Follow Up

I wanted to get some more thoughts down. FH gave me more information about Jane asking if Middle Boy could come live with her and it riled me up. I figured I’d sleep on it before regurgitating it.

I found out that Jane’s excuse for wanting Middle Boy is because “He is too emotionally unstable at our house.” Which was sort of true a year or two ago, but that child was emotionally unstable anyway. Do you really blame the poor child? His mother up and left, had a new child of his own, plus he was suddenly thrown into an environment where there were rules and expectations. Since then Middle Boy has really grown and blossomed into a fabulous young man. Don’t get me wrong, he still drives me up the wall now and then with his Middle Boy antics but he has come a really long way from where he was.

I also found out that Jane does not live in a 2 bedroom apartment as I originally thought. Jane and her man and their son (who will be 3 this year) live in a 1 bedroom apartment. I about blew my lid. I know we’ve squeezed all 5 of us into a two bedroom before but we upgraded to a 3 bedroom as soon as we got a handle on our new life together. And our new house that we’ll be renting is a 5 bedroom, with a large back yard. (That’s all in another post.)

Anyway, I don’t know what suddenly caused Jane to call us up and ask if she could have Middle Boy come lie with her. I don’t know if she’s hoping to get some form of child support, especially since we’ll still have two of the boys and she’s never gave us money or offered any financial support for the boys. The few times she has asked she’s told us how they have no money and could hardly pay rent or bills much less get their own food. I don’t know how she thinks she’s going to be able to support one more growing boy when she tells us this.

Middle Boy is definitely the mommy’s boy who looks forward to seeing her each week. The other two are kind of “eh, whatever. I get to go play video games all day and eat junk food” about it.

Sort of on topic, I also found out that Jane hasn’t said a word to FH about the incident that happened a couple of weeks ago (I first mentioned it in the last post). When he called her up to ask her if she thought it was a good idea to take the boys this week she seemed kind of surprised that he was asking such a question. If I didn’t know better I would assume she had no clue why FH was calling with such a question.

If you ask me it’s quite fishy. There’s usually some sort of motive behind anything Jane does, and it usually isn’t in favor of the boys’ best interest. But I’ll keep you updated on the happenings. As far as I can tell, and after talking with FH about it he’s going to tell her “No.”

It Worries Me Sick

I have two things on my mind tonight. I’ve been meaning to write about one of them but I guess two is better than none. Because none would be me lying in bed trying to sleep but wide awake thinking too much.

Issue One

Two weeks ago before the boys went up to FH’s parent’s house for two weeks they went to Jane’s house. FH got a text at 11:55pm that he should pick the boys up from her mom Jolie’s house the next day because that’s where we were.

We found out that they went to Jolie’s house because allegedly Jane’s man had been hitting their son. Now, before we jump all over this I’m rather torn. Half of me is rather concerned because who wants to expose their child to that type of situation? As a concerned stepparent, certainly not I. The other half of me knows that Jane is a liar and she is the type of person who wants to be abused. In saying that I mean that she used to tell FH, who wouldn’t and hasn’t ever laid a hand upon me or the children, that if he ever hit her she would leave. I’ve never even felt threatened that he would do such a thing and it frustrates me that she wants so badly to be in that situation. Now, not that she is lying as I’m aware that anyone is capable of anything, but I just don’t trust her and her dramatic, lying actions of the past. That in addition to the weird things she’s done like make Younger Boy strip down to check him for cuts and bruises when he has grass cuts on his feet from running in the sprinklers.

Anyway, she told us she might not take them this week for their summer break with her. But after two weeks she decided that it was OK to have them. She didn’t seem too concerned about it, and I honestly can’t tell you if she and FH have talked about it. We go the information second hand from her Aunt who owns the house that Jolie lives in.

I’ve been contemplating to see if she filed a police report or to see if there have been any domestic disturbances filed against them. I want something done about it. I want to see action happen in the event that this is all real. I’ve seen abuse, I’ve experienced abuse and either I’m missing something big or she’s making a mountain out of something that didn’t actually happen. I’m not sure what to do. We can’t NOT let her see them, but who do you contact about an alleged abusive episode that may or may not be on record and may or may not be real?

