Revival Post

It has been so long since I last wrote, and I cannot tell you how many times I’ve laid down in bed at 3am, half asleep/half delusional, as I internally busted out a blog post that I vowed to write in the morning.

Older Boy is now 13. Welcome to the crazy Teen Years. Enough Said.

Middle boys is now 10. That’s a whole other blog post. He is at the cross-roads between almost being mature enough, yet still not yet close to being as mature as he thinks he is.

Younger Boy is going to be 8. That is the age that Older Boy was when I moved in with them back in 2008. He too is still struggeling with wanting to be a BIG boy and trying anything to get attention (positive or negative).

Toddler  J.C. is my Mini Me to all ends of the definition. She is going to be 3 in October.  And Baby RJ is going to be 1 at the end of this month.

Let’s just say that my hands are full. My brain is overflowing. My kitchen floor stays clean for a mere hour at the most if it’s mopped during nap time. And there is not enough time in a day to get everything done. 

I’m truly hoping to try and start blogging again. I miss it so much and I know that I could definitely use a dose of other Mommy bloggers.

Puberty Has Hit

Older Boy is now 12, in 7th grade, and puberty has hit full force. That boy is now about an inch or two taller than me (I’m 5’1”). His voice is uncontrollably cracking and squeaking. And he’s got some nice pimples sprouting on his nose.

I only had a sister so I've never really witnessed a boy going through puberty, but here’s my chance. It’s amusing and amazing all at the same time. Even his face is starting to age. I swear every day I look at him and he looks older.

OB: How long does puberty last?
FH: It depends on the person. It can take a couple of years.
OB: Oh crap!
FH: Why? Are you getting acne or something?
OB: What’s acne?
FH: Pimples.
OB: I have a lot of those.

Being the skin conscious person I am I’ve been trying to keep an eye on Older Boys skin. Now that he’s growing pimples like he’s being paid to do it I figured it was time to move past the usual bar of soap.  Considering I’ve never had to really shop for acne products I wasn’t sure what to get him. The poor guy has some dry patches in addition to the acne so I got him some Stridex face wipes and some light moisturizing lotion.

The best part was when I was trying to instruct him on how to use the products, especially when I showed him how to properly put the lotion on his face. I’m going to enjoy having boys go through puberty, because once the girls are old enough to hit it the whole game is going to change. Oh well, at least I know what happens when girls go through puberty first hand.

My Basketball Team and Soccer Woes

It’s been a very long time since I’ve been on here. I’m giving it a genuine go though again because 1.I really miss the relief of blogging, 2.I miss having other women to bounce ideas off and 3.

First off I’ve had another beautiful daughter. Baby JC is now toddler JC at the amazing age of 2 years old. Baby RJ is 2 months old. If you recall, I have three stepsons that live with me full time for the most part. Now add that up. That’s right, 5 kids in this house. My very own basketball team. I don’t even know where the days go sometimes. Between 1 preteen, 1 toddler, 1 infant, 2 middle children and the 2 fur balls I’m running around with my head in a tizzy. But apparently I’m doing something right because everyone is healthy and well.

I’ve found myself wanting to share so many things and then forgetting about them. If fact, I had to go read my last blog just to get an idea of exactly what was going on when I last posted. It is interesting to me that the last post was about Older Boy and basketball season and me feeling frustrated in having to keep him overnight because 1.Jane was not interested in bringing him to his games and 2.I was truly worried that if Older Boy did go to Jane’s house he wouldn’t get enough sleep to have the energy for his games.

It’s interesting because right now it’s soccer season. Middle Boy and Younger Boy are both playing and we’re pretty much in the same situation. I told FH that we would just keep all three boys Friday nights for the two reasons listed above. So he extended an invitation out to Jane to come watch the boys play since he’s busy working. We thought it would be great to have both of their moms there to cheer them on.  And Jane so notably declined because she’s “not a fan of soccer.”

When I heard that I bit the inside of my cheek, sucked in my breath, and let it out. She for the first time since soccer started last month came out at the end of Younger Boy’s soccer game. Note, the only reason she did this was because I had plans that I couldn’t miss and I needed her to come be with them. I didn’t want them waiting around for two hours by themselves at the soccer field. I saw her out of the corner of my eye and told the older boys that their mom was there. Another mom that I was sitting with asked me “Is that awkward?” I told her it still kind of was but that I had pretty much gotten used to it. I didn’t have to like her but I could be courteous to her and friendly for the boys’ sake.

