Choosing A Consequence

I like to think that I’ve come a long way when it comes to getting upset with the boys’ behavior. I may still raise my voice when I’ve discovered they’re doing something undesirable, but I’m learning to raise my voice to inform them they’re doing something undesirable, walking away to calm down for a bit and then coming back to talk to them about it.

Since I’m the one that’s home all day (working from home has its pros and cons) I’m the one that usually gets to encounter these issues. But, it’s really nice when FH is home and we can handle them together. I was so proud of us I thought I’d share a recent experience.

Younger Boy and Middle Boy have this habit of not staying on task. Which I guess is a habit for a lot of people, including myself sometimes. But when we ask them to clean up their room or to put their clothes away we expect them to do so. We’ve found many an occasion though where it takes them an hour or longer to do the task because instead of doing what they’re supposed to be doing they play around until they notice one of us peeking around the corner and then they jump back to what they’re supposed to be doing.

Well, I’d finally had it one day. I caught them playing with toys twice instead of putting their clothes away. I went in pretty hot-headed and informed them that I was most disappointed and angry that they were playing around instead of putting their clothes away. The raised voice sure let them know that I wasn’t joking around and they immediately got quiet and started putting their clothes away.

I asked FH his thoughts on letting them choose their own consequences of either “no TV” or “Go to bed early” for three days. He thought it was a pretty good idea. When they were done, and I had cooled off I called them into the room. In a calmer voice I re-said the bit about why we were upset with them not doing what they’re supposed to do. Then I let them know that they would get to choose their own consequence.

FH and I were fairly surprised with their choices. Middle Boy chose “no TV” and Younger Boy chose to “go to bed early.” And they behaved for the most part the rest of the day.

I’ll have to keep an eye out on whether they stay on task since, but I think letting them choose their own consequence was a good move. If anything it seemed to be better well accepted by both boys.