Wishing And Hoping For Jane

I’m Back!!!! Michigan was amazing! And crazy! And oh do I have stories and photos to prove it. I also found that a male gives the best ever pedicures and manicures. Every mom definitely deserves to sit in one of those sweet massage chairs and get pampered once in a while. I was long over due. My mini-vacation was definitely some good quality me-time.

September 15th was my official one year anniversary as an instant mom. Whoa. Where did the time go? I thought about writing a big old reflecting entry, but Jane has messed up that. So instead I will share a couple of random introspective thoughts I had on the plane ride back, and then get the “Wishing and Hoping” out of my system.

After a year of being an instant mom:

*I find that I crave for silence and peace and calm whenever I can get it. Whether that be having my fiancé drop me off at Starbucks so I can sit there at a table surrounded by calm. Sitting in the house petting Nasty Cat while soaking in the quiet and still moment when my fiancé is at work, Younger Boy is napping and Older and Middle Boy are at school. I used to wish for companionship and how I just want some quiet and calm time to myself. Even if it’s just 5 minutes – I’ll take it!

*I find that not giving in to frustration is amazing. As an example: The boys started out wanting T*co B*ll over homemade enchiladas. And now they guzzle up homemade egg drop soup and clam marinara sauce over pasta. And that all happened in less than a year. Who would have thought!

*It feels nice to hear the boys refer to us as “my family.” I lowered my expectations of what to expect from the boys and their acceptance of me and our lives together have soared past it. I about cried at my homemade Mother’s Day photo. And having Middle Boy run up to me to give me a hug when I picked him up from their school and after-school program … it was seriously one of the happiest and vivid moments I’ve ever experienced.

*I’m thankful that I have friends who have been children of divorce who have been more than willing to help give me advice and share their experiences with me. Having parents that have been married for 30 years now doesn’t exactly help me relate to a child of divorce. And although I know that everyone’s experience is different, I take in any education and knowledge that I can get. And I am thankful for the opportunity to gain it.

*I am very thankful for all the support I have had and still have as an instant mom. I’m thankful for my fiancé, my parents, my family, my friends and of course all of you other moms and stepmoms. I know there is still a very long road ahead of me, but being able to make it through this first year helps me feel more secure in my new life. Back in college a friend once told me “Your friends believe in you Crys, But you have to believe in you too.” And I do believe in me, but having others believe in me too has helped a lot when the going gets tough.

Hoping and Wishing
Tonight was one of the nights that we brought the boys over to see Jane. We tried to slip in an extra day for her to spend with the boys this weekend. My fiancé called me up to tell me that the extra Saturday didn’t look like it was going to work because Jane had a meeting for a fish society that she belonged too. Then he told me that she was thinking of maybe bringing the two older boys with her.

Well, first my blood boiled because she was again leaving out Younger Boy. Then my heart rate jumped a notch when I thought about it some more – A fish society meeting as your day to spend with your children? Now I work in the pet industry … with includes exotics like fish. I’ve also been to many other niche related meeting. I’ve sat through a veterinary presentation for small mammals, I’ve sat through a bird behavior presentation, and sorority meetings. I’ve sat through all kinds of editors and internet related meetings. And seriously, a meeting where business is being conducted or a presenter is trying to teach something (unless it's directed for and created for children) is not a place for children. It also isn’t the place to spend quality time with your children, in my opinion at least.

I honestly didn’t know what angered me more; the fact that she was leaving Younger Boy out again or that she wasn’t putting the kids best interest first. Because I can tell you now that unless there is a TV or video game on those two boys cannot sit still and focus on something they have no interest in. Luckily, Jane checked her fish society’s website and found out that the meeting had been rescheduled so all three of the boys get to spend some time with her that day after all.