Jane didn’t watch the game and talked to the older boys about video games instead. I decided that it was at least a good thing that she was taking time to talk to them and show interest in them. So I made sure cheer Younger Boy on and high fived him at the end. I was rather disappointed that Jane didn’t at least acknowledge Younger Boy’s efforts in the game or congratulate him or anything.

Middle Boy’s couch had expressed worry that they would have to forfeit and his game started two hours after the end of Younger Boy’s. FH had shared this with Jane. I suggested that they could either go out to breakfast in town or if she wanted to go home I would have FH text her if the game was cancelled. She never really answered. I’m fairly certain that she brought the boys home and went to bed since she works the night shift.

I was less then pleased, but since I was the one with plans that I couldn’t miss I had to just accept it. Although I think it’s absolutely irresponsible to not at least try to bring a child to a sporting event that a child is very much excited about.  I guess that’s the life. I often find myself having to remind myself that I would really hate it if she dared try to tell me how to spend my time with the boys, so I make sure to hold my tongue when it comes to trying to suggest too much to her.

And to end it on a positive, here is a photo of the girls.

A Little Extra Effort

First off - Happy New Year!! I've missed you all and I'm really going to try to make a little more effort to pop in more often. I really miss blogging and I really miss all of you and your fabulous wisdom and sisterhood in the world of motherhood and stepmotherhood. I’m still working on what 2012 will be the year of by the way for those of you that have seen my New Year’s expectations blog. I think that perhaps I’ve stumbled upon it and just need to fine tune it a bit.

On to the show. Now that I have a biological child who has made want to just rip my hair out at times I’ve had moments where I feel bad for any impatience with the boys. However, I think its more frustration that I don’t have that bond with them. I’ve been working on building my own bonds with them. And each one of them is different.

I’ve put a bit of thought into it lately. Older Boy is playing in the city’s youth basketball league. I’m so excited for him. He loves basketball and I’m so happy that he’ll get some more socialization out of doing something he loves. The bittersweet thing about it though is that I’ll be giving up my “Me” time on Saturday mornings.

Jane has been rather dedicated to taking the boys every weekend. There have really only been 2-3 time that she’s cancelled on them since we moved. I don’t know if being closer has done the trick or if now that they are older and all potty trained, or if maybe she’s finally seen the light (or a glimmer) and is trying to make up for the time she’s missed out on. Either way, I won’t lie. I love being able to sleep in on Saturday morning and not have my hubby or the boys to wake me up or to be responsible for.

Back to the point … Older Boy’s games are on Saturdays. I called Jane today to talk about what she would like to do in regards to Older Boy and her visits. She informed me that she would prefer it if I kept him here Friday nights and then she would pick him up after the game. I won’t lie. I really wanted to be selfish and tell her that she could bring him to the afternoon games and I would bring him to the morning games. However, I didn’t want to start anything. I am rather picky about choosing which battles to fight. It’s only for a couple of weeks and I know I’ll get some “Me” time in again at some point.

And back to the bittersweet of it. Now that I have Baby JC I’ve experienced that unconditional love where even though I want to pull my hair out, I can wade through the fits and crying and teething and all that. But I still feel that when it comes to the boys I need to put in just a little extra effort. And I feel bad about it. I know I shouldn’t, it’s rather normal and I’m only human. I think it comes to that I try my best to make sure that I treat all my children the same way. And I really, really want to give all of my love. But that unconditional love just doesn’t come as naturally when it comes to the boys.

I’m sure it gets easier the longer you are able to build a relationship with each child…even the biological ones. I think I just need to learn to give myself a little slack and remember that Rome just wasn’t built in a day.

My Heart Skipped a Beat

I'm currently the magazine club adviser at the middle school in town. We needed an extra interview for a 6th grade boy so I volunteered to go ahead and do one on Older Boy.

So last night we sat down. It was a list of questions like "What book should everyone read?" and "What is your favorite class so fat?"

So we got down to the question "Who is your hero?" I asked him expecting him to come up with some sports player and:

Crys: "OK. Who is your hero?"

