Hello 2010

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.
- Anonymous

I’ve had a hard time trying to find something to write about lately. First I was sick, and then things just started piling up. And here I am at almost 3 in the AM – and awake.

Some of you may remember that instead of resolutions I more find a mantra to follow for the year. Well, 2010 is a huge year for me and I’m already feeling it. The truth of where I’ve been is stressed out and panicking. I’m supposed to be getting married next month and I don’t know how we’re going to pay for the wedding. It’s a little hard to get all of the finishing touches going when you know you don’t have the money.

I’ve been trying to qualify for a loan. However, apparently I just don’t make enough money. I don’t make enough money at my job for the credit union to feel comfortable enough to loan me money. Basically, between college and having to be an adult and do things for myself and now having to be an instant parent and provide for children I have debt. And between what I make and the payments I’m supposed to be making (even though they’re counting things I don’t pay) I just about break even and so on their paperwork I don’t have any extra money to pay them back.

We’ve been scrambling. I’ve been scrambling to find a second job that I can handle and not completely overwhelm myself with. FH has been trying to find extra money from his paychecks to give me so I can try to pay off my debt. So please send a good thought my way that I’ve managed to pay off enough to qualify for a loan.

I called the wedding venue place that is basically the whole she-bang. They handle the ceremony, the reception, the cake, the dj, the catering, the set up, the clean up. They’re a great package. And we’ve got a great discount. But with three kids we pay for full time, and trying to pay off our debt we just haven’t been able to save up enough. Anyway, I called them to find out my options. And I got lectured about how maybe we shouldn’t have tried to plan something that we couldn’t afford.

Well, a year ago we totally thought we could save up the money. We really did. And I didn’t want to go get hitched for cheap in Reno or Tahoe or Vegas. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it’s just I wanted a nice little intimate wedding. I figured that since I was trading in my hopes and dreams of this dream life I wasn’t getting I could at least get my small intimate wedding … right?

So here I am. Awake because I’m stressed and am trying so hard to be positive that this is all going to pull through last minute. And I’m frustrated because I’ve come to the realization that I’ve kind of lost my way. Back to the top – I’ve been trying to find a mantra for this year. What is 2010 going to be for me?

At first I thought it was going to be the Year of Tranquil Transitions. I thought just maybe if I thought about how I was going to spend the year calmly and patiently going through these crazy new transitions that it would maybe just happen; except these first few weeks have been anything but tranquil. And the reality keeps hitting me of the new transitions I’m about to go through. All of this – wife, instant mother, daughter-in-law, etc. is about to all become official.

It’s a bit frightening when you’re finally looking it in the face. So I think that 2010 is going to be the Year of Recreating Myself. I say “recreate” because every time I think I’ve “found” myself something happens and I find myself having to “find” myself all over again.

So here’s the breakdown:

2006 – The Year To Take Risks
2007 – The Year To Take Smart Risks
2008 – The Year To Be Optimistic and Think Positively
2009 – The Year Of Being A Positive Influence
2010 – The Year of Recreating Myself

And some of the few things bringing me peace are the thoughts that I’m not the only one who has found herself in this position. I can only assume that hundreds of instant parents have had to recreate themselves too. And that I will get past these hurdles. I know deep down that I’m much stronger than I give myself credit for.

Now I have to remember to believe in it over just saying it to myself.

Out Sick and A Scary Experience

Hi everyone. I have been out sick all week. I assume it has something to do with the kids being sick, and the kids spending extra time over in the nasty house and bringing germs home. Being around tons of people for the holidays and getting worn out going all over the place for the holidays.

It’s definitely the flu. And it sucks. FH used a sick day yesterday to help take care of me. Today he had to go back to work, and I’m on the mend but not totally better. Keep your fingers crossed that the boys remember I’m sick and are nice to me today because all three of them are still here on winter break from school.

I have one new experience to share though from this week. It was terrifying.

On Sunday FH dropped off Older Boy and Younger Boy for Jane. Middle Boy was sick so he stayed home. FH also had Jane sign the latest visiting schedule which stated that he would be picking the boys up the next day, Monday, at 8pm at Jolie’s (her mom).

Well, Monday night came and FH left for Jolie’s. Around 8:40pm he called me because Jane wasn’t there. Jane wasn’t answering her cell phone and her boyfriend’s phone was turned off. Both Jolie and Jane’s aunt tried calling her also and both were unable to get through. I tried calling Jane’s sister and she hadn’t heard anything from her either.