Issue Two

Today Jane called FH and told him that she’d like to have Middle Boy come live with her. For those that may not remember, Middle Boy is definitely the Mommy’s Boy of the three. He’s also the one who has been asking her if he can live with her over the last couple of years. However, the red flag has been waving loud and clear in our minds that this is not a good idea. To her credit, Jane has been seeing the boys every weekend for the last couple of months. However, when they come back from her house they are in very poor condition. They are like walking zombies and need a full day of sleep and usually a nap the next day just to catch up. I don’t know if it’s from being plugged in all day, from not being supervised or what. They claim that they go to bed at 10pm, but even when we allow them to stay up that late they are never walking zombies like they are when they come home from her place.

Also, Middle Boy has completely blossomed over the last couple of years since I moved in. I’m rather concerned that it’s not in his best physical and mental interest to live with her full time. Plus, I really wonder where he would sleep. From my knowledge the boys sleep on either the pull out couch bed or on the floor when they go to her house. Would he be expected to share a room with her youngest son who is going to be 3 years old this year? In my mind 8 years old and 3 years old is a big age difference to be sharing a room. Not impossible, as I’m sure there are many who do is. Plus we had the three boys sharing a room for the first two years while we saved up enough to move into a bigger house. I also don’t know if he’s actually considered that if he left our home he wouldn’t be with his brothers every day. Those three boys are thick as thieves. Considering all the emotional drama they’ve been put through it really concerns me at the thought of uprooting him from his brotherly support like that and putting him in an unstable living situation.

Plus, jump back to Issue One. IF her guy is hitting their son I sure as heck don’t want Middle Boy living in that situation. Is an alleged abuser enough grounds to say “No, he cannot live with you?” FH has full physical custody of all three boys and they have joint legal custody of them. If that makes sense – in other words they physically live with us, but they’re supposed to see her part of the time.

I’m not going to lie. It all has me stressed out and sick to my stomach. And honestly, it seems there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it. I feel like we’re feeding them to the wolves when we send them over there.

On the way

I've been trying to work on a new update for you. However, I'm currently fighting over the keyboard with Baby J. She is cruising, and is very, very successful as assisted standing. She also wants to help me write this blog entry because short of buckling her down into her rocker she keeps ending up over at my lap top. Her tiny fingers trying to mimic mine and type away. Except she just managed to pull of the "Delete" key button and I somehow magically got it to stick on.

Her and a lack of sleep are some of the main reasons I've not posted in a while. And summer vacation. Nasty Cat wanted to make sure I included that. Cross your fingers that I can post an update tomorrow and can get some good sleep tonight.

Survived Week 1 of Summer Vacation

Summer Vacation is here. This year we didn’t put the boys in the Summer Program at their school because in July (the middle of the program):

1. They’re going up to FH’s parents house for two weeks.

2. They’re going to Jane’s house for the week after that

3. We’re moving

4. Enrolling into the program you kind of have to guarantee that your kid isn’t going to miss a ton of days so we decided to not take up three spots so that three other children might get the chance to enjoy the fabulous program.

If you counted correctly that is three weeks that the boys are not going to be at home with us. I’m not quite sure what to think of it. Part of me is relieved that I’m not going to go absolutely hair-pulling crazy having them home all day. Part of me is going to miss them because 1) that’s a long time to not have them around and 2) who is going to do all those chores that they do? And part of me is a little concerned for Baby J who will not see her brothers for three weeks.

Normally when they are gone FH will show her their photos. The longest they’ve ever been away for though is three days. Three days is a whole lot different from three weeks. I guess it will just be a part of life though that she too will have to eventually get used to.

And with it being Monday already, here we go with Week 2 of Summer Vacation. I think I may require one of those beer helmets with the straw … except with wine bottles … or maybe martini shakers. I guess it really depends on what kind of day we are having.

Small Town Bound

I was raised in the hood because that’s where my dad’s family house was. The neighborhood went to shit around us. I went to sleep with the sound of bullets flying, and recognized a drug deal when it was happening right out in front of my house. My parents had about had it when a kid at my sister’s elementary school was caught with a baggie of coke. Then we moved to a small farming town because my parents wanted us to experience the safety and community of a small town.