Older Boy: "You are."

Crys: "Me?!"

Older Boy: "Yeah."

Crys: "Aw, thanks!"

At first I had thought I heard him wrong. And then my heart about skipped a beat. I didn't ask why, although I certainly wanted too. But his answer alone was enough to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Tweendomhood

I can’t believe so much time has passed between now and my last post. I guess that’s what happens though when life seems to be going full-speed ahead dangerously out of control. And travelling every other weekend, a teething baby and other life wonders and mishaps don’t help any.

I’ve come here today though to discuss Older Boy. He is a hair-pulling, head banging, lovely 11-year-old middleschooler now. And with that comes a motivation for independence, but a lack of responsibility. For some reason he can’t fathom that responsibility will bring independence. In other words … I’d love to pick your brains on what has worked for you on how to motivate a tween to be more responsible when it comes to things like:

• Turning homework in
• Asking teachers for a list of missing homework assignments
• Turning in important things like money for class trips or fundraisers
• Remembering to bring your lunch to school – especially on days that you have basketball practice or a basketball game

Those are probably the things up there on the list.

I cannot offer an allowance. Our money is pinched so tight right now that FH and I have to borrow money from each other to pay bills. I’ve gotten pretty crafty and switching money from one account to another. Although I have told Older Boy that if he can continuously show us he can be responsible I’d be willing to consider some sort of allowance system. However, he just doesn’t seem able to stay motivated.

When I ask him about something he gets this “I forgot” look or excuse. He tells me “OK” and I tell him “Don’t tell me OK. Show me that you can do it.”

I’m not sure if the more regular overnight visits with Jane have anything to do with it. Ever since they’ve started to regularly stay over at her house on the weekends both Older Boy and Younger Boy have taken steps back in their will to thrive in our household. Surprisingly Middle Boy is the only one who has continued to take steps forward.

Anyway, I’m at a loss. Any words of wisdom would be so wonderful and welcomed and much appreciated.

And for your time in reading this here is a little treat for you. Baby J.C. is now a spunky, spit fire, darling 1-year-old. She is more like me every day. I’m in trouble.

Reading me a story

Updates Fall 2011 and a Video

I thought life was chaotic and busy when I moved in with my three instant kids and soon to be hubby. But life with a husband, three instant kids, two cats and a walking almost one year old baby is beyond chaotic. I think “Oh, I’ll sit down to bust out a blog,” or “I should blog about this and this or that.” And then Baby J.C. wakes up, or someone needs help with their homework, or the cats are convinced they are starving and won’t leave me alone until they are fed, or there is always dinner that needs to be cooked too. I feel like everything is an update lately. I guess it’s better than nothing, right?

Let the updates begin…

Jane moved into a two bedroom finally. I haven’t heard any more from her about wanting Middle Boy to go live with her. Nor have I heard any more commotion about whether or not her man is actually hitting their son or not. I’ve yet to see a police report on file or a repeat of Jane running off in the middle of the night. I’m still trying to accept that her priorities are screwy and there’s just no ever “getting her.” Whatever will be, will be, right?

The boys are loving small town life. And by boys I mean F.H too. They have been blossoming even more than I thought possible. Older Boy actually had friends come to the door the other day to see if he could come out and play. It’s so nice to be in a small community. Middle Boy has even decided that he’s found a calling as a farmer one day. I’m going to be going to a 4H meeting this week to find out about getting him started up in our local 4H. And while Younger Boy is currently dealing with the fact that yelling at your brothers isn’t going to get you your way, he seems to be just growing up before my eyes. I still can’t believe that he was only 2 when I moved in three years ago. When did he turn into a first grader?

And of course there is Baby J.C. She will be turning one next month. She has four baby teeth, is walking and climbing up anything and everything, and is a mini me all the way. It is exhausting! I took her with me on my wedding extravaganza the past month where we drove 6 hours to Southern California for a wedding and back. Then we flew to Michigan a week later for a nice, much needed and well deserved, week-long vacation and then my college roommates wedding. Then the next weekend drove up to Washington with my parents (because 6 hours with a baby is insane, I wasn’t about to drive 12 hours alone with her) for my cousin’s wedding. I’m just starting to catch up now.

And with that, I leave you with a fabulous video because who doesn’t love babies?