Jolie offered FH to call him if Jane came by later or if she dropped them off in the morning. I’m not sure what either of you would have done but I was on the edge of freak out. I told FH that I would prefer that he drive to Jane’s house just to make sure.

In my mind I had three options going on:
1. She’d skipped town with the kids.
2. She hit her head and was lying unconscious on the ground of her home.
3. She had forgotten, and she wasn’t answering because she has this habit of losing her phone.

FH called me about a half hour later to report that the latter was correct. Jane had forgotten she was supposed to drop them off and had apparently left her phone in a location that she could not hear it ringing.

I don’t think I need to mention how pissed FH was. He was good though and didn’t freak out in front of the boys. But we did make a note of the incident in her binder where we keep all of the notes and signed calendars.

It was oh so very scary not knowing where the boys were. But I’m glad that it turned out OK in the end. Here’s to hoping we don’t have to experience that again, and that none of you have to experience it.

So I Wrinkled My Nose

Remember the great lengths Jane went to with the lies and manipulation attempts to make sure the boys were with her for Christmas (all day) for her aunt who has leukemia but has currently been in remission for the past year?

Well, we asked her which days she would like the boys over their winter break. You know, since they’re not in school for two weeks. She didn’t want them any extra days outside of her once-a-week day with them.

So despite the fact that the boys are available for days of overnight visiting – they’re going to see her 7pm Sunday night until 8pm Monday night both weeks of their winter break … with the exception of Christmas Eve evening to the morning of that following Saturday.

I guess all day Christmas Day kind of evens it out. But I’m not going to lie. My irritation this time has some selfish fueling in wanting to have some quiet work days without three children doing the children things they do. Trust me when I say it’s much easier to do my job when there isn’t fighting and arguing and crying occurring. But, considering I survived summer vacation I guess I can make it through winter break especially since they’re both short work weeks.

When FH told me she didn’t want any extra days with them I could have gotten all angry and frustrated. But no, I merely wrinkled my nose in slight disgust. I touched upon how interesting it was that she was all hot heated because she wasn’t getting her 40% of the time and here she was not even trying to get them any of the extra days when there wasn’t someone else benefiting from the boys presence (her aunt for Christmas and her son for the birthday party) and dismissed it with a “Whatever. Her loss.”

That’s big progress on my end on keeping my anger and frustration under control ... in my opinion.

I hope you all have a fun and happy holiday season with your families!

Actions Cause Reactions

My Editorial Directior had a post it on her desk that said “Actions Cause Reactions.” It had become my mantra almost two years ago when I had first noticed it. It helped when it came to dealing with a lot of difficult people both in and out of the workplace. It has continued to be my mantra into my new life as an instant mother in a new family.

I’ve decided to look at “this” in a whole new light.

First off – I’ve concluded that I got so heated because Jane lied and tried to manipulate. There’s nothing I dislike more than a liar and a manipulator. Generally I cut those types of people out of my life because I have no room for those types of people. However, considering I signed myself up to participate in the packaged deal – She’s the fine writing at the bottom. Damn – Right?

So that brings me to this other saying I’ve learned throughout life to embrace over the years.

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”
– Maya Angelou

And I’ve come to realize that I can’t change Jane. But I can control how I see and perceive things. So my new perspective on this Christmas is that FH and I will be able to spend our first holiday together with each other.

I’m going to embrace the opportunity to spend a special day with the loving, wonderful man I have given my love and trust to. We will get to spend time with the boys later, and I’m OK with that. But in the mean time I will cherish and take advantage of the opportunity to sit back with FH and a cup of wine and enjoy some time together – Just the two of us (and the cat).

Younger Boy Gets the Last Word

Ever since I’ve found myself spending about 24/7 with Younger Boy I find myself in the strangest arguments. And by the time I’ve realized I’m in the middle of a ridiculous squabble with a pre-schooler he has already put in the last word and won.

YB: What do birds say?
Crys: They say Squawk!
YB: No they don’t!
Crys: Yes they do!
YB: No they don’t! Penguins say Squawk. Birds say Tweet.
Crys: Well, birds can say Squawk too.
YB: Oh.
Crys: Yup
YB: Well, whales make music in the ocean. [Play that one in a Toddler voice Matter-of-fact tone]

I guess that was him having the last word on that because quite honestly, how do you follow up to that?