We moved just in time for my 8th grade year. I vowed I would leave as soon as I turned 18. And I did, to go to college, but I keep going back. It’s a love-hate relationship, but it is home. My parents have since moved to another city but my sister and I keep going back whenever we get a chance. I’ve since then brought my new family out there and have submerged them as much as I can into my small town family.

FH and I have talked casually about moving there someday and with Older Boy about to start middle school we’ve decided we’d like to move there. I have an idea now about why my parents moved us there. Although it’s not the exact same reasons that my parents moved us.

Middle Boy and Older Boy have had a really hard time it seems. They’re really drawn in and seem to be big fish lost in a lake with little fishes. In other words, they do well in class and often get pushed aside so teachers can deal with the children who are not doing as hot. Also, they just closed two elementary schools in our town so their elementary school that already has large class sizes is getting an influx of new students.

We’ve asked Older Boy what he thought about moving to the small town and he was really excited. Older Boy asked for a tour of where all the schools were at. If he had been reluctant I think we might have reconsidered, but since he has a lot of enthusiasm and excitement I think we’re going to go for it.

We’re really hoping that being in a small community will help them to flourish as individuals … Especially with sports, new friends and a sense of security with the town. I’m genuinely hoping that they’ll feel the same way I do about the small town … that its home.

Being a Stepmom is Stressful

I had really hoped that maybe with time being a stepmom would be easier. As in, after time with the boys I wouldn’t feel quite as frustrated at times. But there are still some days it takes all the control I have not to pull my hair out, pack up the cat and baby and walk out the door.

It’s not even that I don’t like the boys. I love them very much. But I think there is a great amount of pressure I feel when it comes to raising them. I hear so much from my mother-in-law or other relatives on either FH or Jane’s sides about how worried everyone was for the boys’ well being.

I can’t imagine that everyone is exaggerating but I just can’t grasp how bad it was. Could it really have been that drastically bad? I guess it could have. But I just can’t grasp it.

I know that the boys have all blossomed into amazing individuals under my care. I know that they can only continue to grow and blossom more. But I feel like I can’t mess it up … Like if they turn out anything like their mother or worse then somewhere along the way I messed up in raising them.

I hear from both FH and Jane’s side this worry and concern from the past and receive a lot of praise and thanks for what I’ve done and what I’m continuing to do. (It’s really quite weird to have people thank me so often for being a mom to the boys. It’s nature to me, and it feels like I’ve gone up and beyond my expected duties the way they all thank me.) And it feels almost like there is a weight on my shoulder that I have to make these children successful. It is very overwhelming at times.

I know I can only take each of them so far. I can only instill my love, my values, my example and that they’ll have to take all those and create themselves from there. In the back of my head though sometimes I feel a whip and hear a voice that says if I don't give it 180% instead of just try my best that maybe I'm giving it my all. (I think that it all comes down to the fact that I am my own worst enemy as in I'm the hardest on myself.)

I honestly sometimes feel stressed trying to just be a mom to them. Now that I have a biological child of my own I’ve been able to sort things out. I feel a stress to make sure that I’m raising my own child the way I want to and to be the best mom I know how. But it’s just a different stress from raising someone else’s kids, even though they’re my kids too now.

Does that make sense? I’ve decided that I’m putting some money away (about $14) and I’m going to the Jelly Belly Factory out here to treat myself to six delicious squares of gourmet fudge. So good! And that is how I’m going to be good to me and try my best to relax and not stress out as much.

My Exhausted Excitement

I don’t know how I manage some days. My days seem non-stop between being the Mom Taxi, the Mother of an infant, nursing her, making her homemade baby food, making dinners, making sure the kids do their stuff, nagging FH to make sure Jane sees the boys, and working a full time job on top of it. Oh yes, and being a cat lady. We must not forget Nasty Cat.

I have a real respect for single mothers. If I’m this exhausted and I have a spouse to help out I can’t imagine what it’s like to go at it alone. Although I think three kids and infant must be exhausting to anyone with a pulse.

In short – Baby J is teething. Those cute little nubs of tooth have made their way through the gums and are continuing to make my days something else.

And

Baby J is now mobile. By mobile I mean she is flying across the carpet. She went from face-planting it wobbly first movements to “smooth as butter” in a matter of four days. I told Nasty Cat he has better start running now because she’s going to catch up with him.

And now, I’m proud to present to you My Exhuasted Excitement: