarted him, and of course I almost took in a breath of relief. That was until I noticed that Younger Boy wasn’t going to stop. He had just started to push his giant 3-year-old head into the tunnel when I jumped into action. I pushed my hand through the other side of the tunnel and pushed his head out. I was really afraid that his head was going to get stuck. He looked at me with this pissed off look as if I had just taken a big fat chocolate cookie out of his hand.

Me: Younger Boy, you are not a cat. You can pretend to be a cat and you can play cats. But, you are not a cat. You can not play with the cat’s toys, you play with your boy toys. You do not drink out of the cat fountain; you drink out of a cup. And you do not eat the cat food *oh yes, that’s a whole other occurrence* you eat people food. OK?
YB: Meow!

Oh boy… what next?