Let The Holiday Festivities Begin!

This last weekend FH and I decided we should get into the swing of celebrating the holidays. Saturday FH took the two older boys out to pick out a Christmas tree. It’s cute and small and doesn’t overpower our apartment.

Last year we had to get a small tree to put up high on a table because Fat Cat is notorious for trying to climb Christmas trees. This year we got another small tree, but Nasty Cat is the only cat we have to keep an eye on since Fat Cat went back to live with my parents.

In following tradition with last year we brought home ornaments for the boys to decorate. At the moment all of the ornaments we have are the ones that we have made either here as a family or that the boys have made at school. Considering it’s a small tree our homemade ornaments fill it up quite nice. This year we brought home wooden stars for the boys to paint. Then we posted a photo of them from this year and put their name and the year on the back.

We also picked out a new patch for our stockings – Another tradition that we started last year. Since Jane had all of their stockings and my personal stocking is with my parents we thought it might be a nice idea to get new stockings for everyone and to put a patch each year. In my opinion they’re all really cute and I think the boys like being able to help decorate and choose what they would like on theirs. This year I added a sparkly martini glass patch to mine.

And we started one more new tradition. This year we decorated a gingerbread house. When I was little my sister and I would get to help decorate one with my dad and from what I remember it was a lot of fun. The boys hadn’t had the opportunity and both FH and I thought that they’d like to do one. I looked up a couple of recipes and finally decided that it wouldn’t hurt anyone to by a pre-made kit.

So last night the boys all took turns working together to put decorations on the house. It was really nice to see that the three of them were able to take turns and decide upon designs together. It was a refreshing moment from the usual bickering. FH even got in on the action by placing one gum drop on the roof, while I was the mistress of the icing.

Although as much fun as the boys had decorating I think their favorite part was when we were done and I let them lick up some of the frosting that I put on a plate.

Have any of you created any new traditions to do as a new family? I’m curious to see what other things blended families do together to create new holiday traditions.

And some holiday photos for your viewing enjoyment!

Middle Boy painting his ornament:


Our tree:


The finished gingerbread house:


And by popular demand! Stockings!


Last year's patches were the fish. This year he wanted the owl.


And mine! Last years were my purple flowers. This year the sparkly martini glass which FH found for me. I was going to get some ladybugs but FH found the perfect patch!

A Letter Short

I thought I’d send you an update about the progress with Younger Boy and working on Preschool activities at home. We discovered a great kids TV show the other day. It’s called Word World. Basically everything in the world is made of letters – literally made of letters. The dog’s body is made out of the letters d-o-g. We came across it after watching Sesame Street. It was kind of creepy but looked really cute at the same time so I decided it was OK to watch.

I’m pretty glad we did. As soon as the show was done Younger Boy jumped up and ran over to our refrigerator where we have those plastic magnetic alphabet letters. The problem is that we only have one set, but it works great for spelling small words. Younger Boy wanted to spell some of the words we had seen in the show so we spelled “dog” and “web.” He would say the word we were going to spell. Then I would ask him to find each individual letter and we would put them together to form the word.

I’m still trying to figure out just how much he knows. He can sing his alphabet song, but I’m not sure how much of that is memorization and how much is actually knowing. So we went through the alphabet and I had him grab each letter. There were a couple of letters he said he didn’t know so I made a mental note of those. But he did recognize and was able to find a good majority of the letters. I was pretty proud.

And this conversation ended our word spelling activity for the day. Apparently I need a couple more vowel magnets. (My apologies for those that are friends on my facebook page, but it was too precious to pass up.)

*playing with the magnetic letters on the fridge. We only have one set of the alphabet*

YB: How do you spell cat?
Crys: C-A-T
YB: Oh! How do you spell fox?
Crys: F-O-X
YB: How do you spell HBO?
Crys: You spell HBO
YB: H-B-O
Crys: Good Job!
YB: How do you spell pee?
Crys: P?
YB: Yes. How do you spell pee? *does the 'I need to potty' crotch grab*
Crys: P-E .... well. You need another E. But we only have one.
YB. Oh. P-E-E?
Crys: Do you have to go potty?
YB: Yes.
Crys: Then go! You don't need my permission.
YB: ok.