Twenty Eleven is already different. I don’t know what caused it or what specific action caused me to change my perspective of Jane. But so far into 2011 I just don’t give a darn about her anymore.
I realized it last month. First she called off sick. Then some other reason came up. It was about 2 to 3 weeks that she didn't see the boys. FH was rather flustered that she wasn’t calling back and that’s when I realized I didn't care about her anymore. I told him to just let her call him back. When she wanted to see her children she’d call back. There was no use in us getting all upset because she’s a crappy mom.
I believe after a week passed by he did call her back and amazingly she called him back. However, she canceled called in sick again right before FH and the boys were about to drive out to her last week. Luckily they hadn't left yet. Instead of getting furious like I normally did I found myself shrugging it off thinking "oh well, her loss."
We still try to set aside the one day of the week that she hopefully will be seeing them, but my anger toward her incompetence as a responsible, caring mother has lessened to where it’s only going to spark if she has physically harmed them. I can’t imagine what sort of emotional harm she’s done, but my job is to make sure that we’re loving and supportive of them in our home. And to make sure that no matter what she does we’re consistent and provide a good stable, loving home for them.
It also could be that FH is suspicious that she is pregnant again. The man has seen her pregnant four times now … I wouldn't put it past her either now that I gave birth to the daughter she’s always wanted. In which if it turns out she is I’m absolutely disgusted with her, but if I continue to distance myself from her then my personal well being won’t be disrupted with her sad choice making.
My family and home come first before I stick my neck out to worry about her feelings anymore. In the past 2 ½ years her actions have shown me that she’s in it for herself, and not for the boys. Older Boy and Young Boy’s actions toward her are already indicators that she’s continuing to dig her own hole.
5 comments:
I think this will do wonders for you - don't know how you did it but good for you!
Congrats! Best thing you can do when you can't change what's going on with them or how they're going to act
Such a healthy attitude! I hope you are able to maintain it, for your sake and the boys. They are lucky to have you.
It was an immense moment for me when I stopped reacting to every incompetent and selfish thing the children's mother did. She has by no means stopped, but my mantra has become, "MY life goes on. OUR lives go on." I will still protect us and the kids from her most malicious actions, but ultimately, my life needs to be about me and my family, not what hateful thing she has up her sleeve.
I agree with this perspective, if you can stick with it. it really IS her loss. And you cannot force her to be a mom, if she doesn't want to mother. She WILL call when it works for her, and you guys cannot control that. Unfortunately you do have to pick up the pieces for the boys who will continue to suffer the loss of their mother's love. But focussing on helping them through it is a way better expenditure of your energy than worrying about Jane. Keep it up.
Post a Comment