I Think It’s Stupid

So I think this is one of those nights where I just need to get the thoughts out in order to let it go.

So for those that are kind of new, Jane had another baby last year with her new guy. The baby’s name is Trevor. And for those that might not know, we have the hardest time getting Jane to actually call us with her days off so that we can arrange the days that the boys will see her. She hardly ever asks for them, and it always feels like we have to force her to see them because she never shows any interest or puts any effort into seeing them.

Back to today, we still don’t have her days off for the next two to three weeks (which is what we get at a time from her the way her current shift manager does the schedule). She likes to leave her phone off, leave her phone behind, not answer her phone or just plain not call back. Even if there is a message left reminder her that we really need to find out the dates or that we have something important to tell her.

And today, something kind of lit up in my head about this week. Tuesday is Trevor’s first birthday party. Two or three weeks ago Jane asked if the boys could come to it. Well, I didn’t think anything of it until today. Because today it occurred to me that Jane didn’t ask for them for any of the holidays. I scheduled time for the boys to see her over the holidays. It occurred to me today that this is the first time really (outside of the occurrence for summer vacation time with the two older boys – here) that she’s actually put effort into asking for them.

To the point, and maybe I’ve worked myself into a fury for nothing, but it occurred to me that she put effort into seeing the boys because it was Trevor’s birthday party.

Am I making sense here?

I’ve gotten rather angry about it. Not super angry that I can’t think past it, but angry enough that I think she’s perhaps done an injustice to the boys. She can’t make the effort to call us with her days off to ensure that she sees them every week. She can’t make the effort to make sure that she can get any time to see them for holidays or their own birthdays. But she can make the effort to make sure that they can come to Trevor’s birthday party?

OK, I’ve said it (well, written it) out loud. So maybe she’ll prove me wrong now so that I can feel like a real bitch. But if still makes me pretty angry.

I’m not going to put any effort into wondering why. However, I am going to let it roll down my back and float away. I’ve come to the realization that in order to let it go I need to really feel the emotion and confront it. And once I’ve done so I can say “Eh, Que Sera Sera.”

So I feel a lot better now that I’ve written it. I’m not stewing over it. I feel lighter.

But I still think it’s stupid that she hasn’t called us back with her days off.

A Loss Of Words

We’re going to be leaving on our trip to Southern California on Thursday still. Older Boy stopped puking Monday evening. Younger Boy only puked once today, but kept two meals down. However, at dinner time he threw up again (during Older Boy’s birthday party that we decided to have since both boys had kept their food down that day … until then). If it were anything like Sunday night I'd say cancel it, but I think time is on our side here and that we'll be good to go.

The boys are supposed to go see Jane tomorrow since we’ll be leaving Thursday (her day with them). I expressed that 1)I really thought that with our trip planned Younger Boy needed another day of sleep and rest (like he had today – especially since he puked up dinner), and 2)I was concerned with the risk of him puking at Jane’s house because not only is it Jane and she freaks out when one of the kids does puke but she also has the baby over there. I guess I was more concerned with the health of the baby and I didn’t want to risk exposing him to whatever Younger Boy has, apparently, not totally kicked yet.

Anyway, I suggested that my fiancé call her up and let her know. He decided that he was going to let her choose whether or not Younger Boy should go over there. So he called her up, and from my end of the conversation, I didn’t have a damn clue of what Jane’s final decision had been. It turns out she told my future hubby to let Younger Boy decide.

OK, can I just burst out with a “Are you F’ing Kidding Me?!?!”

You’re going to put the health of your baby, the health of your other son who is 3-years-old into that sick 3-year-old’s hands? The boy can’t make up his mind if he wants a turkey and mustard sandwich or a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I was appalled. I was literally at a loss of words after my quiet under my breath “Are you F’ing Kidding Me?!?” came out.

The first thought that came to mind was, “Is Jane seriously that incapable of making a responsible, rational, and sane decision?” Then I thought, “Is she seriously that lazy that she’s going to put that responsibility in Younger Boy’s immature and innocent child hands? Then I thought, “F That Shit! If she’s not going to be an adult and make a responsible decision then I sure as hell am.”

As much as I would love to share the joys of parenting a sick child with her, I’m not about to do that. Especially since she doesn’t feed them anything but junk! The last thing I needed was Younger Boy getting sick again at her house and her freaking out about it. The other last thing I needed was Younger Boy going over there and then her baby getting whatever it is that caused the puke fest over here. I’m not a doctor, but considering that it took about a week for Younger Boy and Older Boy to catch whatever lovely ickyness Middle Boy had last week I really didn’t want to risk it.

