My parent’s have been wonderful in terms of accepting my instant family as their own. A photo of the boys hangs in their living room, the boys get excited when they find out we’re seeing them and give them both hugs, and my parents have shown a great interest in the boys well being.
Starting last summer they started making arrangements to spend some one-on-one time with the boys. Each month they take one of the boys for a night or two so the boy of the month can get some individual time away.
This month was Older Boy’s turn. My dad brought him to a Shark’s hockey game and got him a hockey puck. I got a great photo text from my mom of him sleeping with his puck. It was really cute. I also found out that Older Boy was rather sad to have to leave.
At first I thought “oh, he doesn’t enjoy home” then I wizened up and realized it’s because he had just had the rare luxury of being an only kid for a couple of days. We try to make sure to spend individual time with each of them when we can, but with four kids (one being an infant) now that is a bit hard sometimes.
They also have always been the three of them for so long now I wonder if everyone kind of views them as “the boys.” And if it’s not the three of them it’s two of them. Because of their situation being in the spotlight really is a luxury to them. I didn’t think much of it until my told me about a conversation with my cousin’s fiancé.
He too was a child of divorce. And when he found out that my parent’s were the ones who asked if they could spend some get to know you time with each of the boys alone said “I wish someone had thought to do that with me.”
I too had a younger sibling, but I did get alone time here or there. OR if both of us went over to a family friend’s place there were siblings our age so we weren’t stuck with just each other to play with.
I’ve gotten the impression that perhaps the boys are tired of being “the boys” and would each like to be “a boy.” I may not be able to control how others treat them, and I may not always be able to do something lavish like take them out on a Crys and boy dinner date, but I’d like to see FH and I make more of an effort to single each boy out.
We’ve started with Older Boy by making sure he has a day to help make dinner each week. FH has come up with some activities that he can do with each boy also. I think it’s important for him to try and spend some more one-on-one time with each of them. We’ve brainstormed some other ideas too but I’d love to hear of any suggestions on ideas or personal experiences from you ladies.
8 comments:
This is why you are such an excellent mother. I don't have any suggestions, but I appreciate all that you are teaching me.
seconded marie. Crys you rock the house!
thirded!!! LOL I think that is a great idea
That is really great of your parents. I don't know if you live near a community college, but the ones near us have a theatre and put on kids shows all the time. Sometimes they are musicals and sometimes magic shows ect. But the actors aren't from the college, they are traveling shows, so they are pretty good. And on top of it, it is usually cheaper to go there than to the movies! Also, this is a bit early, but Regal Movie theatres does free movies during the summer. The movies are usually a year or two old, but still good. That maybe something you could let each boy pick which movie they want to see and then take them by themselves.
This is a great post and deserves to be shared with others! Many parents would benefit from a reminder that kids need some "just me" time whether it be with a parent/stepparent, grandparent, or favorite aunt or uncle. It will build their sense of self-worth. I don't have any suggestions for you other than it might be fun for you and fh to occasionally give each boy a note or card meant just for them--for their eyes only--that praises them for specific things.
This is the biggest challenge in an family, let alone a blended family. Our family soup has 7 kids. And we notice that each kid really, really needs that one-on-one time. I know I needed it as a kid, too. And it can be found in small ways, like being the one to go to the store with mom, or in big ways, like going out to dinner on their birthday with JUST mom and dad. I think everyone likes to feel special and apart-- even if it's only for 20 minutes at a time. And in our house, that's sometimes all we have to give.
I am a new stepmom to two little girls, 5 and 9. They too are tired of always being "the girls" and would like some individual time with each of us. Funny enough, they fight over who gets to have more time with me - as the 5 year old gets out of school 1.5 hours ahead of the 9 year old. Hilarious.
My husband and I try to swap it out on our weekends. Sometimes he'll take the 9 year old with him to run errands and I'll keep the little one at home and we'll make brownies. Other times I'll take the 9 year old to the park and Daddy takes the little one to a children's movie. They both LOVE the individual attention and they don't have to fight for airtime.
Good luck - I love your blog - I just stumbled upon it but it's very well written. I'm new to stepmommy blogging but an anxious to dive in to this brave women's world!
I love this post. My boyfriend has 4 children, and something his ex refuses to see if that all 4 kids want and need one on one time with him, like they used to have, before the divorce. Family time is great, but kids crave "you and me" time and deserve that too.
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