And here it is. My wishing and hoping are that Jane will get a clue and put her children first one day. It doesn’t have to be tomorrow, it doesn’t even have to be next month. But I just hope that for her sake, and for theirs, that one of these days she’ll put effort into spending a good quality day with them doing stuff with them because she wants to, and not just because she has to.

That is a wish and a hope that I have for her after my first year experience as an instant mom.

My Me-Time Weekend

I had a Me-Weekend this weekend. By Me-Weekend I found time to pamper me.

First though, I am breathing a bit easier. My fiancé brought my visiting suggestions to Jane and she said that they worked for her for this holiday season. I found out that Jane will be going to work again come January, and only has Thursdays off. Allegedly she’s looking for a new job, we’ll see what happens. But this means that she (apparently) can only see the boys on Thursdays. So I had my fiancé ask her if she’d be up for taking the boys out for dinner and spending time with them Thursday after they get out of school. She’s good with this. The gripe: I hope that it will work out because it has bothered me for a while now that there was no organization or regularity to their visits with her. So until she gets a new job, this will work for now. (Although it still bothers me that she can’t try to work it out so that she can spend more days with them, but I cannot make her choices for her so I will not dwell on my frustration with it.)

Back to my Me-Weekend. My fiancé dropped Younger Boy and Middle Boy off at Jane’s, and two of Older Boys friends came to stay the night on Saturday. I went to the salon and got a hair-cut. I’m so pleased! I move so often that just as I find a good salon or day spa, I’m packed and moving again. I discovered a salon and day spa that sells/uses Aveda products happens to be very close by our place! *Squeals and jumps with delight*

I was able to make an appointment online and went in. Not only did I find it, but I really love the hairstylist that did my hair! I told her that I’m looking to grow my hair out for my upcoming wedding in 2010. She was really excited after I told her my fairy tale romance and we found a photo of what I’d like to achieve. I also really appreciated how she worked with my hair and didn’t show one ounce of irritation that we spent two hours trying to get the starting point looking right. So now I will be going in every eight weeks to get my hair trimmed and to keep it in shape for the big day. I’m ever so excited about this! Plus she was very nice, had a fun and sassy attitude, and I must mention again that she took time to work with my hair! Not many stylists have done that. My hair is really fine, but I have a lot of it so it acts as though it’s thick sometimes. It’s also wavy and straight at the same time. In other words, it’s a pain in my rear. So it’s nice to have a hair style now that works with my hair instead of me working against my hair.

Another part of my Me-Weekend was having lunch with my best friend (let’s call her Liz). Liz is actually going to be one of my bridesmaids and is helping my sister (my maid of honor) with all the wedding planning. We don’t get to see each other as I’ve always lived rather far away. We’ll she had a day off on Sunday and we Google Mapped it and we live about an hour and a half apart now. So we hopped in our cars and met for lunch at the Olive Garden. Spending time with my best friend, Wild Berry Daiquiris and delicious pasta really did the trick.

Liz and I brainstormed some possible bachelorette weekend ideas, and debated over the wedding invites I found. It came down to “What am I willing to skimp on” and “What do I really want to spend mucho money on.” Invites just might not be worth it I’ve decided.

I felt kind of bad though because I was supposed to go pick out the Christmas Tree with my fiancé and the boys. But I really, really needed some “Me Time” with my best friend and my fiancé understood. So next time I’m going to bring him with me when I go to have lunch with her because they want to meet each other. And I really would like to introduce them before the wedding.

Anyway, I was able to refresh and recharge a bit. Although I came home to misbehaving boys (as what usually happens after a night over at Jane’s is that Younger and Middle Boy often need reminders of the rules in our house and throwing fits doesn’t get you what you want at our house.) But I’m feeling much better still. I just really need to make an effort to do something nice for myself more often rather than wait until I’m about to explode/or have already exploded. I also want to work on making sure my future hubby and I have some time to ourselves soon too. At least I know I’ll have some “Me-Time” at the salon every eight weeks, and we'll be able to have date night every Thursday starting in January.