I honestly think that Younger Boy will be good to go on Thursday with another day of sleeping, drinking water, and resting. Like I said, he did pretty good today until dinner time. And I truly do feel really bad that he’s not going to get to see Jane tomorrow. But I care a whole lot more about him getting better and being healthy. Am I being too paranoid? Maybe ... but then again I've never had kids before. Don't all mothers worry about their childrens' illnesses at first? I know my mother still worries about my health issues today. She may not be there wiping up my puke, but she cares and she calls and she asks questions to stay in the loop. I've considered that maybe he's just got a touchy and sensitive stomach since he participated and competed for the title of "Top Puker" in our family. But when it comes to having babies I get even more paranoid about the risk of illness.

And it really just blew me away that she chose to leave that responsibility in Younger Boys' hands. That she couldn’t just say “Yes, I’m willing to take the risk” or “No, I’d prefer that he not come over.” Is it really that hard of a decision to make? Especially when it comes to the well-being and health of your children?

A Crown Royal On the Rocks Kind of Night

I always have these really great and fun blog entries planned. And then something or someone steps in and really ruins it.

Yesterday was a Crown Royal on the Rocks kind of night. It started off with Younger Boy exploding water, corn and other foods that I so preciously cooked into a delicious soup across the kitchen floor – straight from his three-year-old mouth. And then Older Boy had quite the meltdown over fractions. And then Younger Boy really topped the cake when he picked the scab off of his nose (that’s been my latest mission impossible with him – I’ll have to blog about it soon). And I also got to go to the hospital to get blood work done (because the doctor believes I have the opposite of diabetes but can’t really diagnose or help me out with it without seeing the test results). So I also felt like crap because my body is revolting against me.

So there I was … sitting on the couch relaxing after downing a smooth delicious glass of Crown on the Rocks … when the phone rang. It was after 9pm and there was really only one person I believed it to be. And from the tone in my fiancé’s voice I could tell I was right – Jane.

Jane, who is supposed to be taking the boys out for dinner on Thursday because she can’t see them this Sunday. Jane who decided to go back to work and has been dicking around taking her sweet time, and allegedly, from my personal observation, totally incapable of figuring out what her work schedule was going to be so that we could work out a new Visitation Schedule with her. Jane who got her job back and has been calling in sick so that she didn’t have to go into work (and so that she could spend time with the boys since you know, she’s incapable of making effort in sitting down and talking to her work people about what days she can have off so that she can see them).

Then I heard the word "Friday" uttered from my fiancé and I was enraged. Allegedly her day off was changed last minute to Friday, which totally screwed up my plans to actually get a day alone with my fiancé. Friday there are already plans that do not involve us spending some quality time together. (It's been a really long time since we've spent some quality time together.)

And that pushed the meltdown button.

I tried really hard not to cry. I tried really hard not to let out a spew of obscenities about what an irresponsible, selfish, low-life, sorry excuse of a human being she is. I held in the temper tantrum of how “Not Fair” it was and how F’ing stupid it was. So I hopped in the shower where I tried not to cry but I did anyway.

When I hopped out I found out that my fiancé had called her back, but apparently this week she just couldn’t change it back. But apparently she’s going to be available every Thursday now. And now if only I can find out when her other day off is I would be that much happier. I’m not really all that willing to change my life and the kids’ plans around every week because she’s irresponsible and is playing the helpless victim.

It’s just so stupid that we work so hard with her to try and set up her days with the boys, and at the same time try to provide the boys with opportunities to see their cousins, go to the library, and do other fun things and then have to let them down and tell them, “I’m sorry, you can’t go see/do that today. You’re going to see Jane.” It’s just not very fair to them. Why should they have to miss out on having fun because she can’t get her shit together? All they do when they go over to her house is sit on their butts watching movies and video games. She doesn't even spend time interacting with them. It seems so cruel to make them do those activities when they know they could be doing something else … something else that they were looking forward to doing. It makes me so mad that she does this to them. She should be living her life and making changes to make their lives better. Not for her convenience. It’s so maddening that she doesn’t even seem inclined to do this for her own children.

She can have her Friday, but seriously … Grow the hell up and take some responsibility for your life Jane!

Thank you for listening to my vent of frustration.